


Twilight: Re-Imagined; Part two

by DontBlameMe4It



Series: Twilight: Re-Imagined [2]
Category: Life and Death - Stephenie Meyer, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-24
Updated: 2021-01-21
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:54:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 78,040
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27698584
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DontBlameMe4It/pseuds/DontBlameMe4It
Summary: Join Beau as he adjusts to his life as a newborn vampire. Can Beau protect everyone he cares about as he learns to reconcile his two worlds? And what about all the strange deaths in Seattle? Our boys are back and starting a new chapter together, but how much of a future will they have with the past haunting close behind.Part two of Twilight: Re-Imagined.(Our boys are back baby!)
Relationships: Alice Cullen/Jasper Hale, Carlisle Cullen/Esme Cullen, Edward Cullen/Beau Swan, Emmett Cullen/Rosalie Hale, Jacob Black/Bella Swan
Series: Twilight: Re-Imagined [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2025662
Comments: 19
Kudos: 43





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This chapter has a series of flash backs that are marked by a series of ellipses and bold text. If it's in italics it means beau is speaking inside his head. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy it!

I paced the house one way, and then the other, and then back. Soon there would be a path worn through the plush carpet and wooden floors. My mind wandered back over the summer in an endless loop, matching the tedious pattern of my feet. 

………

**“What’s this?” I stared at the large crate.**

**“A gift.”**

**“We’re giving each other gifts now?” Rosalie looked back at me with a deadly glare.**

**“Can you not ruin this?”**

**“Okay okay.” I held up my hands in defeat. We stood in silence for a minute. It seemed like March was yesterday, and like it was a thousand years away at once.**

**“Well open it!” She growled with impatience. I grabbed hold of the top of the wooden side and pulled carefully. The nails eased out with no effort, I could’ve been opening a door. I set it carefully off to the side. When I looked inside I was speechless.**

**“Built it myself. Found the frame online. Took awhile to find the right engine, and when I did of course it didn’t run…” I ran my hand slowly down the gas tank. It was painted out gloss black with a rich brown leather seat. The metal engine and exhaust glinted in the garage lights.**

**“And Alice kept saying we should get a new model but she doesn’t understand you can’t buy what vintage has and-” I grabbed Rosalie in a big hug. She froze for a moment at the unexpected touch but eventually relaxed and patted my back.**

**“Thanks Ro, I love it.”**

**“Sure.” It was about as much vocal affection I was going to get from her. I released her and we carefully took the motorcycle out of the crate. On the other side of the gas tank was a matte black rose. No one would be able to notice it in motion, it was just for me. I moved to take a seat.**

**“You’ll need this first.” Rosalie produced a large box. Inside wrapped delicately in tissue paper was a riding jacket, gloves, and a black sleeve I didn’t recognize.**

**“Alice?” Rosalie nodded and handed me a helmet as well. The helmet was brown leather and matched the seat. The flip up visor had been tinted black.**

**“How long have you been planning this?”**

**“A few days, honestly we thought about it once before and Edward was furious. So when he went with Carlisle to the medical conference in Finland it seemed like a now or never thing.”**

**“Edward doesn’t know?”**

**“He’s too far away.” Alice said as she entered the garage. I touched the handlebars with the tips of my fingers.**

**“I can’t wait until it gets dark so I can go ride.” All of my activities in the regular world had been restricted to after the sunset as a precaution.**

**“Beau don’t be silly. That’s the beauty of it, you can go anytime!” Alice beamed.**

**“What do you mean?”**

**“Hold on.” Alice swept out of the room and returned a moment later holding clothes and boots.**

**“Here put these on.” I moved behind the crate to shrug off my shorts and slip into the jeans. Alice rolled her eyes.**

**“Beau I’ve seen you pantsless before.”**

**“Not by choice.” I quickly laced the boots and returned. Alice tucked in the front of my shirt out of habit. She never stopped trying to polish me off. I rolled my eyes and she smiled. The jacket fit my measurements with the kind of perfection only Alice could achieve. The gloves were equally suited.**

**“Hold still.” Rosalie pulled the sleeve over my head with more force than necessary, laughing as it mussed up my hair. I pulled it down off my mouth, but Alice tutted at me and put it back across my lips. She tucked the sleeve under my shirt collar and then zipped the jacket up.**

**“See. No skin, no eyes. No face, No Beau!” The jacket came halfway up my neck and the sleeve covered the rest. I was completely cloaked.**

**“I look like a mercenary.” Rosalie chuckled darkly at my comment.**

**“Go on. Go on!” Alice jumped up and down. If espresso was a person, it would be Alice. I saddled the bike and revved the engine. The noise drew Emmett and Jasper outside as well. Emmett swung his arm around Rosalie’s shoulders and kissed her head. Jasper locked eyes with me.**

**“Not in town, go east and then north.” Alice slapped his chest.**

**“Beau you go have fun, ignore him.” I flipped the visor down and rolled down the driveway. Esme bolted out of the front door at the last minute.**

**“Beau-” Her voice broke and I stopped. “Be safe, come home.” She looked nervous and I knew why. I put my hand over my chest in the spot where she saved me.**

**“I promise.” She smiled weakly and I drove down the road.**

……..

“Beau?” I heard Esme call me from outside. I found her in the greenhouse picking tomatoes. 

“What’s up?”

“I heard you pacing again. I thought you might want to help me out here for a while instead.” She smiled sweetly. “This garden was your idea after all.” Esme in the garden was a beautiful site. She sat on her hip and the plants on their trellises rose above her. She turned back to the tomato plants. I grabbed an old apple basket and began foraging in the zucchini. I hummed quietly as my hands gently turned through each leaf and vine. It had come such a long way since we first planted. 

……….

**“Beau, would you come here a moment darling boy?”**

**“In a minute.” I flipped and pinned Emmett to the ground beneath me. He was quick to counter and soon we were standing. In a flash he was behind me with his arm around my neck.**

**“No choke holds boys.” Carlisle said absentmindedly without looking up from his newspaper. Emmett released me and we crouched facing each other. I darted quickly to his left and he countered. Our shoulders hooked together unexpectedly causing our heads to collide in an ear shattering thud. We both ended up on our backs staring at the sky.**

**“It’s a tie, you’re officially both losers.” Jasper called from the porch. Emmett groaned and I laughed as I stood. I held out a hand and pulled him up. We shook off the dirt and headed towards the house. I gave Edward a kiss on the head as I passed. He sat across from Alice, a chess board between them. They never moved the pieces when they played, just looked into each other's eyes until someone got bored. I found Esme in the kitchen looking over catalogues.**

**“What’s this?” I leaned over her shoulder to look at the plants on the pages.**

**“I thought you’d like to help me pick out the plants for this summer.” She was skimming a page about Rose bushes.**

**“Oh, well how about marigolds?”**

**“Marigolds?”**

**“For the planter boxes out front.” She flipped through the thick nursery booklet and thumbed down the page corner.**

**“What else?” I shrugged at her in response. She looked eagerly for my next suggestion.**

**“I don’t know. Tomatoes?” Esme laughed lightly.**

**“We don’t grow vegetables Beau.”**

**“Why not?”**

**“We don’t need them.” She looked at me waiting for the information to process. Of course we didn’t need them.**

**“So what. Can’t we still have a garden?” She thought for a moment and turned to a different section in the book to look at vegetable plants.**

**“What would we do with them?”**

**“You could donate them.” Carlisle shouted from the porch outside. A second later he was standing on Esme’s other side gazing at the catalogue as well.**

**“Lots of food banks would be happy for fresh produce donations.” I added, not that she needed convincing. I could see the wheels in her head turning as she plotted the future garden.**

**“We could build a greenhouse.” She beamed.**

**“And do cover crops in the winter.” Carlisle now took the book and began turning pages. I couldn’t discern the look on his face.**

**“I didn’t know you were so interested in gardening.”**

**“My father’s church had a small garden for the poor. We could only really afford to plant what grows from scraps…..” He trailed off into his own mind. He rarely spoke about things that long ago. His mood shifted and he looked down at Esme. “Plus the great passions of my wife became passions of my own long ago.” She smiled up at him. Any stranger could tell they were wildly in love.**

………

“Are you hungry?” Esme’s words interrupted my thoughts. I shook my head and tried to focus. 

“Um, not really.” I had hunted with Edward just before dawn. 

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“About what?”

“Whatever is spinning around in your mind? You’ve only been out here an hour and I’m already starting to get dizzy just looking at you.” She smiled softly. Could we have really been out here for an hour? Time got so distorted in the greenhouse. 

“I’m just thinking about the summer.”

“It was a good summer.”

“Mostly.” I added quietly.

“Yes, mostly.” She agreed.

……..

**“I can’t do that.”**

**“You have too.”**

**“You’re not listening to me.”**

**“I am, I hear you, and I’m sorry Beau, but this is not a debate.”**

**“You’re right, it’s not a debate. BECAUSE I’M NOT GOING.” I jumped out of the window leaving Edward in the bedroom. I ran as hard as I could. I circled the woods over and over again. I finally stopped just out of view of the back of the house. I started pacing.**

**How could he expect me to do this?**

**I stared at the house. Half of my heart sat anxiously inside, probably wondering when I would come back - if I would. It had only been a few weeks since the funeral. Everyone kept telling me how great I was adjusting. I couldn’t feel farther from adjusted. My mind was a relentless ocean crashing behind my eyes. I heard a shift from the chair inside. The only way to fix things was to talk. I closed my eyes and took a deep unnecessary breath. I called out loudly in my mind.**

**_Bella?_ **

……..

Esme carried the produce inside to wash. I laid out on a porch chair and let the sun soak over my skin. I had always loved this feeling, it is comforting to know some things never change.

…….

**_Beau is that you?_ **

**_Yeah I’m here._ **

**_Thank God you’re here._ **

**_What’s wrong?_ **

**_It’s been a long week._ **

**_It’s Tuesday?_ **

**_I went back to school._ **

**_Oh._ **

**_Yeah everyone is acting weird_ **

**_They were pretty weird before._ **

**_Beau be nice! You know what I’m talking about._ **

**_Okay okay. How’s Charlie?_ **

**_Um, he’s…… he’s waking up and going to work…. He’s eating._ **

**_That’s good._ **

**_Yeah, he’s getting back to being just ‘not okay’. As opposed to completely distraught._ **

**_And you?_ **

**_Well, I have you. I guess I’m not as……. ‘Not okay’._ **

**_You know, for an aspiring English Lit major, you sure have a way with words._ **

**_Oh Beau, it’s been so long since you’ve been like this._ **

**_Like what?_ **

**_You seem carefree._ **

**_Do I?_ **

**_Beau?_ **

**_Yeah._ **

**_Can I ask you something without you getting mad?_ **

**_Always._ **

**_Can I see you? It’s just I’m starting to feel crazy, talking to voices in my head, you know?_ **

**_Voices? And here I thought I was the only one._ **

**_Beau!_ **

**_Go to the window and open your eyes._ **

**I opened my eyes and looked at the back of the house. I could see her in the window. She was scanning the yard nervously. Her hair was piled up in a mess of a bun and she was already in pajamas. I lifted my foot to move forward.**

**“Beau.” I turned and saw Alice behind me.**

**“What.”**

**“If you do this now, she will not be able to control herself.”**

**“What if I tell her not to move, not to make a sound.”**

**“Beau there is no version where this ends favorably.” She looked at me with sad eyes, I knew she was telling the truth.**

**“How do I show her I’m here? Can’t I give her a sign?” Alice thought for a minute. My mind spun. How do I show her? Leave a note? No that’s stupid. Wait…**

**“Alice what if I gave her that portrait I painted? The one of Charlie, Bella, and me? She can say she found it in the studio shed if anyone asks.” I watched as Alice flipped through the rolodex of possibilities in her mind.**

**“That’s safe enough.” She was gone in an instant. A minute passed by in painful slowness. She returned with the canvas. Charlie smiled back at me from the painting, his arms around each of our shoulders. It wasn’t a memory we had time to make. I closed my eyes and once again called out for her.**

**_Bella!_ **

**_What? What is it?_ **

**_I can’t see you right now. It’s not the right time._ **

**_Beau…_ **

**_It’s okay, I’ll find a way. Soon. I promise. Until then I want you to have this._ **

**_Have what?_ **

**_You’ll have to say you found it in the shed if anyone asks._ **

**_Okay?_ **

**_Open your eyes._ **

**I watched as she slowly looked down at the painting Alice had placed on the window ledge. She grabbed it gingerly and smiled as she studied it. Her hand gently touched my face. She looked out at the yard and whispered.**

**“Thank you Beau.”**

**I heard someone else joining us at the tree line. Alice touched my arm lightly before flitting off. I felt Edward’s arms wrap around me from behind. His touch still sent sparks of lighting through me. I leaned back and sighed out of habit.**

**“I’m sorry.” He kissed my head. “I just want to make the best decisions for us. I want you to be happy. To be safe.”**

**“I’m happy now.” I started swaying slowly. I could feel him smile and he started humming. We watched Bella in the window until she shut off the light.**

**“Edward?”**

**“Hmm.”**

**“I’m sorry too. For running…. Again.” He stopped and turned me to face him. He ran his hand down the side of my face.**

**“It’s been a long couple of weeks. I think we can cut ourselves a little slack.”**

**“Will you walk me home?”**

**“Do you require an escort Mr. Swan?” He teased.**

**“Yes.” I stuck my chin out.**

**“Then as a gentleman, I must oblige.” He offered me his arm and I wrapped my hand around it. We laughed as we set out in the forest. I let my mind relax and began dreaming of us on an old timey boardwalk. Maybe walking the Navy Pier Edward had told me about. I tried to imagine what the clothes might have looked like, Edward’s copper hair striking out from underneath a newsboy hat. I stopped so I could show the scene to him. He smiled when I finished.**

**“I would’ve liked that very much.” We started walking again and he continued. “It would’ve been impossible back then. To walk like this down the Pier.”**

**“What do you mean?”**

**“You and Me. A couple.” His face dropped for a fraction of a second and something in my head started clicking.**

**“Is that why you want to leave? So we don’t have to hide?”**

**“Partly…. I just finally have you, and I get to have you, and yet we’re still hiding because we’re here. And if we left we could be together, in public, go out.”**

**“I want those things too. I’m just not ready to leave.”**

**“Can you try to explain why?”**

**“Because I feel about Bella the way I imagined you felt every time you used to leave me… Knowing something might happen to her…. Knowing I would abandon her…. Can you understand that?”**

**“I can understand that.” He paused and looked down at me. “It will be so much more complicated this way Beau.” He ran his free hand through his hair.**

**“What if we take a trip this summer? You know, once my eyes have finished…” I gestured vaguely to my face. “We can go anywhere you want to. Get away and get out.”**

**“For the whole summer?” He asked excitedly.**

**“For four weeks?” I countered.**

**“Okay. It’s a date.” He smiled and placed his hand around mine on his arm.**

**“Do we have to Walk the whole way?” He whined after a few steps.**

……….

Esme returned to the porch. I stretched out and sat up. 

“I’m taking the baskets down to Raymond. I can make it a four hour trip.” I counted it out in my head, four hours would be perfect timing. 

“I don’t know.”

“I refuse to let you wallow anymore. Let’s go.”

“But-” She held her hand up.

“I’m pulling the mom card. Get in the car darling boy.” I couldn’t help but smile when she called me that. I teased Edward once that he was like Peter Pan, sneaking in my window and stealing me away to Neverland. Esme said that made me a Darling boy. 

I paused inside the house while Esme grabbed a jacket. Jasper was reading quietly on the couch. He looked up at me.

_ Wanna come with? _

He closed his book and contemplated the invitation.

_ Can I choose the music? _

_ Are you going to make us listen to Garth Brooks the whole time? _

_ Yes or No Beau? _

_ Yes _

“Excellent.” He said aloud tossing the book onto the coffee table and stood. 

“Both my boys are coming? What a treat.” Esme chose to take the new Subaru with dark tinted windows. Edward had purchased it so we could go for drives without being recognized. I sat in the backseat just in case. As she turned down the driveway a familiar tune crept out of the speakers. 

His eyes are cold and restless

And His wounds have almost healed

I groaned loudly, throwing my head back into the seat. Jasper laughed while he cranked the volume.

And she'd give half of Texas

Just to change the way he feels

He told me once that country music had peaked and died in the 1990’s. I would have to take his word for it.

'Cause she knows his love's in Tulsa

And she knows he's gonna go

I covered my ears knowing what was coming next. Esme braced against the steering wheel as Jasper opened his mouth.

“BUT IT AIN’T NO WOMAN FLESH IN BLOOD IT’S THAT DAMNED OLD RODEO!” We all couldn’t help but laugh. It had taken Jasper the longest to warm to me. I tried not to take it personally, he seemed to be somewhat reserved when the whole family was together. In smaller settings he was more easy going. Esme sped down the 101 and my thoughts once again drifted. 

……..

**The air was crisp around us as we moved through the trees. I could see Edward’s face as we ran. A smile was plastered from ear to ear. This was his favorite way to move and he did it so gracefully. I remembered when we first ran through the forest, me on his back. It seemed like whole lifetimes had been packed between that moment and now. He stopped suddenly and I had to double back to him.**

**“What do you see?” I looked up to him perched on the highest branch of ancient conifer.**

**“Mountains and water.”**

**“My favorite.” He looked down at me and laughed. He released from the tree and plummeted to my side.**

**“Yes, your favorite.” He kissed me hard. The rain was lifting to a drizzle. I hoped the sun wouldn’t show and ruin the day. Even though Magallanes was sparsely populated Edward still worried. I wondered if Edward would ever stop worrying, and what’s more if I really wanted him too. The kiss ended too soon.**

**“Where do you want to camp tonight?”**

**“On the water.”**

**“Always on the water.” We choose a little island off the coast. We ran it several times and, after Edward was satisfied we were alone, set up the tent. We didn’t need a tent, or rations, or blankets, but Edward was convinced we needed to look like average backpackers if caught. We hadn’t seen or been seen by anyone since Panama City. I thought back to the first leg of our journey, riding motorcycles from Washington all the way to Phoenix. I had gotten to show Edward the old house one night and the next day we drove into the dessert to see Joshua trees in person. We continued down the Pan American Highway to the Darien Gap where we set out on foot.**

**After the tent was set I looked out over the water. I pulled out my sketch pad and continued working on the Cuernos del Paine mountains we had seen some days before. Edward stretched out next to me on the grass and laid his head in my lap. Eventually I abandoned the drawing to play with his hair.**

**“Edward?”**

**“Hmmm?”**

**“When we talked about things that would’ve been impossible for you back during your human years, was there anything else you wanted but didn’t get to have?”**

**“What do you mean?” He didn’t move from my lap but opened his eyes.**

**“Like what did you dream of, for your life? Like if we had met back then.”**

**“** **I'm from a different era. Things were a lot more complicated. I guess if I would have met you back then... well what I would’ve wanted to do was court you. I would've wanted to have taken chaperoned strolls and had iced tea on the porch. Maybe I would’ve stolen a kiss or two. And then, only after asking your father's permission, I would've got down on one knee and I would've presented you with a ring.” He paused, I wondered if he was picturing it.**

**“But…” I said trying to continue.**

**“But more than likely I would’ve seen you once from across a room or a crowded street, and then longed for you the rest of my life.” He grabbed my hand and kissed my palm.**

**“You could do all those things now.”**

**“Yes, and you’re more than worth the wait.” He smiled and closed his eyes again.**

**“Edward?”**

**“Yes?” I took a hard swallow and worked up some courage.**

**“What about other…. Things.”**

**“What else is there?”**

**“Um… well… you know… bedroom things.” The words sent my full body into a mental blush.**

**“Bedroom things?” Edward chuckled lightly.**

**“You said when I was human it wouldn’t be possible… but now….” I was thankful he kept his eyes closed as we spoke.**

**“Now it would be very, very possible Beau.”**

**“Oh.” So why hadn’t we? I tried to shake off the feeling of self consciousness that surrounded me.**

**“Would you understand if I said that I wanted to keep some parts of my original dream intact?”**

**“Meaning?”**

**“Meaning Bedroom things would happen in a Marital bed.”**

**“Oh.” I looked down at him. I didn’t have any experience with marriages that didn’t end. Did I ever want to get married? Doubtful. A part of me worried this was the beginning of our ending. But Edward said this was his dream, his idea of romance, he waited a hundred years for this. I wanted him to have everything. I pressed pause on my panic attack and answered him.**

**“I could understand that.”**

…….

We unloaded the produce in the rain. The donations coordinator was a short and rounded woman named Jill. Her impossibly blonde hair was twisted up and clipped, showing off her dangling earrings. Dolphins. 

“This is great. We love your garden donations. I can’t believe you have this much surplus.”

“It’s the least we can do.” Esme smiled.

“You boys playing hooky today?”

“Community service hours.” Jasper lied without having to think. 

“How wonderful. My kids barely get up for school, let alone service hours.” She laughed and we politely joined her. She took the clip out and shook her hair. I froze instantly. Jasper looked into my eyes.

_ Two kids. Married seventeen years. Charity volunteer.  _

I blinked, stopped breathing, and then repeated it back to his mind.

_ Two kids. Married seventeen years. Charity volunteer.  _

I smiled at her as she shook Esme’s hand before we left. Jasper and I had developed a plan for urges. We would list all the facts we knew about the temptation. We would say it back and forth as long as it took to regain control. If we didn’t know them then we would just make up facts based on what they were wearing or doing. Jasper and I took comfort in knowing we weren’t facing it alone. The drive home was quiet, Esme had taken back over the music and was playing old jazz. A song I hadn’t heard since May came across the playlist.

…….

**“Alice where are we going?”**

**“On an adventure.”**

**“Oh God.” She giggled and pulled me into her room. Before I could speak again she wrapped a blindfold around my eyes.**

**“Alice…”**

**“Beau. Just trust me.” I stood and thought about fighting her.**

**“Okay.” I relented.**

**“Fabulous. Take off your clothes.”**

**“You know, I don’t see that happening.”**

**“EMMETT, JASPER!” I heard them barreling in from outside.**

**“No! No. I’m following directions. I’m trusting.” I started untying my shoes. The wrecking crew burst through the door.**

**“Nevermind.” Alice chimed. Emmett sang a chorus of awww’s down the hallway as they left. I undressed down to my pants.**

**“Pants Beau.”**

**“You give me new pants and I’ll take these off.” Even with the blindfold I could tell she was rolling her eyes. She placed the new pants in my hands.**

**“Now change.”**

**“Close your eyes.”**

**“Beau!”**

**“Alice!”**

**“Okay they’re closed.” I changed quickly trying to stay as covered as possible.**

**“You didn’t close your eyes did you?” I sighed as I buttoned.**

**“No.” She pulled a shirt over my head. “But I never do and you know that. Hold still.”**

**She put on a button up shirt next and then some kind of jacket. I felt the collar hanging open just a little, I was happy she was at least trying to think of me with this outfit. She had captured me multiple times now for her blindfold fashion reveals. She said when I saw the clothes first that I hated them for no reason. I could only imagine what she had dreamed up this time. Hopefully it didn’t have any crystals. She slipped me back into boots but they zipped instead of laced, they must be dress boots. Grabbing my hand she led me back into the hallway and down the stairs.**

**“Where are we going?”**

**“Adventure isn’t over yet.” I was led to the garage and into a car. The volvo?**

**“Alice you are really taking these dramatic reveals too far.” She laughed and I felt us driving away from the house. I tried to tell where we were going. Left, right, right, left, left, right, right.** **She was going in circles. I couldn’t follow in my head. Suddenly she stopped. My door was opened and I smelled a familiar delicious scent next to me.**

**“Edward?” He took my hand and I climbed out.**

**“Climb on my back.” He whispered.**

**“I can run.”**

**“Alice insists you do not take your mask off.” I sighed and wrapped myself around him. When we finally stopped he set me down and vanished. Suddenly I heard him once more.**

**“Go ahead love.” I removed the blindfold and looked around the clearing. It was our meadow. Someone, I assume Alice, had laced fairy lights through the grass on knee high poles. In the center Edward stood in a jet black suit with a matching skinny tie. I had thought he looked irresistible in regular clothes, Human me would’ve fainted to see him like this. He looked timeless and beautiful. I looked down at my own clothes. It was more casual than his, a dark emerald green suit with no vest and open collar. I think Alice was finally starting to understand my style. He extended a hand to me and I crossed the meadow to join him.**

**“What is this?”**

**“You didn’t think I would let you miss prom, did you?”**

……..

We pulled back into the garage exactly four hours after leaving. Just as promised. I helped Esme return the baskets to the greenhouse before heading upstairs to finish waiting. Twenty minutes later the volvo glided into the garage. I sat on the couch in his bedroom and opened a book, pretending to be as casual as possible. Edward opened the door and threw his backpack before catapulting himself across the room. He landed on top of me and the couch gently and crashed his head into my chest.

“Hello.” I kissed his hair and inhaled him deeply.

“Remind me why I couldn’t have gone away to boarding school after your tragic and untimely death?” He complained.

“Because it makes more sense for Bella.” 

“You’re lucky I love you.”

“I know.” I whispered. He leaned up and kissed me.

“I missed you.”

“I missed you too. Now, I have a surprise for you.” He raised his eyebrows in suspicion. I produced a blindfold and tied it tightly. 

“Beau?”

“You only get five questions. I’d save them for the car.”

“What are we doing in the car?”

“Now you only have four.” 


	2. Dreams

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Dedicated to the first Kudos of Part 2!! Thanks AT_HS_BS <3

I led him out to the garage and placed him into the passenger seat of the tinted Subaru SUV. Once we were past Seattle I pushed the speedometer as high as it would go which, thanks to Rosalie, was faster than could ever be necessary. 

“Here are the rules. You get five questions, well you had five questions and now you have four. My answers will be final and will not change. You MAY NOT remove the blindfold for any reason. You MUST listen for cops. And last you cannot ask where we’re going, what we’re doing, or how long we have left.”

“But those are all the good questions.” Edward complained. 

“You may begin starting now.”

“Honestly Beau, How do you come up with this stuff?”

“Aha! Question one.”

“No I didn’t mean it!”

“Too late. I actually came up with this plan based on my kidnapping for prom. Remember that?” He smiled and nodded. “You and Alice hid inside your heads from me. So to do the same I sent Alice far enough away that her mind was off limits and I told no one else the plan.”

“So Alice’s trip to visit an old friend in Italy was a ruse.”

“Yes.” 

“And since you can’t read my mind, you’re clueless. Three left.” He sat in silence while I found something to listen to. Time constricted and contracted between us as we drove on. Two states away he spoke again. 

“I would like to ask a clarification question regarding the rules without losing a question.”

“Okay.”

“I can’t ask where, what, or how. Could I ask why?” He seemed pleased as if he had found a loophole.

“You could.”

“Why are we doing this?”

“Because I want to.” His face fell.

“That’s not a real answer.”

“All Answers are final.” He folded his arms and pretended to look out the window. I couldn’t help but laugh at his pout. I grabbed his hand and began singing along to the radio. Three hours later I stopped for gas again. When I got back into the car he was ready with question four.

“How did you know how far away to send Alice? Did you guys spend weeks measuring the distance it took to trick me?” He almost sounded wounded by our conspiracy.

“That sounded like two questions.”

“It was one very compounded question.”

“You’re on thin ice, but your dazzling ways will protect you…. This time.”

“It’s good to hear that I can still dazzle you.” We both smiled.

“The answer to your question is actually very simple. When Rosalie and Alice got me my motorcycle you were in Finland and you had no idea. I picked a place of a similar distance. Easy.”

“I think I wasted that question.”

“I think you might have. One remaining.” We sat once again in silence. We turned south with only three more hours ahead of us. I wondered what his last question would be. When we had nearly reached the outer limits of our destination I gave him a hint.

“The sun is rising.”

“It is!” He sounded panicked.

“Don’t worry it will be overcast I checked.”

“That’s not it.” He sounded sad.

“What’s wrong?”

“If the sun is rising it means it’s September thirteenth, and your gift is at home.”

“Edward, don't worry about that.” He didn’t take my advice. He was still wallowing when I pulled the car into a spot. I fed the meter while he waited in the car. I helped him out and removed the blindfold. He blinked and looked at me.

“Why are we here?”

“I thought we could take that walk on the Pier for my birthday.” He smiled widely and took my hand. We walked up the Chicago Harbor slowly, stopping to point out docked boats and watch the water. 

“I should’ve known, it’s always water with you.” I smiled and he launched into a history of the Pier. Apparently it was built in 1916, just two years before Edward was found by Carlisle in the hospital. As we got closer I made out the shapes of the ferris wheel he told me about. It was all different then I had imagined, but then again so was Chicago when Edward grew up here. We walked to the end and looked over lake Michigan. Edward released my hand to lean on the railing. The wind, which I understood to practically be the patron saint of Chicago, knocked my hat off.

“This seems more like a present for me than for you.”

“Well now that you mention it..” I bent over to grab the baseball cap from the ground. “There is one other thing I hope I’m getting.” 

“What’s that?” Edward turned to face me.

“You.” I held a ring out in my palm. Edward didn't speak for several seconds and I wondered how long I would have to stay down on one knee.

“Beau Swan, are you asking me to marry you?” He seemed to be in total disbelief. 

“Edward Cullen,” I teased. “I believe I am.” He smiled and pulled me up into a kiss. 

“Wait does that mean yes?” 

“Yes.” He held me for the longest time and we looked over the water. I felt like one of those Hallmark Christmas movie couples Bella always rooted for and I hated. Maybe that stuff did happen in real life. I owed her an apology. 

“Do you want your ring?” He held out his hand and I placed it on his finger. Perfect fit, Alice never fails. He studied the ring with intense curiosity.

“What is it?”

“The band is carved from solid stone. It’s actually stone I brought back from our trip to Chile.”

“That was a good trip.” Edward remembered fondly. 

“The best.”

“I would’ve proposed.” Edward said as if apologizing. “If you had told me that you were ready.” We began walking again.

“You deserved it this way.”

“What do you mean?” He took my hand once more.

“You deserved the mystery. It’s like when you and Alice play chess. You never even move the pieces. You hear everyone’s thoughts, you read Alice’s visions, life must get so boring.”

“My life hasn’t been boring since January.” He pulled me in and wrapped one arm around my shoulders. I laughed and he kissed the side of my head.

“Still, You spent like a century imagining and reimagining what love would be like.” I stopped walking. “Just once I wanted you to enjoy the unexpected.”

“I did more than enjoy it Beau.” He smiled. 

“Good.” We spent the rest of the morning ducking in and out of museums and aquariums. We saw art and fossils and even the Baseball park Edward went to to watch games during his last human years. We saw some giant metal bean Edward referred to only as ‘The Atrocity’. By 10.30am we were back in the car. 

“Beau?”

“Yeah?”

“Can I have just one more question?” 

“Sure. Have as many as you want.” I laughed.

“Are you sure you’re ready? Last time we talked about it you said you didn’t know.”

“I’m sure.”

“What changed your mind?”

“It’s your dream.”

“Is it yours?”

“My dream is you, getting married only builds on that dream. I’m still nervous, but I think that will go away.”

“Really? You think it will just ‘go away’ ”

“Sure, we’ll get married and nothing bad will happen and then…” I shrugged. Edward seemed unconvinced. “Plus the great passions of my future husband became passions of my own long ago.”

It was dark by the time we arrived back at home. Edward insisted we be home while it was still my birthday so I could receive my gift. The house was eerily quiet as we parked the car. 

“Do you hear that?”

“I don’t hear anything Beau.”

“No one is inside? You don’t hear any thoughts?” He shook his head in denial. I opened the door slowly.

“CONGRATULATIONS!” Alice’s voice drowned out everyone else's and filled the whole house. The ceiling was covered with dangling lights and vines as if we had entered a tropical canopy instead of a living room. 

“Liar.” I whispered. Edward chuckled lowly. Esme and Carlisle came forward to hug us. Esme looked beside herself as she kissed both of my cheeks.

“It’s about time you got here, she’s been making us stand completely still for two hours.” Rosalie huffed and fidgeted with her hair. 

“Rosalie! I didn’t know you guys were back.” She had been accepted into an Archeology program in Nova Scotia. Rosalie was drawn to any field where a majority of the work was hands-on. I hadn’t seen her or Emmett since the semester started. 

“Just for the weekend. Alice threatened bodily harm if we didn’t come.” She took my hand and gave it a little squeeze. 

“I missed you too.” I teased, she rolled her eyes. 

“Is that what you wore?!” Alice complained. Everyone was in formal clothes except us. 

“If I was dressed up he might’ve known.” I shrugged. Edward was still in the clothes he wore to school a day earlier, he wasn’t getting complaints. Then again he was dressed like a catalogue model, as always.

“Beau you have grass stains on your jeans!” I looked down.

“I was in the garden. Besides it was just the proposal, not the wedding. I’m sure you will plan the most beautiful, stain free wedding ever.”

“You mean it?” She beamed.

“Who else would have a better vision than you.” She laughed and hugged me. I held her tightly, she had been in Italy for eight days and it was eight days too long. She moved to Edward next. I stood watching. 

“Little B, who knew you’d be the one to pull the trigger.” Emmett slapped my back unexpectedly and pulled me in. 

“You smell weird.” 

“Yeah that’s the fish.”

“Fish? What are you studying at that school?”

“Nah, I quit College. I’m a fisherman now. Bought a real nice boat and everything. You get used to the smell.”

“No you don’t.” Rosalie called from the other side of the room. Buying a boat and deciding to be a fisherman with no warning seemed very on brand for Emmett. We talked for a minute longer about nets and hauls before Rosalie stole him away.

“Well this certainly explains things.” I turned around to Jasper peering down at me.

“What do you mean?”

“You spent yesterday being more nervous than a long tailed cat in a room full of rockin chairs.” 

“You felt that?”

“Hard not too. But in all seriousness, congrats man.” 

“Thanks.” We shook hands. Edward rejoined my side and stayed there for the remainder of the evening. Eventually we managed to escape the dolting and find a moment of peace on the back porch.

“It’s almost midnight.” I reminded him.

“I’m running out of time.” Edward smiled and disappeared. He returned carrying a large square box. 

“Now this was your original gift, but under the circumstances I’d like to give you two.” He set the box on the porch railing in front of me. “Original gift first.” I opened it carefully. On top there was a pristine vinyl with the plastic still on.

“Records?” 

“I thought you might want something to sing along to.” I pulled the records out one by one. Dean Martin, Frank Sinatra, Sammy Davis Jr., a few Rat Pack compilations… and a dozen more. They were all unopened original editions. It must have taken him forever to hunt them all down in this condition. 

“Do you like them?”

“I love them. They’re perfect.” I gathered them back into the box. “Let’s go get the record player.” I picked up the box and Edward smiled.

“Hold on, you still have one gift left.”

“Oh, right.” I set the box back down. Edward reached into his pocket and produced a gold ring. He held it up between his thumb and finger.

“This was my father’s.” It was a signet style ring with a square face and a soft weaving design on the sides. An overly scripted cursive M was engraved on the top. It was wonderful, and irreplaceable. Even as a vampire I felt too clumsy to possess such a priceless heirloom. 

“Edward, Are you sure-” He cut me off sensing my hesitation. 

“You said yourself I’ve been imagining romance for nearly a hundred years.” He whispered and gave me a quick peck. When he spoke again his voice was firm. “I want you to have this ring.” He slid it on my finger and lifted my hand to his face kissing the palm. I slid my hand across his cheek and around the back of his neck before pulling him into a kiss. Edward stopped suddenly and pulled away, looking inside the house.

“It seems Alice has a present for you as well.” He looked tense and concerned. I followed his gaze and met Alice’s eyes through the kitchen window.

_ Beau, it’s time.  _

The walk was punishingly slow but I needed to work up the necessary nerves. We hadn’t talked in a week. She had become increasingly irritated by the distance I forced between us. I couldn’t blame her. It seemed like an impossible weight to carry. 

The house appeared as the woods thinned and I could see all the lights were off. I listened carefully to make sure Charlie was sound asleep downstairs. I looked up to see Bella had once again left the window open. Sometimes I left her things on the ledge. I looked down and the wrapped gift in my hand, I could always just leave it and go home. ‘No one will blame you if you’re not ready’ Edward had said. The truth was I was beyond ready to see Bella, I just worried she didn’t want to see me. I half ran two steps before jumping onto the window sill. 

Careful not to make a sound I sat down sideways. I kept one foot on the sill and rested my chin on my knee. As I dropped my other leg down towards the floor to keep my balance, I realized this would be the first time I stepped foot back into this house since that night. I hesitated, then gently rested my shoe against the wooden boards. Bella was sleeping peacefully, it almost seemed wrong to wake her. 

“Bella?” I whispered, not sure how best to do this. She stirred but didn’t wake. “Bella?” I tried a little louder. This time she sat up and rubbed her eyes.

“Beau?” 

“Yeah, I’m here.” She froze. I tried not to move, to give her the time she needed to process. She slowly turned on a small lamp by her bed. Her face was completely blank.

“Usually when I turn on the lamp you disappear.” She rubbed her face hard and then looked at me again. 

“It’s not a dream Bells.” I rose from the window cautiously and sat next to her on the bed. She raised a hesitant hand and touched my cheek.

“It’s not a dream.” She threw her arms around me and began crying. I let my hands gently hover just above her as I attempted to return the hug. 

“Shhhhh Bella we can’t wake Charlie.”

“I’m sorry.” She released me and took deep breaths.

“Don’t be sorry. I’d be crying too if I could.”

“What do you mean?”

“Um..” I couldn’t think of a way to say it. “Nothing. Happy Birthday.”

“Happy Birthday yourself.” She smiled and wiped at the remaining tears.

“I got you something.” I held it out to her. She tore through the paper and held the book carefully. “It’s an early edition of Emma. I remember once you said it would be a dream to own all of Austin’s first editions.” 

“Beau it’s wonderful, but how did you afford this?” She touched the cover with one finger and looked up at me. I had no good answer. Was it expensive? I had enlisted Alice to help me find it. 

“Doesn’t matter.” I shrugged. She placed it on her nightstand and shook her head.

“Beau how is this real? How is this happening? You’ve never answer my questions.” I swallowed hard and reminded myself to breathe and blink.

“I can’t answer them Bella. I’m sorry.” 

“That’s not good enough.” 

“You have to trust me, and if you can’t…… then I can’t stay.” 

“Don’t leave.” She grabbed my hand and looked down at it. This time when she touched me her mind had time to process it. “You’re so cold Beau.” She looked back at me. “You look so different… your eyes… please talk to me..” I stood and faced the window. 

“Bella I can’t….”

“Okay Okay.” We shared a brief silence before she spoke again. 

“Beau?”

“Yeah?” I turned back around. 

“Will I see you again?”

“Do you want to?”

“Of course. Why wouldn’t I?”

“It’s just the last time we talked…”

“I was mad Beau, I didn’t mean it.”

“Bella, you said sometimes you wished I had just stayed gone...that it might have been better if I had really-” I couldn’t finish. New tears welled in her eyes as I spoke.

“Everything that’s happened is so confusing Beau,” She started crying harder. “I had to bury you. And then I can still hear you? And these gifts show up on my window? And every day I lie to Charlie… And Jacob. Some days it feels like the cruelest joke…” She trailed off. Nothing she could ever say to me compared to the pain this all was causing her. I wondered idly if trying to hide her from it all was really for the best. I heard something move in the trees outside. Reflexively I moved to the window and growled. It was only Alice.

“If you tell her, her future becomes obstructed. I can’t see it anymore.”

“Is that good or bad?”

“I honestly don’t know.” I thought about it for a moment.

“What about the rest of us, our futures? The family?”

“We all seem fine for now, there seems to be a lot of blindspots in my visions recently. I discussed this with Carlisle, he thinks in time the half truth may be more dangerous than the whole truth. You and Bella are too intertwined.” 

“Alice what do I do?”

“I don’t know.”

“What does Edward think I should do?”

“You’re the only one who can make this decision.” I turned around and looked at Bella. We had been talking too low for her to hear. 

“Bella, if I tell you the truth will you swear to never tell another person? Not Charlie. Not the Blacks. Not the kids at school. Absolutely no one.”

“Yes. I swear.” She crossed her heart. I turned back to the window. 

“Is that better Alice?” 

“A little… yes, yes better.” Her face was scrunched as if she were thinking very hard. I wondered if the blind spots were normal for Alice.

“I’m still not sure…”

“Beau can I offer you some advice?”

“Yes! Anything!” 

“I have some experience in feeling like you don’t understand your own mind… I wouldn’t wish the feeling on anyone.” I looked back at Bella who was still in the dark, waiting patiently with the same wide eyed expression she had given me before our flight to Forks. I bit my lip nervously. 

“Do you want to go on a walk?”

I took her on the same route I had journeyed when contemplating Edward and trying to make sense of all the information I had learned. I was about to give that same information to Bella. Would she feel the way about it that I had? Will she still love me? I helped her along and stopped her from falling twice. I realized now how patient Edward had been with me on more than one occasion. The downed tree was still there, I helped Bella sit down carefully.

“Everything is wet.” She shifted to pull her jack further beneath her. 

“What’s new?” I laughed. 

“Why did we have to come all the way out here?”

“In case you don’t respond well. We don’t want to wake Charlie.”

“Oh, well what if he wakes up and I’m not there?”

“I’ll know, don’t worry.”

“Will you tell me now?” 

“Close your eyes.”

“Why?”

“Because I might not be able to do this if I have to look at you the whole time.” She closed her eyes and sighed.

_ Ready? _

_ Ready. _

I did my best to go slowly. Editing when needed. I decided to leave Jacob and the stories out completely, she was there. When I got to Port Angeles I started Abridging things more, some moments were only for me and Edward. I heard her draw in a sharp breath when she realized what was happening on the baseball field. As I replayed that last night I could hear her heart quicken. I skipped my conversation with Billy, cutting to the moment she opened the door. She squeezed her hands into fists when Jacob pulled her out of the way. What I showed her next was the hardest. When I kept pausing she reached out and took my hand. I tried to show her as little of the pain as I could. Unfortunately my own memories were so soaked with it that there was little I could do to shield her. My body slammed against the pavement and she began sobbing. As my screams filled our heads she squeezed my hand tighter. The memory was so raw I became trapped in it. Bella opened her eyes suddenly and choked on her own tears. The jolt in concentration released me as well. 

“You died. I saw it. You died.” 

“Bella, that’s only half the memory.” 

“I can’t do this.”

“Bella.” She stood and looked around wildly. I quickly stood as well and placed my hands on either side of her face forcing her to look at me. 

“Stop,” She begged. “Stop, I must be dreaming. I want to wake up.”

“Just see the other half.” I showed her when I woke up. Then the hunt. I carefully left out any part including actually killing an animal. She placed her hand on top of mine when I remembered the first time we spoke. I showed her the funeral. She laughed softly at the buried alive comment. 

“Only you would joke about your own funeral.” I smiled at her. She had stopped crying so hard, I wondered if she was running out of tears. I showed her how much I wanted to see her. How I missed her. I showed the multiple arguments I had when someone said we should leave. I fought so hard to stay near her, I had to make her understand that. She stopped crying all together when I remembered the summer. I stopped just shy of the first day of school. I dropped my hands.

“Now you know.” We stared at each other, an arm's length and worlds apart at the same time. 

“So… you’re…”

“A vampire.”

“Have you ever…” 

“No. Only animals.”

“But you want to.”

“I don’t  _ want _ to, but I’ll never not have the….. urge... to.” She was silent once more. 

“Do you want to kill me?” She said softly after several minutes. 

“Oh absolutely,” Her eyes widened in fear. “But I understand that feeling is common between siblings.” I winked.

“Are you seriously making jokes right now?”

“I’m trying to.” She threw her head into her hands and began laughing uncontrollably, almost hysterically. 

“God Beau, it’s like the more information I get the less I know.” She rubbed her face and crossed her arms. “So what now?” 

“What do you mean?”

“Well… can I come visit you? Like at the Cullens?”

“I’ll have to ask.”

“What about the future? How long will you stay with me?”

“In your life? Always. In the same town as you? Probably graduation.” We hadn’t discussed it but I assumed Edward would want to travel or go to school elsewhere. She began pacing, we were pacing people, us Swans. 

“I wish you told me.”

“I just wanted to protect you.”

“You always say that. You thought you had died for me, for everyone, and were totally fine with it! You didn’t show me a single moment of regret or doubt. You were just ready.” She looked at me with tired eyes. There was no explanation to give her about that night that could make it any better, any clearer. It wasn’t clear to myself. I thought of a book of poems Edward kept near his couch. 

_ “ _ _ In this part of the story I am the one who dies, the only one, and I will die of love because I love you, because I love you, Love, in fire and in blood.”  _ Bella rubbed her arms and sniffled.

“Let’s walk home, I’m cold.” I nodded and we started walking. 

“You’re handling this better than I expected.”

“Am I?” She said sarcastically. She tripped and I reached out to catch her.

“Careful Bells!” 

“Hey,  _ I’m _ still human, remember?” I flashed back to Edward’s overbearing tendencies during our early months. Looking at Bella now I knew he had every right to be worried. The house came into view and Bella stopped. 

“Remember, you can’t say anything to Charlie or the Blacks.”

“It seems like Billy already knows though.”

“Thinking something might have happened, and knowing for fact that it did are two different things. Please Bella, you  _ have _ to promise me. If you say something, even by mistake, I will have to leave…. Forever.”

“You’re not the only one who can make sacrifices Beau.” She said bitterly, then softened. “I will keep secrets from other people as long as you don’t keep anymore from me. And, of course, you don’t leave.” 

“Well if that is the deal then there is one more thing I should probably tell you.” I looked into her eyes and showed her the Pier. 


	3. Normal

I could hear his soft footsteps against the grass as I got closer, he was coming towards me. I wasn’t sure I was ready to have a conversation about it, especially if that really meant having an argument. My strings of thought were starting to overlap and tangle. In a moment of desperation I jumped, hoping for some kind of relief. 

I crashed into the river letting myself sink as far as possible before resurfacing. I swam up and back again until my head had completely cleared. When all I was left with was the feeling of my body gliding through the water I stopped. Edward was sitting on the bank waiting for me, turning his ring around his finger. 

“How long will this last?” I asked, floating on my back.

“What?”

“I know we don’t sleep because we don’t need too but everyday it’s like my brain begs to be reset.”

“Your mind is working to its full potential Beau. You’re just overwhelmed by the capacity it has.”

“Does that feeling go away?”

“You get used to it, give yourself a few years.” He looked at me and patted the grass next to him. I dipped below the water once more before joining him. He pushed my wet hair back off my forehead and gave me a kiss. 

“So you told her?” He sighed. I nodded back and he started turning his ring again. 

“Are you mad at me?”

“No.” He said without looking up from his hands.

“Then what is it?”

“I’m just worried. Ever since you spoke to her that first time it’s felt like our lives have been pulled down a certain path…. I’m not sure what’s at the end of it.” I grabbed his hand. 

“It wasn’t intentional.”

“I know that Beau. But it feels unstoppable, like you and Bella are too….”

“Intertwined.” I remembered Carlisle’s words to Alice.

“Yes.”

“Bella wants to come visit me. At home.”

“I know. Alice is already planning it.” He said with a half laugh. 

“Edward?” He looked up at me finally. “I really wish I knew what you thought I should’ve done. I was so unsure. For a minute I thought you lied and that vampires really could faint.” 

“I knew you’d make the right decision, but I didn’t know what the right decision was. I didn’t want to cloud your judgment.”

“Probably for the best, it is hard to keep my concentration when you’re around.” I nudged him with my shoulder. “Someone once told me I was intoxicated by your very presence.” I tried to lighten the mood a little. 

“That person sounds very wise.” He laughed. 

“Incredibly. It’s one reason I decided to marry him.” I smiled and kissed his cheek. Edward stretched and stood.

“Would the future Mr. Cullen care to join me for a hunt?” He offered his hand down to me and I joined him on my feet.

“Massen-Cullen.” I moved to walk but Edward stopped me.

“What?” 

“Well, if it’s alright with you I’d like to be the future Mr. Massen-Cullen. Of course we will probably just use Cullen for like schools or whatever but I figured at least just for us-” Edward cut off my rambling mid sentence in a fierce kiss. He held me firmly, one hand on each side of my neck. I wrapped my arms around his back and pulled him closer. He let me go too soon and looked down at me smiling.

“Just when I think I couldn’t fall anymore in love with you Beau….” He left the sentence unfinished and we darted off into the woods. 

It didn’t last long. With Edward’s help and lots of practice I had managed to hone my hunting skills. No matter what I did, I still couldn’t match the eloquence Edward had.

“Such a messy eater.” Edward smeared blood on my cheek in an attempt to wipe it away. I laughed and kissed him. 

“There’s something Bella asked me tonight, and I realized I didn’t exactly know the answer.” 

“And what was that?” 

“How long I would stay near her. Like in the same area.” Edward stiffened.

“What did you tell her?” 

“Until graduation.” 

“Really?” He sounded shocked. 

“Does that surprise you?”

“Yes.”

“I just figured after graduation you might want to go off to school, or we may travel, or she may move away to a college of her own.” I shrugged. “Isn’t that what would normally happen? We’d all go different directions after high school?” 

“I suppose so.” He smiled. “Still, I never would’ve imagined you’d be so willing to go off on our own so soon.” 

“Well I would still visit Bella occasionally right? And we’d live with Esme and Carlisle?” 

“With them or near them, at some point we start over all together and redo high school.” I grimaced, being able to skip school was one of the only perks. 

“I’d like to stay close.” 

“We’re a family Beau. And we’re more than that. A coven’s bond is deeply rooted. Even Rosalie comes home.” We walked in silence back to the house. I collected my box of records from the back porch as we headed inside. Alice poured over a mountain of wedding magazines, some in languages I couldn’t even recognize. Jasper sat next to her on the couch and played with her hair as she showed him inspiration he had no interest in seeing. Esme was at the kitchen island trimming a bouquet of flowers. I heard Carlisle in the office. 

“Where’s Rosalie and Emmett?” 

“They had to leave.” Esme answered and looked up from the roses. 

“She’s mad at me, isn’t she?”

“Only for the moment.” I sat down and put my head on the counter. I had just fixed things between us. Esme placed a hand on my back.

“Don’t worry, she’ll cool off.” I raised my head to look at her and she smiled. “Now, tell me all about the proposal.” 

It was dawn before I knew it. The night had slipped past in celebration and planning. Edward packed his bag for school and slid on a sweater. 

“It’s Friday, the week is basically over. Stay home.” 

“Beau, Beau, Beau. I wish I could.” 

“Why can’t you?” I complained.

“Because Someone should look after Bella today, make sure she keeps her promise.” 

“She will.”

“And I will make sure of it.” He kissed my head and left. I put one of my new records on as Alice and Edward drove off. Before I could flip it to the B side Jasper knocked at the door. 

“Want to go on a run?” I smiled, it would be the perfect cure for boredom. I yanked on my jeans from yesterday and a fresh long sleeve shirt. Jasper was waiting in the kitchen fastening the cuff buttons on his plaid shirt. Esme walked through carrying a woven wicker basket.

“Beau give me those Jeans, I’m starting the wash.” 

“We’re going on a run. I don’t want to dirty two pairs of jeans.” She shook her head at me.

“Sweetheart you have sixty pairs of pants. You can dirty any pair of those you want.” I still wasn’t used to having so many things. I got one new pair of shoes a year if I was lucky. Alice had bought me ten in one weekend once. 

“Then I’ll dirty this pair again.” I kissed her cheek and headed out the back door after Jasper. We took off into the woods running side by side. As we went we would take turns leading and choosing direction. The ground was still wet and our bare feet sunk into the moss and grass. Jasper insisted we run barefoot, he said it reminded him of his childhood.  _ Shoes are for pews,  _ he said. No matter how hard I tried I couldn’t imagine Jasper in a church. I don’t know how long we ran without stopping. An hour, maybe two. 

Suddenly Jasper skidded to a halt and stood completely still. He put a finger to his mouth and waved me south. I wasn’t sure why he silenced me, we never spoke on our runs. We moved at a slower, quieter pace. After a moment I picked up an unfamiliar scent. It must be what we’re after. Soon Jasper slowed to a walk and I could see the trees thinning in front of us. I heard soft thumps of feet across the ground. Jasper smiled and jumped into a tree in front of us. I followed and as we climbed I saw the pasture come into view. 

The horses grazed quietly, unaware of our presence. Jasper pointed to them, telling me about their coat color and breed. He guessed it was a trail riding business based on a large proportion of the horses being mountain breeds. A few mules grazed beside the horses giving even more credit to his theory. 

“Why don’t we go see them? I don’t hear any owners here.”

“Beau, Horses are skittish creatures by nature. Even more wary of predators such as ourselves. I haven’t been near a horse since I changed. They’re sense of danger is too keen.” I saw his face fall as he spoke. 

“Did you spend a lot of time with horses before….” I gestured vaguely.

“I rode everyday. First on my family ranch, then in the roping and riding competitions, eventually for the Rangers.” I wondered what Rangers Jasper referred to, Power Rangers were the only thing that came to mind, I doubted that’s what he meant. I turned my focus back to the horses. I thought of the little wolf I saw sometimes on my hunts, who listened when I talked. 

“Come on I want to try something.” I jumped from the tree and Jasper followed. We stood just out of sight. 

“What are we doing?” Jasper looked as wary as the horses did. 

“What do horses like to eat? Like a super irresistible treat?”

“Well, oats, apples, carrots. Though carrots aren’t exactly healthy…” Jasper kept talking but I ran to the barn through the woods. I found a pail of oats inside. At least I thought they were oats. I ran back and Jasper confirmed that they were.

“Okay, when we step up to the fence make them feel all calm.”

“That’s not how it works, I’m not sure animals are receptive.”

“Let’s just try it.” We walked extra slowly towards the fence. The horses looked up and their ears perked. I started feeling Jasper’s calm wash through me. I hoped the horses felt it too. I managed to lock eyes with a large chocolate mare several yards from us. I shook the pail of oats and her ears moved forward. She took a few steps forward as if to survey us. We both stood as still as possible. I looked into her eyes again. 

_ Friends.  _

I really wasn’t sure what else to say. I had never been around horses before. Were there certain things they liked to hear? ‘Good girl’ was the only thing that came to mind. I shook the bucket again and she moved a few more hesitant feet our way. The other horses watched her with curiosity. Jasper made a soft clicking noise with his tongue. She seemed to recognize the gesture and trotted slowly forward. She nervously stuck her nose out to smell the bucket. I looked into her eyes again.

_ Safe. Friends. Oats.  _

I felt like an idiot. I would have to ask Jasper what to say if we ever tried this again. Despite what I thought, my words seemed to work. She came forward and began eating from the pail in my hands. Jasper spoke to her gently and she stomped her back leg and huffed into the bucket. Jasper reached a tentative hand towards her and she backed away. Jasper’s face fell.

_ It’s okay. He won't hurt you. Come back, eat. _

She started eating again. Jasper tried once more to lay a hand on her neck and this time she didn’t pull back. The other horses started lazily moving towards us. Jasper took a scoop of oats from the pail with both hands and extended his arms towards a cinnamon horse to his left. The greedy horse ate them quickly. Jasper smiled broadly at me as he reached for another scoop. 

When the oats were all gone the horses fanned back out over the pasture. Jasper refilled the pail and placed it back in the barn. He returned with a wooden brush and started going over the cinnamon’s coat while whispering sweetly. The fat horse seemed not to worry about us as long as she was being pampered or fed. Jasper was now running his hands across her back and legs without so much as a bristle or shift of weight. I sat on the fence and watched him as the sun stretched over us. 

We heard a car rolling over the gravel on a nearby road and our time at the pasture came to an end. We raced back to the house in a bubble of happiness that flowed from Jasper. It was so intoxicating we found ourselves breaking into laughter. Esme was on the back porch reading a book when we tumbled into the backyard. 

“And where have the two of you been?” Jasper and I broke into dramatic retelling of our day with the horses. Esme laughed as we went, whether from Jasper’s good mood or our antics I couldn’t tell. Alice appeared on the porch just after we finished.

“What’s that smell?” Jasper picked her up in his arms and spun her around. 

“Horses!” He shouted.

“Horses?!” She giggled as she flew through the air against his chest. It was rare to see such an overt expression from Jasper. Edward joined us on the porch next. Jasper once again launched into the details of our day. At the end Alice begged Jasper to go and show her the horses. He promised her tomorrow. 

“Sounds like quite the adventurous day.” Edward joined me on the porch swing. 

“It was.”

“You seemed to have made Jasper very happy.” 

“You think so?” He leaned over and kissed my face then looked into my eyes.

_ Would you meet me in the bedroom?  _ He didn’t wait for an answer before rising and heading into the house. I moved to follow but Esme blocked me. 

“Absolutely not.”

“What?” She pointed up and down with her finger at me. I looked down and then turned to see that Jasper's pants were also caked in mud. There were footprints all over the deck where we had been walking. In our joyous run home Jasper and I hadn’t taken much care to avoid getting dirty. I rinsed my feet off with the garden hose but Esme wasn’t satisfied. 

“Clothes stay outside.” She said firmly. I groaned and walked around the house to Edawrd’s side window. Once I was sure no one could see I stripped my pants and shirt before quickly leaping inside. I landed on the soft carpet without a sound. 

“This isn’t exactly what I had in mind when I said I wanted to meet you in the bedroom.” Edward sat coolly on the couch watching me. I straightened out of my crouch and moved to the wardrobe to grab a pair of sweats. 

“Something wrong with the view?” I teased as I slipped into pants. 

“Not at all.” He opened his arms and I crawled into his lap. I had experienced so many wonderful things since meeting Edward, but nothing ever surpassed this feeling. 

“I can’t wait to get married.” I breathed into his chest.

“Why is that?”

“Weddings mean honeymoons.” 

“And so your real intentions are revealed.” He laughed and hugged me tighter. “Although, I can’t say that hasn’t crossed my mind as well.”

“Really?” 

“Why wouldn’t it?” 

“Well,” I shifted nervously. “I know why _ I _ can’t wait to be with  _ you _ , but I can’t imagine why  _ you _ ...” Edward cut me off.

“You still don’t understand how truly handsome you are.” He sat me up to look at him. All of his flawless features stabbed into me. “Beau, you are the most beautiful person I have ever met,” He kissed me. “And I’ve had a hundred years to look, remember?” I knew better than to try to change his mind. I laid my head back on his chest and changed the subject instead.

“So what did you have in mind when you said to meet you.”

“Oh yes, you’re always distracting me,” He leaned in and took a deep inhale of the top of my hair. 

“Edward.”

“Right. Bella asked to visit tomorrow.” I sat up.

“She asked you? Why didn’t she just ask me?”

“She said she asked you last night, and you said you would have to ask. She assumed you meant to ask me. So she ‘cut out the middleman’ so to speak.” He pretended to be matter-of-fact as he spoke, but his tone hinted at annoyance. 

“I meant ask the family.” 

“Yes I assumed that.”

“What did you tell her?”

“I told her nothing.” He paused. “Alice told her yes.”

“Without discussing it first? I hope everyone is okay with that. You should’ve told Bella to talk to me about it.”

“I don’t think I’m in a position to tell Bella anything.”

“What do you mean?”

“I get the feeling she doesn’t like me.” I searched his eyes for more information but I saw the subject close. I would have to sort this out with Bella. 

“So what do you want to do now?” I cuddled closer and wiggled my eyebrows.

“I assume we will be cleaning the house.”

“This house is spotless Edward.” I laughed.

“Yes, but Esme has guests coming tomorrow.” 

“Oh, please-”As if on cue Esme yelled up the stairs for us. She was standing at the bottom, apron tied around her waist and a bandana pulling back her hair.

“As I was saying.” Edward whispered.

I never knew there were so many things to clean in the house, or the garage, or the outbuildings. She would never even see half of what we dutifully scrubbed and dusted. I wondered if a similar evening was spent before Edward brought me home for the first time. Carlisle arrived home from the hospital around seven thirty. He took the news from Alice with grace but called Edward and I into his office. 

“Beau, you and Bella have an unexpected bond. And while it seems there is no way to sever it, a time may come where that is the necessary action to take. I have reached out to old friends and none have ever encountered the type of situation we now find ourselves in….” Carlisle had asked old friends about Bella and me? What did he tell them? What did he mean no one else had ever encountered our situation? I remembered when Edward once said my brain was on a different wavelength. How messed up was my head?

“Beau?” I looked up at Carlisle. He had continued to talk but I wasn’t listening. I hadn’t mastered how to use all my senses at once outside of hunting. 

“Sorry, what?” 

“You need to be prepared to set boundaries, and if required, cut all ties at any moment. This situation is unstable at best.” I nodded at him, contrite for not listening. 

“He can do it.” Edward answered some unspoken thought in Carlisle’s head. “He already set one boundary with graduation.”

“What about graduation?” Carlisle spoke with hesitance.

“Beau told Bella he was leaving after graduation.” Suddenly my off handed assumptions were set in stone. 

“That’s an excellent idea Beau.” Carlisle seemed to relax and took a seat in the chair behind his desk.

“I told her I would still see her once in a while, holidays and birthdays and stuff.” I was overwhelmed with the desire to lessen the separation. 

“Of course. But a carefully considered balance between your world and hers could make all the difference in the longevity of your relationship.” I slumped into a leather chair by the windows. It had never occurred to me that Bella and I existed in separate worlds. We had always shared everything; clothes, shoes, homes, memories. Now we existed like clock gears, completely separated, only connecting at one point as we turned through our lives. 

“Carlisle?” I said after some time had passed.

“Yes?”

“Are you angry with me?” 

“Of course not. Why do you ask?” He stopped shuffling papers on his desk and looked up at me.

“I just feel like ever since Edward and I met I’ve been a constant complication.” Edward turned from looking at the wall of paintings and scowled at me. Carlisle ignored him. 

“The soul was not constructed to be fully understood by man. Therefore, life is governed by the very mysteries from which it is created.” I stared blankly at Carlisle. He smiled and continued. “Show me someone with a simple life, and I will show you someone who is not living.” 

He moved to my side and placed a hand on my shoulder. 

“We are so happy you are a part of our family now.” He gave it a small squeeze and I looked into his eyes. “All of us.”

“Okay.” I whispered, unable to say anything else. Carlisle looked at Edward, who nodded, and then left the office. Edward pulled me to my feet and into a hug.

“When will you stop doubting yourself?” He sounded sad.

“I may be a vampire, but I’m still Beau Swan.”

“Not for long.” He laughed.

“What?”

“I was under the impression you wanted to become Beau Masen-Cullen as soon as possible. Or has the excitement for our honeymoon worn off?” I parted from him enough to see his face.

“Definitely not.”

“Good.” His smoldering expression matched my own. We stood enraptured with one another until someone’s thoughts intruded in Edward’s mind.

“What is it?” I asked when I saw his expression change.

“Alice thinks we should all go hunting, you and Jasper will need it.” She was probably right, well not  _ probably _ , it was Alice after all. 

“Okay, Let’s go.”

We flew through the woods, racing past one another. Occasionally we would purposefully bump and trip each other. Alice was especially dangerous as she was small enough to get underneath someone quickly without warning. Twice she sent me falling headlong towards a tree with sadistic glee. Our reflexes kept us from crashing into anything, though we had a backlog of near misses too long to calculate. The forest stayed as quiet as a graveyard as we laughed under our breaths. Soon we crossed the scent of a large herd of deer. The careless run turned into a dedicated hunt. 

When we finished we carefully burned the bodies, covering up our tiny massacre. To anyone else we must’ve looked like a normal group of teenagers enjoying a bonfire. Alice sat between Jasper’s outstretched legs as she watched the flames dance. Edward was on his left, arm around my shoulders. Today had been just another normal day for us, a supremely spectacular perfect normal day. I laid my head against his chest and soaked in the moment.

“So about this perfect, stainless wedding.” Alice smiled widely.

“Yes?” Edward answered.

“Well there are some things that need to be decided so I can get started.”

“Such as?” Edward’s indifferent tone was meant to annoy Alice and it worked perfectly.

“SUCH AS DATES AND TIMES AND THEMES AND GUESTS!” She exploded in exasperation. 

“Oh, did we not tell you Alice?” I said playing along with Edward. “We’ve decided to Elope. Just Me, Edward, and a Judge.” Her small face scrunched up and Jasper bent his knees creating a barrier between us.

“Liars.” She said after a minute. Edward and I laughed. “Seriously you guys, what am I planning here?” 

“Something small... and simple.” Edward stopped his teasing.

“And soon.” I added. 

“Yes, small and simple and soon.” Edward laughed.

“What are you guys, a poem? Stop alliterating. I need details.” She insisted. 

“What do you want Beau?” I shifted and looked up at Edward as he spoke. I had no idea what he wanted in a wedding and, having never been to one, had no frame of reference myself. I shrugged. 

“Let’s start with where.” Alice was persistent. I thought of the places Edward and I shared: Chicago, Chile, the meadow, the Cullen’s home. 

“Surprise us. Somewhere near the water.” Edward interrupted my thoughts. 

“When?” Alice was buzzing with excitement. 

“October tenth.” I beat Edward this time. 

“That’s less than a Month!” Alice whined.

“What? You can’t do it?” I teased. 

“I can do anything Beau Swan.” She smiled stubbornly. The fire died away as she continued the assault of questions. Jasper and I kicked dirt over the embers.

“Honestly Alice!” I said giving up. “You have total control. No questions asked. Do whatever you want!” 

“Excellent!” She said. I realized this permission is what she wanted all along. She took off into the trees and Jasper followed her. I turned to leave when Edward caught my hand.

“October tenth?” 

“Ten Ten.” 

“For luck?” He was more confused than before.

“Seemed easy to remember.” 

“You’re absurd.” Edward laughed. I knew as well as he did that we would be incapable of forgetting. 


	4. Complicated

We took our time running home, arriving just after dawn. The sky promised a cloudy wet day. I cleaned up slowly, trying to waste time. I moved all the hangers in our closet one way, and then the other. 

“I don’t think what you wear will matter.” Edward said from the couch. He was rereading the book of poetry I had quoted to Bella. He was so casually stretched out with his ankles crossed, wearing a soft grey buttoned shirt and jeans. His feet were clad in canvas oxfords. I tried to remember if I had ever seen him in regular tennis shoes. I hated to admit it, but he was right it didn’t matter. I grabbed a white long sleeve shirt with a retro Patagonia logo and slid it over my head. I grabbed my old Timberland boots and sat next to Edward as I laced them up. 

“I remember that shirt.” He was studying me with soft eyes, turning his ring around. I hadn’t worn this shirt since our summer trip. I moved closer and set his legs across my lap. He loved that trip, I wondered if he was planning more.

“Where else do you want to go?” 

“There aren’t very many places I haven’t been. It might be more fair to ask where you would like to travel.” 

“Anywhere with you sounds good to me.” 

“The whole world it is then.” Edward smiled and grabbed my hand kissing the knuckles. We sat on the couch as the minutes rolled by. I could hear Carlisle in the drawing room turning the pages of a book, Jasper curled up with Alice on the back porch swing, and Esme’s heels clicking on the marble kitchen floor. We all held a collective breath as we waited for a knock at the door.

  
  


We heard the familiar rumbling of her old truck at quarter past nine. With painful slowness it came down the road. She passed the turn off twice before finding the driveway. When she finally cut the engine I felt like my feet were in my throat. Everyone else stayed inside as I walked to the truck to meet her. She opened the door and threw her arms around me. I stood as still as possible until she let go. 

“Why don’t you hug me back?” She pouted.

“I have to be careful. I’m still not a hundred at knowing my strength. Wrapping my arms around you is too dangerous.” I gave her a half smile.

“Oh, well… where is everyone?” Her eyes searched behind me towards the house.

“Inside. I just wanted to meet you by myself first. Give you a minute.” 

“It is still weird. Seeing you like this, even knowing what I know.” She fiddled with the keys in her hands. She shook her head and looked at me. “Let’s do this.” 

We walked quietly to the door and I opened it for her. She stepped inside and gasped. I remembered the first time I had seen the Cullen house, Bella must be thinking about how grand and beautiful it was. She smiled at me and I winked back. Alice was the first to greet her. 

“Bella! You’re here!” She slid down the banister of the stairs and landed directly in front of us. Alice loved an entrance. She wrapped Bella in a hug and Bella laughed.

“Hi Alice.” 

“And you remember Jasper, from last year.” She motioned to him across the room. He nodded and kept his distance. He had gained more control over his appetites since I had met him but to Jasper any new person was a threat to be assessed before interacting with. 

Esme entered from the kitchen and hung on the periphery of the room. I motioned Bella to follow me towards her.

“This is Esme.” 

“Mrs. Cullen.” Bella held out her hand and Esme took it between both of hers. 

“Esme, please.” She smiled sweetly at Bella and released her hand. Carlisle joined her side a moment later and made an introduction of his own. I heard Edward shift in a chair on the back porch. 

“Let’s go outside.” I took her hand very delicately and led her to a large table where Edward was seated. 

“Edward.” She said curtly. 

“Bella.” He nodded back. I couldn’t understand what was making her behave this way towards him. I kissed Edward on the head and took the seat next to him. Esme set a crystal glass of lemonade on the table in front of Bella and returned inside. When did we get glasses? Bella wrapped her hands around the glass and leaned on the table. 

“I really don’t know what to say.” I sighed. 

“Me either.” Bella rubbed her face and then relaxed. “I never thought we’d be strangers.” 

“Oh please, we may be awkward but you can’t be strangers with someone you once shared a bath with.” 

“I guess that’s true.” She laughed. Alice came out of the house and frowned, displeased with the scene in front of her. 

“Let’s play a game!” She announced loudly. She grabbed Bella’s hand and soon they were in the large yard. “What do you want to play Bella?” 

“Oh, I’m really no good at anything with throwing or catching” Alice produced a soccer ball. “or kicking…” Bella looked at me with pleading eyes. 

“You sound like Beau!” Alice laughed. 

“How about you guys start and we will join later.” I took Bella back to the porch steps and sat her down. 

“Thank you.” She whispered and laughed. We watch Alice and Edward play one on one with imaginary goal lines. I knew they were playing slowly for Bella’s benefit. 

“So, is this the only way the Cullen’s know how to greet people? Family introductions and then play a game?” 

“I guess so.” I laughed at the parallels. “ I think they just want to appear normal.” 

“There is no way they will ever be normal, I mean look at you all, you’re unreal.” 

“How so?”

“This house, the way you move, the way you look…..” She trailed off. 

“You think I look like they do?”

“Well, not like you’re related or anything. But like, you could all be in the same A list movie.” I laughed at her comment. “See! Even your laugh is different, it’s like music.” 

“It’s still me Bells.” I shrugged and shook my head. We watched them play pretend soccer in silence for a few minutes.

“Beau?”

“Yeah.”

“Are you happy here?” Her voice had a hard edge to it. I couldn’t imagine why that question would make her angry.

“Yes.”

“Happier than before?” It wasn’t anger, it was hurt in her voice.

“This is the life I want to have. I’m happy in it….. Bella Look at me.” I paused until she looked over. “It doesn’t mean I don’t wish you could be a bigger part of it.”

“I’ll always wish there was another way.” 

“I know.” I wrapped my arm around her very lightly and she rested her head on my shoulder. 

“Alright benchwarmers. Enough chit chat.” Alice called. 

“Alice I don’t think…”

“Don’t worry Beau, it’s safe.” She tapped her head and then waved us over.

“Come on,” I stood and extended a hand to Bella to help her up. “She’s relentless, trust me.” 

We carefully included Bella in the game. Of course, Alice had called Bella for her team and in no time had taken the lead. As we played the tension of the visit unraveled. I wondered if this was the reason for the Cullen’s calculated first meeting ritual. Soon we found ourselves enjoying the game, even Bella seemed carefree as she poorly attempted to kick the ball. I glanced and saw Jasper watching from the kitchen window, the relaxed mood was his doing no doubt. I mouthed a thank you and he nodded. I let Bella steal the ball from me and pretended to chase her. 

“Oh you’ve done it now!” I yelled as she half ran away. She squealed as she watched me run up behind her. My pace was practically a crawl but she attempted to run faster. 

“Don’t worry Bella, I’ve got him!” Alice attempted to tackle me but Edward stopped her. Bella laughed and kept going.

“Oh just wait till I catch you.” I picked up my pace marginally and extended my arms as if to tickle her.

“Beau! NO!” She screamed through her laughter. She hated to be tickled. Before I could even touch her a growl ripped through the woods. 

Suddenly everything moved in nanoseconds. Edward crouched in front of me as I moved Bella behind me. An unfamiliar scent filled my nostrils.

“Shit.” Alice murmured. We all stared at the large red wolf that had lurched into the clearing. It was massive, the front shoulders were up to my chin at least. I had never seen anything like it. Jasper was next to Alice and Esme was on the porch behind Carlisle. Bella finished the blink and scream she was in the middle of. She looked around widely, and then at the wolf. 

“Jacob! Stop!” She yelled. The wolf lifted his head but didn’t move. Jacob? My mind raced through the information, the legends, the shapes I remembered seeing that night. I looked at the wolf.

_ Jacob? _

The wolf bristled but didn’t answer back. He looked at me and his eyes widened, like he was seeing me for the first time. He snapped his head towards Edward and growled moving forward. Edward snarled back and a fierce anger ripped through my body as I lunged at the wolf, ready to defend him. 

I felt my body being pulled back as the tips of my fingers grazed the wolf’s fur. Edward grabbed me and locked his hands in front of my chest, pinning my arms to my sides. I struggled to break free. 

“Stop, Beau, Stop.” He whispered.

“No.” I spit and fought harder. Edward spun me around so I was facing the house, looking away from the wolf. 

“Beau. Look at Bella.” I looked over at her terrified face. The anger released me and I began to relax. I turned my attention to Esme on the porch. She was clutching Carlisle by the wrist. 

_ It’s okay. It’s not your fault.  _

_ Esme… _

_ Relax Beau. It’s okay.  _

_ But he…. _

_ I know. He is angry with me.  _

_ What? _

_ You have to calm down, for Bella _

I looked back at Bella who was still frozen in place with fear. She didn’t look scared of the wolf, or of me, but nervous like she didn’t want us together. Something in my head clicked.

“How did you know… this, this whole time…. You guilted me. I spent months in hell because I was keeping secrets from you…. And the whole time, you knew… you knew everything…” 

“It wasn’t like that Beau.”

“LIKE HELL!” I pulled against Edward and he held me tighter.

“I kept his secrets, and I kept yours!” Her fear wore off into anger. We were never going to get anywhere arguing. I took a deep breath and Edward eventually let me go. I turned back to face the wolf. He was still in the offensive, ready to spring forward. 

“What’s your problem!?” He didn’t answer me. 

“We made a treaty not to hunt or harm humans.” Edward spoke at last. “He thinks I changed you.” 

He thought Edward changed me, which meant he broke the treaty, which means Jacob wanted to kill him? I thought of Esme’s words  _ ‘he’s angry with me’ _ . I imagined the wolf attempting to attack Esme like he was Edward. A new wave of anger washed over me.Why was he even here? I locked eyes with Bella.

“You.” I moved towards her. “Why did you bring him here!?” She backed away from me as I closed the distance between us. Edward grabbed my hand and pulled me backwards.

“I didn’t bring him here. I swear Beau. He must’ve followed me.” 

“Keep my secrets, did you? You promised.”

“I did Beau! I did!” 

“Is this why you’re so mad at Edward? You think he is responsible?” 

“Well isn’t he?! I know what happened. He wanted you, so he saw his opportunity and took you.” 

“You don’t know anything.” I said coldly. “He never touched me.” Jacob circled around and stood next to Bella. A lie formed in my mind quickly. Keeping my family safe was all I could think of.

“It was James. He attacked me before the Cullens could stop him. By the time they finished with him, it was too late. It had already started.” 

“Beau that’s not what you showed me.” I hadn’t actually showed her who had bitten me, and until now I wasn’t certain as to why. 

“I was trying to protect you,” More lies, I was trying to protect the Cullens. “But you want to see what happened. Fine!”

I looked into her eyes and showed her the fabricated memory. When James attacked this time, he succeeded. I showed him ripping, bitting. I made it as gruesome as I could imagine. Bella doubled over and held out her hand, telling me to stop. She looked green and I felt a small twinge of regret. I looked into the wolf’s, well Jacob’s, eyes and showed him the same thing.

_ See, no one broke the treaty. _

He looked to Edward at my side. He was still holding me back by my hand. His eyes locked with mine for one second more.

_ Liar. _

Jacob launched forward towards Edward. I turned my body to shield him and felt something rip through my left arm. Jasper was there in an instant. I heard the crack of bones as Jacob’s teeth released me. I fell to the ground in searing pain. 

“Beau!” Bella was at my side wringing her hands. The pain subsided as the venom healed my body. Everyone was staring down at me, I couldn’t speak. I looked around for Jacob but he was gone.

“I thought you guys couldn’t feel pain!” Bella yelled.

“You’re thinking about dying.” I said quietly and blinked hard. “We can’t die….Apparently we can feel pain.” I sat up and rolled my shoulders. I looked over to Jasper. “Did you hurt him?”

“Broken jaw maybe, he’ll live.” I nodded in response. My arm was only a throb now.

“Give me a minute with Bella.” Everyone dispersed hesitantly towards the house. Edward didn’t leave my side. I took his hand and stood up. His face was wrought with worry. 

“I’m not leaving you.” 

“Just wait by the steps okay?”

“Beau.”

“Please.” He resigned himself to the steps, never taking his eyes off us. Bella was still sitting on the ground, knees pulled up to her chest. I sat down across from her and let silence fill the space between us. 

“I’m sorry I got so angry. I have a hard time controlling my emotions.” She didn’t say anything and continued picking at the grass. “I take it back by the way.”

“Take what back?”

“When I told you I wished we were more like normal siblings. Fighting and stuff.” She smiled weakly at the memory. 

“You don’t know what it’s been like, keeping all these secrets.” She choked.

“I have a small idea.”

“Yeah, I guess you do.” She picked more grass and spun the blades in her fingers. 

“Don’t hate Edward.” Her eyes flickered up to mine for a moment.

“I blame him.” 

“He’s the only one who fought to keep me human.”

“What?” I had her attention at last.

“He never wanted me like this. Me changing was his worst possible fear. It was all a nightmare to him.” I knew Edward could hear us talking, I tried not to see his reaction. 

“You never told me.”

“And you tell me everything about you and Jacob?” My tone was sharp again.

“Beau what are we going to do?” She wept silently. 

“I don’t know.” I reached out and took her hand. “But I think, for now, you should go.” 

“Okay.” Her voice was only a whisper. I stood and helped her up. We walked past Edward up the steps and through the house. Every room was empty, as if they’d disappeared completely. Alice stood next to Bella’s truck.

“I’ll drive you home.” She said opening the door for Bella to climb in. Alice closed the door behind her and got into the driver’s side. I pushed my hands down into my pockets. Bella half waved as they rolled down the driveway. Edward strode to my side and put a hand on my back. 

“This was a mistake,” He looked down at me as I spoke. “It’s time to go.” 

He followed me as I walked back into the house. I didn’t stop but walked straight into Carlisle’s office. I turned and closed the door in Edward’s face, leaving him in the hallway. 

“I don’t know what to do.” Carlisle considered me carefully from his seat behind his desk. 

“Beau, none of us could’ve predicted….” 

“You did.. and so did Edward. You knew staying was a bad idea.” I began pacing. 

“I didn’t say bad. I said complicated.” 

“Complicated.” I scoffed. 

“It was always a delicate situation. You can’t blame yourself-“ 

“Stop! Why does everyone keep saying I can’t blame myself? Who made these choices? They’re my actions.” 

“In life there are actions and there are consequences.” He rose and walked around his desk. He leaned against it, crossing his arms, before continuing. “And then there causes. You don’t back a dog into a corner and then curse it when it bites you.” 

“When a dog bites someone, they put it down.” 

“Why do you want to punish yourself?” 

“What?” I stopped.

“Do you think if you blame someone you will feel better?” 

“Carlisle I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I balled my hands into fists and began pacing once more. 

“You can’t change the past.” 

“I don’t want to change it. I want to be here, with Edward.” 

“That’s not the past I’m talking about.” 

“Carlisle.” I didn’t want to hear this.

“I think you’re right about one thing. It’s time to leave, and I know exactly where you should go.” He said no more but dismissed me to pack. 

To my surprise Edward wasn’t waiting for me when I opened the door. I began to walk down the hall when Esme appeared at the top of the stairs.

“Beau?” I stopped but didn’t turn to face her. 

“Are you okay?” She continued when I didn’t answer. 

“No.” I said and continued into Edward’s room, shutting the door behind me. He was standing next to several packed bags, waiting for me. I couldn’t speak, I had too much to say and nothing I wanted to talk about. 

“I’ll meet you in the garage?” He asked softly. I nodded an agreeing response back. Edward picked up the bags and kissed my head as he passed by. Behind him on the couch my riding gear was neatly laid out. 


	5. The Lighthouse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We've got some original canon in this one. Out or respect I wanted to warn readers we do uncover Rosalie's backstory which is why this chapter comes with a warning. There is no more detail than the original works provide. 
> 
> WARNING: Violence, SA mentioned.

The water was rough and unrelenting as it crashed against the shore. It seemed endless, stretching and stretching and stretching. I picked up a handful of pebbles and tossed them carelessly into the bay. When they were gone I returned to studying the lighthouse. Painted soft white with contrasting red trim, it was smaller than I expected. There was no one but us for miles, just grass and trees. I climbed back up the hill and joined her at the top of the lighthouse. We sat with our legs dangling and chests pressed against the railing. 

“I still don’t know why I’m here, not that I mind being with you.”

“Edward said the water relaxes you.”

“I’m never relaxed around you Ro.” 

“I suppose I don’t make it very easy. I don’t mean to......well maybe I do a little.” She laughed at me.

“Why do I need to be relaxed? Are you going to yell at me?”

“Maybe later, Right now I want to tell you a story.”

“A story?” 

“Did Edward ever tell you what led to this?” she asked, gesturing to her glorious immortal body. I nodded slowly, suddenly somber. 

“He said it was close to what happened to me that time in Port Angeles, only no one was there to save you .” I shuddered at the memory.

“Is that really all he told you?” she asked.

“Yes,” I said, my voice blank with confusion. “Was there more?” She looked up at me and smiled; it was a harsh, bitter — but still stunning — expression.

“Yes,” she said. “There was more.”

I waited while she stared out at the water. She seemed to be trying to calm herself.

“I lived in a different world than you do, Beau. My human world was a much simpler place. It was nineteen thirty-three. I was eighteen, and I was beautiful. My life was perfect.” She stared out over the waves at the silver clouds, her expression far away.

“My parents were thoroughly middle class. My father had a stable job in a bank, something I realize now that he was smug about — he saw his prosperity as a reward for talent and hard work, rather than acknowledging the luck involved. I took it all for granted then; in my home, it was as if the Great Depression was only a troublesome rumor. Of course I saw the poor people, the ones who weren’t as lucky. My father left me with the impression that they’d brought their troubles on themselves.” The sun started sinking behind us as she spoke.

“It was my mother’s job to keep our house — and myself and my two younger brothers — in spotless order. It was clear that I was both her first priority and her favorite. I didn’t fully understand at the time, but I was always vaguely aware that my parents weren’t satisfied with what they had, even if it was so much more than most. They wanted more. They had social aspirations — social climbers, I suppose you could call them. My beauty was like a gift to them. They saw so much more potential in it than I did.” I leaned back and watched the sky crack open in beautiful colors.

“They weren’t satisfied, but I was. I was thrilled to be me, to be Rosalie Hale. Pleased that men’s eyes watched me everywhere I went, from the year I turned twelve. Delighted that my girlfriends sighed with envy when they touched my hair. Happy that my mother was proud of me and that my father liked to buy me pretty dresses.” She leaned back now too and we watched the sunset splash over us.

“I knew what I wanted out of life, and there didn’t seem to be any way that I wouldn’t get exactly what I wanted. I wanted to be loved, to be adored. I wanted to have a huge, flowery wedding, where everyone in town would watch me walk down the aisle on my father’s arm and think I was the most beautiful thing they’d ever seen. Admiration was like air to me, Beau. I was silly and shallow, but I was content.” She smiled, amused at her own evaluation.

“My parents’ influence had been such that I also wanted the material things of life. I wanted a big house with elegant furnishings that someone else would clean and a modern kitchen that someone else would cook in. As I said, shallow. Young and very shallow. And I didn’t see any reason why I wouldn’t get these things.” I did my best to picture Rosalie that way. I had never known her to let someone do something for her that she could accomplish herself.

“There were a few things I wanted that were more meaningful. One thing in particular. My very closest friend was a girl named Vera. She married young, just seventeen. She married a man my parents would never have considered for me — a carpenter. A year later she had a son, a beautiful little boy with dimples and curly black hair. It was the first time I’d ever felt truly jealous of anyone else in my entire life.” She looked at me with unfathomable eyes. 

“It was a different time. I was the same age as you, but I was ready for it all. I yearned for my own little baby. I wanted my own house and a husband who would kiss me when he got home from work — just like Vera. Only I had a very different kind of house in mind. . ..”

It was hard for me to imagine the world that Rosalie had known. Her story sounded more like a fairy tale than history to me. With a slight shock, I realized that this was very close to the world that Edward would have experienced when he was human, the world he had grown up in. I wondered — while Rosalie sat silent for a moment — if my world had seemed as baffling to him as Rosalie’s did to me? Rosalie sighed, and when she spoke again her voice was different, the wistfulness gone.

“In Rochester, there was one royal family — the Kings, ironically enough. Royce King owned the bank my father worked at, and nearly every other really profitable business in town. That’s how his son, Royce King the Second” — her mouth twisted around the name, it came out through her teeth — “saw me the first time. He was going to take over at the bank, and so he began overseeing the different positions. Two days later, my mother conveniently forgot to send my father’s lunch to work with him. I remember being confused when she insisted that I wear my white organza and roll my hair up just to run over to the  bank.” Rosalie laughed without humor.

“I didn’t notice Royce watching me particularly. Everyone watched me. But that night the first of the roses came. Every night of our courtship, he sent a bouquet of roses to me. My room was always overflowing with them. It got to the point that I would smell like roses when I left the house.”  _ I should send Esme some roses _ , My mind was incapable of staying on track. I shook the thought away and refocused. 

“Royce was handsome, too. He had lighter hair than I did, and pale blue eyes. He said my eyes were like violets, and then those started showing up alongside the roses. My parents approved — that’s putting it mildly. This was everything they’d dreamed of. And Royce seemed to be everything I’d dreamed of. The fairy tale prince, come to make me a princess. Everything I wanted, yet it was still no more than I expected. We were engaged before I’d known him for two months.” Her face and tone turned to stone and I felt her pushing herself far away as she continued.

“We didn’t spend a great deal of time alone with each other. Royce told me he had many responsibilities at work, and, when we were together, he liked people to look at us, to see me on his arm. I liked that, too. There were lots of parties, dancing, and pretty dresses. When you were a King, every door was open for you, every red carpet rolled out to greet you. It wasn’t a long engagement. Plans went ahead for the most lavish wedding. It was going to be everything I’d ever wanted. I was completely happy. When I called at Vera’s, I no longer felt jealous. I pictured my fair-haired children playing on the huge lawns of the Kings’ estate, and I pitied her.” 

Rosalie broke off suddenly, clenching her teeth together. It pulled me out of her story, and I realized that the horror was not far off. I wondered if this was why she had so much more bitterness in her than the rest of them — because she’d been within reach of everything she’d wanted when her human life was cut short.

“I was at Vera’s that night,” Rosalie whispered. Her face was smooth as marble, and as hard. “Her little Henry really was adorable, all smiles and dimples — he was just sitting up on his own. Vera walked me to the door as I was leaving, her baby in her arms and her husband at her side, his arm around her waist. He kissed her on the cheek when he thought I wasn’t looking. That bothered me. When Royce kissed me, it wasn’t quite the same — not so sweet somehow. . . . I shoved that thought aside. Royce was my prince. Someday, I would be queen.” It was hard to tell in the dimming sunlight, but it looked like her bone white face got paler.

“It was dark in the streets, the lamps already on. I hadn’t realized how late it was.” She continued to whisper almost inaudibly. “It was cold, too. Very cold for late April. The wedding was only a week away, and I was worrying about the weather as I hurried home — I can remember that clearly. I remember every detail about that night. I clung to it so hard . . . in the beginning. I thought of nothing else. And so I remember this, when so many pleasant memories have faded away completely. . . .”

She sighed, and began whispering again. “Yes, I was worrying about the weather. . . . I didn’t want to have to move the wedding indoors. . . .I was a few streets from my house when I heard them. A cluster of men under a broken street lamp, laughing too loud. Drunk. I wished I’d called my father to escort me home, but the way was so short, it seemed silly. And then he called my name. ‘Rose!’ he yelled, and the others laughed stupidly.” Her voice was pure ice as she continued.

“I hadn’t realized the drunks were so well dressed. It was Royce and some of his friends, sons of other rich men. ‘Here’s my Rose!’ Royce shouted, laughing with them, sounding just as stupid. ‘You’re late. We’re cold, you’ve kept us waiting so long.’” She paused, deep in the memory. I reached out my hand and touched the backs of our knuckles together ever so lightly. She bristled and then blinked. 

“I’d never seen him drink before. A toast, now and then, at a party. He’d told me he didn’t like  champagne. I hadn’t realized that he preferred something much stronger. He had a new friend — the friend of a friend, come up from Atlanta.”

“‘What did I tell you, John,’ Royce crowed, grabbing my arm and pulling me closer. ‘Isn’t she lovelier than all your Georgia peaches?’ The man named John was dark-haired and suntanned. He looked me over like I was a horse he was buying.” 

“‘It’s hard to tell,’ he drawled slowly. ‘She’s all covered up.’ They laughed, Royce like the rest.  Suddenly, Royce ripped my jacket from my shoulders — it was a gift from him — popping the brass buttons off. They scattered all over the street.” 

“‘Show him what you look like, Rose!’ He laughed again and then he tore my hat out of my hair. The pins wrenched my hair from the roots, and I cried out in pain. They seemed to enjoy that — the sound of my pain. . . .” Rosalie rolled her head and locked eyes with me. Our faces were washed in pink and orange, it was beautiful. The contrast cut me to the core. 

“I won’t make you listen to the rest,” she said quietly. “They left me in the street, still laughing as they stumbled away. They thought I was dead. They were teasing Royce that he would have to find a new bride. He laughed and said he’d have to learn some patience first.” 

“I waited in the road to die. It was cold, though there was so much pain that I was surprised it bothered me. It started to snow, and I wondered why I wasn’t dying. I was impatient for death to come, to end the pain. It was taking so long. . . .” I remembered the motorcycle accident and knew exactly what she meant.

“Carlisle found me then. He’d smelled the blood, and come to investigate. I remember being vaguely irritated as he worked over me, trying to save my life. I’d never liked Dr. Cullen or his wife and her brother — as Edward pretended to be then. It had upset me that they were all more beautiful than I was, especially that the men were. But they didn’t mingle in society, so I’d only seen them once or twice. I thought I’d died when he pulled me from the ground and ran with me — because of the speed — it felt like I was flying. I remembered being horrified that the pain didn’t stop. . . .” I gently and slowly held my hand out to her. She took it and continued. 

“Then I was in a bright room, and it was warm. I was slipping away, and I was grateful as the pain began to dull. But suddenly something sharp was cutting me, my throat, my wrists, my ankles. I screamed in shock, thinking he’d brought me there to hurt me more. Then fire started burning through me, and I didn’t care about anything else. I begged him to kill me. When Esme and Edward returned home, I begged them to kill me, too. Carlisle sat with me. He held my hand and said that he was so sorry, promising that it would end. He told me everything, and sometimes I listened. He told me what he was, what I was becoming. I didn’t believe him. He apologized each time I screamed.” She had been awake? I remembered nothing.

“Edward wasn’t happy. I remember hearing them discuss me. I stopped screaming sometimes. It did no good to scream. ‘What were you thinking, Carlisle?’ Edward said. ‘Rosalie Hale?’” Rosalie imitated Edward’s irritated tone to perfection.

“I didn’t like the way he said my name, like there was something wrong with me. ‘I couldn’t just let her die,’ Carlisle said quietly. ‘It was too much — too horrible, too much waste.’”

“‘I know,’ Edward said, and I thought he sounded dismissive. It angered me. I didn’t know then that he really could see exactly what Carlisle had seen.

“‘It was too much waste. I couldn’t leave her,’ Carlisle repeated in a whisper.

“‘Of course you couldn’t,’ Esme agreed.

“‘People die all the time,’ Edward reminded him in a hard voice. ‘Don’t you think she’s just a little recognizable, though? The Kings will have to put up a huge search — not that anyone suspects the fiend,’ he growled.” I felt myself inside the room with her.

“It pleased me that they seemed to know that Royce was guilty. I didn’t realize that it was almost over — that I was getting stronger and that was why I was able to concentrate on what they were saying. The pain was beginning to fade from my fingertips.”

“‘What are we going to do with her?’ Edward said disgustedly — or that’s how it sounded to me, at least. Carlisle sighed. ‘That’s up to her, of course. She may want to go her own way.’  I’d believed enough of what he’d told me that his words terrified me. I knew that my life was ended, and there was no going back for me. I couldn’t stand the thought of being alone. . . .  The pain finally ended and they explained to me again what I was. This time I believed. I felt the thirst, my hard skin; I saw my brilliant red eyes.” She smiled as she said this.

“Shallow as I was, I felt better when I saw my reflection in the mirror the first time. Despite the eyes, I was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen.” She laughed at herself for a moment. “It took some time before I began to blame the beauty for what had happened to me — for me to see the curse of it. To wish that I had been . . . well, not ugly, but normal. Like Vera. So I could have been allowed to marry someone who loved me, and have pretty babies. That’s what I’d really wanted, all along. It still doesn’t seem like too much to have asked for.”  She was thoughtful for a moment, and I wondered if she’d forgotten my presence again. But then she smiled at me, her expression suddenly triumphant.

“You know, my record is almost as clean as Carlisle’s,” she told me. “Better than Esme. A thousand times better than Edward. I’ve never tasted human blood,” she announced proudly.  She understood my puzzled expression as I wondered why her record was only almost as clean.

“I did murder five humans,” she told me in a complacent tone. “If you can really call them human . But I was very careful not to spill their blood — I knew I wouldn’t be able to resist that, and I didn’t want any part of them in me, you see.” I tried not to feel so happy that she had taken their lives. 

“I saved Royce for last. I hoped that he would hear of his friends’ deaths and understand, know what was coming for him. I hoped the fear would make the end worse for him. I think it worked. He was hiding inside a windowless room behind a door as thick as a bank vault’s, guarded outside by armed men, when I caught up with him. Oops — seven murders,” she corrected herself. “I forgot about his guards. They only took a second.”

“I was overly theatrical. It was kind of childish, really. I wore a wedding dress I’d stolen for the occasion. He screamed when he saw me. He screamed a lot that night. Saving him for last was a good idea — it made it easier for me to control myself, to make it slower —”  She broke off suddenly, and she glanced over at me. 

“I’m sorry,” she said in a chagrined voice. “I’m frightening you, aren’t I?”

“No.” 

“I got carried away.”

“Really Rosalie, it’s fine.”

“After I finished with Royce I thought that I would feel better, and I did for a while. But when you’re like this.” She gestured between us. “You don’t forget things, those memories stay with you, stay vivid. You know that I saved Emmett from a bear that was mauling him, and carried him home to Carlisle. But can you guess why I stopped the bear from eating him?” I shook my head.

“With the dark curls . . . the dimples that showed even while he was grimacing in pain . . . the strange innocence that seemed so out of place on a grown man’s face . . . he reminded me of Vera’s little Henry. It was the first time I thought back on my human life with any fondness, remembering that little boy. I didn’t want Emmett to die — so much that I was selfish enough to ask Carlisle to change him for me.”

“It was selfish to save his life?”

“Not everyone wants to be this way Beau. There are prices we all pay, in our own way.”

“And you didn’t want Emmett to resent you? For making him pay them.” 

She nodded and continued. “But I got luckier than I deserved. Emmett is everything I would have asked for if I’d known myself well enough to know what to ask for. He’s exactly the kind of person someone like me needs. And, oddly enough, he needs me, too. That part worked out better than I could have hoped. For a while I thought having all my dreams come true… well almost all my dreams… would fix everything.” 

“What do you mean almost?”

“I love Emmett so dearly, but there will never be more than the two of us. And I’ll never sit on a porch somewhere, with him gray-haired by my side, surrounded by our grandchildren. Still, we have so much happiness. I’m surprised Edward didn’t tell you more about it.”

“He doesn’t like to tell other people’s stories — he feels like he’s betraying confidences, because he hears so much more than just the parts they mean for him to hear.”

She smiled and shook her head. “I probably ought to give him more credit. He’s really quite decent, isn’t he?”

“I think so.”

“I can tell.” Then she sighed. “Do you know why I’m telling you this Beau?”

“No.” 

“I thought revenge would make me feel better.... And it did.” She half smiled. “But what happened to me... It didn’t change that. Didn’t erase it. And it changed who I am.”

“Do you think you’ll ever change back?” She looked at me, confused by the question.

“No. And you won't either.” 

“I don’t know what you mean.” I lied. 

“Don’t lie, Pain recognizes pain.” She squeezed my hand. “I know you spend every day in survival mode, you don’t do that unless you’ve had to learn to.” It was dark now. 

“It’s just how I am, no one taught me any different.” I tried to brush her off. 

“Cut the crap Beau. You learned to take care of yourself because no one else ever did it for you. Your whole life you’ve lived by just surviving the day in front of you. Well it’s not that way anymore, and you’ve got to learn how to live beyond surviving.” 

“How do you do that?” 

“No one can teach you how to swim Beau.” She whispered. “But you have a whole family willing to be your life jacket.” I sat up and watched the moonlight roll across the waves as they danced. The water was black and cold. 

“I used to think because everything changed, because I changed, that all of these feelings were behind me. I have moments of pure happiness. I feel completely carefree and the next moment I feel so empty...” I felt myself relenting to the vulnerability of the moment as the words poured out my mouth. 

“Intense emotions are part of being a newborn. They will subside over time.” 

“And the other stuff….Will it subside?” 

“It goes away...and sneaks back in again. I used to feel so guilty, for having Emmett and our perfect little slice of heaven, and still struggling with what happened. I put up walls, refusing to let anyone in, not caring who I hurt as long as I felt safe.” I wondered if that was why Edward was sometimes cold with Rosalie, if she had hurt him. She interrupted my thoughts and kept going. 

“But there’s an opposite side to that kind of defense. Where someone tries to protect those around them from pain with so much force that they forget to take care of themselves altogether. They absorb all the hurt and don’t let anyone help them. They are so used to the pain, that pain becomes their baseline for living, they forget life isn’t supposed to be that hard. Does that sound familiar?” 

“What do you want from me Ro?” 

“I want you to realize you’re safe. And that you’re loved.” 

“I know that.” 

“There’s a difference between knowing you have a parachute and believing it will save you. You wait everyday for something to go wrong.” 

“That’s because something always does.” 

“When you look that hard for problems, you’ll always find them. And when you do find them, you absorb them, and you try to right them, and you spend every day saving every other person but yourself. It’s got to stop, you’ve got to care about you for once.” 

“What?” My words were barely whispers. 

“You want to save someone? Save yourself.” 

“I'm not sure I deserve to be saved.” I confessed. 

“Why?”

“Don’t I owe the universe or something? I made so many decisions that hurt so many people and I got everything I ever wanted.”

“Is that what this is about? Penance?” She laughed.

“Hey! I’ve had to make up for my existence since the day I was born.” I felt myself explode and stood up. “I didn’t work this hard to end up exactly like my mom, making choices without ever paying the consequences.”

“Do you really believe that?”

“I don’t know.” I grabbed the railing for support.

“Well, if you do then you really are an idiot.” She wrapped her arms around me and pulled me into a hug. I had never been this close to Rosalie. 

“Beau, you’ve given more and paid more than anyone ought to. And you did it with no regard for yourself. Getting everything you’ve ever wanted seems like just reward.” 

“I don’t deserve it.” 

“You do. I’m sorry I ever told you differently. I used to be so angry with you, for giving up so many things I desperately want, for choosing this life. Now I can’t imagine it without you.” 

“Really?”

“I promise… even when I don’t act like it. Do me a favor Beau, Start being kind to yourself. Start trusting that you ARE loved and you ARE safe.” 

“You make it sound simple.” 

“It will be, in time. You just have to give up the control, be willing to know that life might hurt you, but knowing it’ll be okay if it does.” 

“How much time did it take you? To give up the control?” 

“I’m still working on it.” She said softly. I don’t know how long we sat there, saying nothing, holding one another on top of the lighthouse. The clouds started thinning and stars appeared above us. 

“There’s so many stars here.” 

“Someday I’ll take you even farther north, where there is absolutely no light pollution. You’d be amazed what you can see.” She broke our hug and jumped off the lighthouse, landing on the ground below without a sound. She waved me over to the car. It was her newest project and still in rough shape. After a little work we got the convertible top down and climbed in.

With seemingly no direction in mind Rosalie turned down the backroads away from Antigonish. Edward and I arrived three days ago but hadn’t done much exploring outside of town. I could see now it was mostly countryside and small groupings of houses. She turned south, away from the water and shifted gears. I closed my eyes and let the feeling of cool rushing air take over my senses. 

Eventually we drove back to the small house that Emmett and Rosalie had bought for their stay. They were in the process of remodeling and bringing the house back to life. On the outside they hadn’t done much except paint the wide plank siding white and put up a pristine picket fence wrapping around the tiny yard. Inside was where they had done the real work. They replaced the old linoleum with soft pine floors and Emmett had handmade wooden trim for every window, door, and baseboard. He was in the garage turning new spindles for the stair banister when we pulled up. She cut the engine on the Lincoln and paused before opening the door.

“You know Beau, there’s nothing wrong with letting someone help you when you can’t do it alone... life jackets… remember?” I nodded and we got out of the car and headed inside. 

“Hello gorgeous gal.” Emmett blew Rosalie a kiss and she blew one back. Edward was sitting in a wingback chair by the window waiting for us. 

“I was beginning to think you weren’t going to bring him back.” 

“Edward, if I was going to dispose of anyone… it would most certainly be you.” She knocked his feet off the coffee table as she walked past. He scowled after her and then turned his attention back to me.

“What’s wrong?” His brow crinkled with concern. I crawled into his lap and let him hold me. “Beau, you’re starting to worry me.” 

“I love you Edward.” He pulled me into his chest and held on tightly. 

“I love you too.” I couldn’t shed tears but I felt myself crying. Edward held me tighter and waited for it to stop. 


	6. Antigonish

The next morning Rosalie convinced Edward to join her at the university for a guest lecture series. It would be six uninterrupted hours about Gaelic tradition and cultural influence in Nova Scotia. 

“Are you sure you’ll be okay?” Edward asked for the thousandth time. 

“Yes. Go.” He wasn’t convinced.

“I’ll stay.”

“Eddie boy even if you stay I’ve already called serious dibs on Beau. Go to your lecture.” Emmett called from the upstairs bedroom. He emerged on the stairs a moment later in coveralls and giant waders. 

“Emmett’s right. We have a whole day planned.” Edward looked over my shoulder at Emmett and then back at me.

_ Are you sure? Last night- _

_ Edward, I’m positive.  _

_ You won’t even talk to me about it. _

_ I will tonight, when you come home. _

_ Promise? _

_ Promise. I don’t mean to shut you out, I just have to think. _

_ Okay. _

“Stop brain chatting and get out of here.” Emmett grabbed my arm and pulled me towards the staircase. “Come on Little B, you need to change.” 

I waved to Edward before I was dragged out of site. I heard him and Rosalie leave as I dressed. The coveralls were dark blue and had little patches on the left chest which read our names. I had no idea when he had the time to have them made. The waders squeaked as I walked out from the guest room, looking like a miniature Emmett.

“Damn handsome If I do say so.” He pushed a knit cap over his wild curls and threw me a baseball cap. It was royal blue with a gold X stitched in the center. I recognized the logo from Rosalie’s university lanyard. I broke the bill between my hands and put it on backwards. 

We drove out to the marina in Emmett’s jeep. I hadn’t been inside his car since the night of the baseball game. I remembered Esme and I riding in the backseat. 

“Where are Esme and Carlisle?”

“Traveling I think.” He answered too quickly, as if he was lying.

“You’re a bad liar.”

“God don’t I know it.” He laughed. “I promised Rose I wouldn’t say.” 

“Oh. Okay.” I didn’t want to make him break a promise to Rosalie. 

“Why?” He looked at me sideways.

“I want to send Esme something.”

“Send it to our cousins in Alaska, Tanya’ll make sure they get it.” I wondered why he couldn’t just tell me. He rolled down the windows and turned up the radio. We sang along to the Eagles, Bob Seger, and CCR as we wound through the town. 

“What makes you like Rock and Roll so much?”

“What makes you like Rat Pack music so much?”

“Can you keep a secret?”

“Not on my life.”

“What I really love is 90s and Alt music. Sublime, Blink 182, MCR, but Edward hates it. Calls it noise. Rat Pack music is what we agree on.”

“Seriously?” Emmett laughed.

“Now you never answered me, what is it with you and rock?”

“I feel it.” Emmett shrugged with no more explanation. He put the Jeep in park and we walked towards the Marina. Other fishermen and charters waved to Emmett as we passed. He introduced me to several as his baby brother, emphasizing baby. Next to him I did look rather small, but so did everyone. I tried to find his boat in the maze, but all of them looked the same to me. 

“Here she is, The Rose.” He said at last pointing to an older model boat painted turquoise and white. “Rosalie fixed her up for me, she’s an old Aquarius.” He explained the specs to me as if I understood. I nodded along. 

Soon we were out into the bay heading north. The boat wasn’t built for ultimate speed but still ran well. Emmett looked completely content as he steered and scanned the horizon. When he was at last happy with our spot he unpacked angling gear and tackle. He flipped open two metal lawn chairs and we sat facing the water, holding the massive poles.

“Now what?” Despite Charlie’s many attempts I had never been fishing. 

“This is it.” Emmett leaned back and crossed his ankles. 

“So you come out and do this everyday while Rosalie goes to class?” 

“Yep. She’s a sucker, huh?” 

“What do you mean?’

“Books and desks and work. Over this? No chance.”

“So you don’t go to college like everyone else?” 

“I do sometimes, mostly trade schools. Went to culinary school once, that was a good joke.” He laughed.

“Edward makes it sound like you all have to go.”

“Well most of the family prefers it. Got a lot of time on our hands, and Carlisle promotes knowledge as the highest pursuit.”

“And you? What do you promote?”

“The moment.” He said wistfully. 

“But you have an endless supply of moments, doesn’t it get boring to do nothing.” I gestured to the pole in my hand.

“This isn’t nothing Beau. Before I was a Cullen I spent nearly everyday hunting, trapping, and fishing just to put food on the table for my family. To me this is what living is.” 

“You’ve never told me about your life before the Cullens.”

“I haven’t?” I shook my head no and he continued. “I grew up in Tennessee, near the smoky mountains. Our house had three rooms and no running water, no electricity, but to a little barefoot boy it seemed like we lived in heaven up there in the woods. My mama used to tell us when the fog lifted up off the mountains, we were making the clouds for the whole world. To say we were poor was an understatement. Daddy took farm jobs in the summer for money and we lived off those pennies all winter. Can you imagine that? Feeding six kids for the whole year on five months of work? I don’t know how they did it. Despite my mama’s prayers I grew up rowdy.”

“Not you.” I said sarcastically and he laughed.

“Believe it or not Beau Swan. I ran around, chased girls, drank a little too much mash whiskey. I wasn’t the kind of man Rosalie Hale would ever marry, that’s for sure. My redeeming quality was that I was one hell of a shot. Which kept me busy and helped supplement the little food our money could buy. One day I took my younger brothers hunting with me. They had terrible aim and instincts, but the only way to learn is to practice. I remembered Mattie slipped down a ridge and I was trying to help him climb back up when I heard it. If I could bag a bear, it would feed us for a long time. I could tell they were scared so I pushed them down the hill into a creek.” He paused and checked his line. With a deep sigh he started his story again.

“The last thing I said was ‘run the river home’. I don’t think that’s what I meant to say, but it was what came out. When I turned around there wasn’t any time to grab my gun, I thought it was farther away and I cursed them for distracting me. It was less of a fight than I would like to admit. And then it stopped and I saw an angel standing above me, so beautiful.” I knew instantly he was talking about Rosalie. There was a tug at my pole and I panicked. 

“What do I do!?” I was exhilarated and nervous at the same time. 

“Reel ‘er in!” Emmett jumped to his feet and grabbed a large hook. I turned the handle he pointed to. “That’s it Beau.” After a moment a large silver fish appeared at the water’s surface. Emmett speared it under the collar and brought it on board. 

“It’s a nice one. Come here and hold it.” I grabbed the fish by the tail and held it up at face height. Its face fell almost all the way to my calf. 

“Here grab it underneath too, it’s supposed to be heavy to the normal person.” I scooped one hand under its jaw and displayed it in an awkward crouch. “Smile!” I followed orders and let Emmett take the picture. He set the camera carefully on some crates and ran to my side. He shot a double thumbs up as the camera flashed. 

“What do we do with it?” 

“We’ll take it in and sell it.”

“We don’t eat it?”

“Trust me Beau, you don’t want anything cold blooded going anywhere near your throat.” He made a disgusted face and placed a heaping mound of ice over the fish. We sat back down and he helped me recast. 

“So after Rosalie rescued you, did you struggle with becoming…. You know…” 

“Sort of, I never let much bother me for too long. Can’t enjoy the new moment if you’re stuck in a past one. The Cullens are a very easy family to love and one I’m proud to be a part of. I think Rosalie was a big part of it too, being with someone so wonderful, and caring, and kind….”

“Are you talking about our Rosalie? The Rosalie who once set Edward’s car on fire?” 

“That’s my wife buddy!” He hit me playfully and I laughed. “She makes every day worth living.”

“I feel that way about Edward.”

“Our Edward? The moody, brooding, self loathing guy?” He mocked me. 

“That’s the one.” We laughed together. I hadn’t realized how similar Emmett and I were, in spite of all our differences. We spent the rest of the afternoon shooting the breeze before heading back to the marina with our one fish. Emmett sold it quickly and my big catch was put in a crate headed back to the US. We drove home in a comfortable silence. 

After a quick shower Emmett went back to work on the stair spindles. I took a shower too and dressed in jeans and a hoodie. I returned to the small living room and started a fire in the hearth. Their house was the opposite of the mansion in Forks. The walls were a soft wheat color with flowing blue curtains on all the windows. There were built in bookcases with glass doors on either side of the wooden fireplace. The couches and chairs were all rich colored velvet with rolling backs and wooden legs. In every room was at least one stained glass lamp and in the kitchen there was a Tiffany chandelier hanging over the table. The whole thing looked like a snapshot in time. 

“You think you could help me with something?” Emmett had come in from the garage without me noticing. 

“What’s up?” 

“I wanted to get these things set before she gets home tonight but I forgot to pick up the Newel post. It’s at an antique shop outside town, could you swing by and get it for me?” 

“Sure.” He gave me turn by turn directions and I set out in the SUV. Edward had driven it up here with all our bags and I had followed on my bike. I found myself enjoying the mundane task as I followed the winding roads. Soon the directions had run out and I was rolling up a long driveway towards a farmhouse. A woman stood in the driveway waving me in as three dogs raced around her legs. I got out of the car and saw the pack leader bristle. 

_ Friend, safe, good boy!  _ He quickly calmed down and his tail waved rapidly behind him. 

“You must be the baby brother. Emmett called and said you were coming. I’m Mary.” She was an older woman, fifties maybe with wild graying hair. We walked towards her fading red barn. To call the place an ‘antique shop’ was an oversell. She swung open the door and started climbing through the packed pathways. 

“What is all this?” 

“Just a collection. I get lots of things from old houses, some from auctions or junkyards. It ends up here until somebody with enough brains comes to rescue it. Your brother came to me looking for a mantel and ended up buying more than that Jeep of his could fit.” 

“Sounds like Emmett.” We were almost to the back of the barn before she found the post. She worked to uncover it when something caught my eye.

“Is that a pottery wheel?” 

“Hmm?” She followed my finger across the aisle. “Oh yeah, pulled that out of an old high school down by Halifax when they were renovating. They’ve got an electric one in there now. That one’s an old foot pedal.” She finished digging out the post and handed it to me. I never took my eyes off the wheel.

“I’ll make you a deal on it. Family pricing.”

“Family pricing?”

“Emmett’s spent enough to put my kid through a semester of school. That’s family status around here.” She laughed. I didn’t really need a potter’s wheel, I hadn’t even spun since eighth grade art class and that had been a disaster. 

“I’ll take it.” I said channeling as much of Emmett’s In-the-moment spirit as I could. My voice of reason soon reminded me that it wasn’t possible. “Oh wait, I don’t think it will fit in the car.” 

“I’ll have my husband bring it down tomorrow, he’s got errands in town anyways.” 

“Really? I don’t want to be a bother.” 

“Nothing bothers me about a sale.” She said with a broad smile. I followed her back out of the barn with the newel post in hand. The dogs met us at the door and began their relentless begging for love. When the post had been secured I closed the hatch and gave into the six pitiful eyes before me. My face and hands were quickly covered in kisses. I waved goodbye as I rolled away, Mary waved back. 

I arrived home in less time than the trip out and we got the newel post in place quickly. We attached the banister to the wall and then the post. The last spindle went in as the door clicked open. 

“Surprise!” Emmett had jumped up, like we had finished hours ago. I remained sitting on the bottom step. 

“Oh Em! It looks great.”

“I didn’t know if you wanted to paint it or stain it or what.” He wrapped his arm around her shoulders. “I was thinking stain it to match the casings. He pointed to the windows. 

“Sounds perfect. You hungry?” 

“Starving.” 

“Let’s Go get some dinner.” They were talking so normally you’d think they were going to grab take out. 

“Want to join us?” Emmett looked between Edward and I. 

“We’ll catch up later.” I answered for the both of us. Rosalie grabbed Emmett’s hand and they headed out the back door.

“How was your lecture?”

“Enlightening.” Edward sat next to me on the step and grabbed my hand “How was your day with Emmett?” 

“I’m gonna say enlightening as well.” I laughed. 

“How so?” 

“Well, I learned how to fish, I even caught one by the way.” 

“You?” His tone was clouded in disbelief.

“Oh yeah. I have the picture to prove it. And I helped put this thing together,” I pointed up the stairs. 

“Sounds productive.” 

“It was. Maybe someday I’ll build a staircase for you.” I bumped his shoulder and he bumped back. I could tell we weren’t talking about what he hoped we would. I took a deep breath. 

“Edward?” 

“Yes?” He looked up expectantly, with big sad eyes. 

“I love you. And I’m sorry.” 

“Sorry for what?” 

“For not knowing how to be a Cullen.” 

“I’m not sure I follow you.” 

“When I transformed, I put all of the old Beau in a tiny little box up on the shelf. I thought I couldn’t be him and fit in with all of you.”

“Beau-“ I held up a hand.

“Let me finish. What’s more than that I thought I could put all the parts of me I didn’t like in that box too, and that they would go away. And they didn’t. These past months I’ve spent every day trying to make up for my shortcomings. For not being enough.”

“You’re my everything. How could you not be enough?” Edward was solemn. I touched his face and turned it towards me. 

“I’m trying to tell you that I want to believe that. I want so desperately to see what you see when you look at me. I’m working on it. I’m trying to find a way to be happy.” 

“You haven’t been happy?” He seemed frightened by the idea. 

“Not with myself. But I’m working on it.” 

“Is this what you talked about? With Rosalie?” 

“Among other things.” 

“What other things?” I hesitated to answer and he pulled his hand away. He rubbed his face roughly and stood. “Beau I’m trying to understand, please tell me.” 

“I want to be with you Edward. I want to be with you more than I’ve wanted anything in my whole life. Since the day in the meadow my life has had no other direction…” 

“But…” Edward was frozen, angry. 

“But I’ve got to fix myself.” A weight I couldn’t place lifted off of me. I thought back to Emmett's story, how the words weren't quite right but the sentiment stood. This was my confession and I was unbound by speaking it.

“I’ll let the others know, we can call of the engagement. Carlisle will understand but Esme-“ 

“What are you talking about?!” Edward had changed direction so fast I couldn’t keep up.

“You're leaving right? That’s what this whole conversation is about. ‘It’s not you, it’s me’. And you’re going and this is you asking me for permission.” 

“I’m not leaving you Edward.” How could he even think that?

“You’re not?” 

“No… I wasn’t asking to leave, I was asking for help.” Edward fell to his knees in front of me. 

“Oh thank God Beau. I was panicking.” I reached out and took him in my arms. He curled between my legs and nuzzled into my chest. “I don’t know what I would do if…” He couldn’t finish the sentence. 

“I’m not going anywhere. You can’t get rid of me that easily.” I kissed his head and stroked his hair. It wasn’t often that I was Edward’s comforter. 

“Do you really want my help Beau?” 

“I want it and I need it.” 

“You know I’ll do anything for you.”

“I know.”

“For what it’s worth Beau, I don’t think you’re broken.” I kissed his head again. 

“Of course  _ you _ don’t.” I laughed. We sat, Edward curled up in my lap, and listened to the crackling fire. When it started to die out I noticed how much my throat was burning. 

“Edward?”

“Hmm?”

“Can we go eat now?” I felt him shift and hold on to me tighter. I could tell he wasn’t ready to leave the moment. 

“Are you hungry?”

“Painfully.” He reluctantly got up and extended a hand to me. I took it and followed him out the back door. The house back right up to a large wooded area that eventually extended all the way out to the water. 

We took off together, still holding hands. I caught the scent of a small gathering of white tailed deer and broke off from him. After we finished we laid on the forest floor, cheeks touching, bodies in opposite directions. 

“How long will we stay here?” I asked softly. 

“How long do you want to stay?”

“Forever.” I tilted my head slightly and kissed his cheekbone. “Though I don’t think Ro would let us stay that long.”

“No, I don’t imagine she would.” Edward chuckled. “I think for right now, we should take it day by day.” We laid there as the sun rose overhead of us. I looked over at Edward, eyes closed, mouth in a small smile. Emmett was right about the moment, it was worth savoring. 

“So Beau, what do you want to do today?”

“I’m not sure. Emmett might have something planned.”

“Building more stairs perhaps.” Edward teased. I wouldn’t put it past Emmett to build another floor just to make more stairs, thought that might mean another trip back to the chaos barn. 

“The barn!” I shot straight up and jumped to my feet. 

“What?” Edward was on his feet too.

“My wheel! I totally forgot! Come on!” I took off into the woods towards the house. Edward followed dutifully, not knowing what was happening. We reached the house seconds before a truck pulled into the driveway. Emmett appeared from the garage to greet the visitor.

“Joe! Good to see you. What brings you over here?” Emmett clasped hands with the older gentleman. I rushed through the house and came out the front door.

“Just dropping off this wheel for your baby brother.” 

“That would be me.” I walked coolly down the steps on the front porch and extended a hand to Joe. “It’s nice to meet you.”

“Likewise.” Joe smiled warmly. 

“Edward,” I turned and called towards the house. “Will you come help me a minute?” Edward arrived a moment later. He had changed clothes and looked effortlessly handsome. Joe extended a welcoming hand to him as well. 

“Another brother?” He asked Emmett. 

“Actually Edward is my fiance.” It felt oddly satisfying to tell someone outside the family. I didn’t imagine it would matter to me at all. I saw Edward smile as I said the words. 

“Well congratulations boys.” He said with another kind smile. Edward and I unloaded the pottery wheel awkwardly. I still hadn’t managed to learn how to pretend things were heavy. Luckily Emmett distracted Joe in his wood shop. Soon the Wheel was set on the side porch attached to the garage and Joe was on his way.

“Say hi to that wife of yours for me, will ya?” Joe called out his truck window and Emmett nodded while he waved goodbye. Emmett walked back to the side porch and put a hand on each of our shoulders.

“So, what the hell is it?” 

“A pottery wheel. You throw clay on it and the wheel turns and you shape the clay to make pottery and stuff.” 

“So this is what you’re going to do now?” Emmett asked and I knew he was teasing me about our conversation yesterday.

“Maybe, I’m just living for the moment.”

“Good boy.” He slapped my back hard and laughed before returning to his woodworking. 

“You know, next time you scream ‘the wheel’ and run off into the trees I’m not going to follow you.” Edward turned the top plate lazily.

“Yes you will. You love my surprises.” 

“You are so full of them.” He smiled. “So, back to our earlier discussion. What do you want to do today?”

“Well first I want to change clothes and then…” I shrugged. 

“Okay. Go change. I’ll wait.” 

“You don’t want to come help me?” His eyes flickered up from his hand on the wheel with a dark look.

“Maybe in a few more weeks.” 

I grabbed my hoodie by the back of the collar and pulled it forward over my head. I threw it towards Edward’s face, but he caught it midair. 

“Your loss.” I whispered as I walked inside. Upstairs I rummaged through all the bags looking for something to wear. Everything was hand picked by Alice from a line of expensive designers. I was still shirtless when Edward entered and leaned against the door frame. 

“Ready?” I looked at him in the mirror.

“Sneaking a peek?” I teased him.

“I’ve seen you shirtless plenty of times Beau.” He stepped forward and ran his hand down my arm, touching the scar from where Jacob had bitten me. He frowned. I shook him off and pulled on a dark green button up shirt. 

“Will I ever feel like myself in these clothes?” 

“If you don’t like them why do you wear them?” Edward’s brow furrowed. 

“What else do I have to wear?” Edward considered it and looked over the bags we had brought. He took my hand and led me down the stairs. 

“I know what we can do today.” 

The mall was small and uninspiring. I told Edward a hundred times on the plane how much I hated shopping but he didn’t listen. He was set on getting me new clothes and refused to help me shop at all. We had been here an hour and all I had managed to buy was three pairs of shoes. 

As we looped the mall walkways every store started to look the same. Bright colored shirts, stiff pants, and glossy mannequins judged me for not liking their style choices. I convinced him to head out and walk the streets instead. Boston was different than I pictured it, it was much larger, louder than anything I ever imagined a city to be. Edward said it would be less chaotic than going to New York, but I doubted that could be true. We passed smaller boutique shops that Alice would’ve loved. Edward looked over all of them with indifference. 

I was about to give up on the trip altogether when an industrial style brick building came into view. It was quietly nestled between other stores but I could tell it was different. I pulled Edward inside and he looked at me questioningly. I didn’t answer his gaze, but headed further into the maze of hoodies, jean jackets, and graphic shirts. I reached out and touched a pair of distressed jeans with my fingers, they were so soft as if they’d been worn a hundred times already. 

“It’s recycled denim.” A small sales associate had wandered over. 

“Recycled? I didn’t even know you could do that.” I touched the jeans again. 

“What do you say I curate an outfit for you? I’m a licensed stylist here.” She tapped her badge with her long fingernail. 

“I’m actually trying to stay away from licensed stylists at the moment.” I laughed and thought of Alice. 

“Get burned?” She said and touched my arm playfully. 

“Come on Beau, let her pick an outfit for you.” Edward said, throwing his arm around my shoulders. 

“Listen to him, it’ll be fun!” She seemed unbothered by Edward’s attempt to mark his territory. 

“Okay.” I gave in and handed my shoes to Edward. “Hold these for me.” The sales associate led me away from Edward towards racks of jackets. I winked at him over my shoulder and he pouted. 

I let myself be led through the whole store, saying truthfully what I did and didn’t like. Block colored sweatshirts, faded jean jackets, track pants, shirts with little embroidered patches, joggers, and ripped jeans. There were at least fifty pieces on the counter when I had finished.

“So, is there anything you’d like to take home today?” She looked at me eagerly for a sale.

“Umm.”

“We’ll take all of it.” Edward said joining us once again. 

“All of it?!” Her voice hitched up an octave. 

“Yes, anything he picked out.” 

“Okay, one moment.” She scurried back to the dressing rooms to grab the clothes I had left back there. I turned to Edward. 

“We can’t buy all this!”

“Of course we can.” He was so nonchalant it made me want to burst. 

“Edward it’s too much.” I tried to be firm but he laughed.

“It’s nothing to me.” I knew he meant it. Getting used to how much money the Cullen’s had was one of the biggest shocks. 

“Still.”

“Honestly Beau, we flew down to Boston on a whim this morning and you’re worried about how much some clothes will cost?” He was right. I had a way of focusing on the wrong things. The associate rang us up and we left with our arms packed with bags. We passed back by the mall and Edward ducked in quickly to grab a large suitcase. It would be easier to fly back with all of my shopping in one bag. 

We waited for our flight home in the busy terminal. Edward read a book he had purchased from the airport bookstore and I held a cup of coffee while I people watched. I brought the cup to my lips but didn’t drink. There were families, business professionals, stewards flying home or connecting with other flights. Everyone moved about not noticing us at all. I wondered if I would spend the rest of my life on the periphery of the world. When our group got up to board I threw the full cold cup of coffee away.


	7. Road Trip

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to 1lizarddemon, Jules_21, ChestnutAsh, Biamend, AT_HS_BS and the 6 guests who left kudos! They mean more than you know!

“I’ll take two.” I passed the cards across the table.

“Two for Beau, dealer takes two, Eddie Boy?” Emmett dealt the new cards out.

“None for me thank you.” Edward wasn’t taking any and Emmett always took. I wasn’t sure how to bet. 

“I see and I raise twenty.” I pushed in my pile. “Edward?” 

“I’m in.” He met my bet. Emmett went in as well and called. Edward laid down first, a spades flush. He smiled smugly as Emmett threw down his two pairs and groaned. I laid my cards down with a little snap and watched his smile vanish.

“Better luck next time babe.” I collected the pot back into my jar. Emmett insisted we bet with dry beans. Everyone had their own jar which sat on the kitchen counter to mock the losers. After this last hand my jar was full. 

“You’ve been practicing on the boat haven’t you?” Edward crossed his arms. He acted affronted but I knew he enjoyed playing games with someone whose mind was unreadable. 

“Maybe.” I put the lid on my jar and placed it on the counter. Rosalie entered from the living room and kissed Emmett.

“You boys done with your game?” 

“Yes ma’am.” He smiled up at her.

“Good. I have plans with Beau.” 

“You do?” This was news to me. 

“Come on! This is their last night here Rose! Don’t take him away.” Emmett pouted at her.

“I promised him.” I looked at Rosalie as she spoke. What did she promise me?

“Well can I come with?” He blinked his eyes fast and begged. 

“I suppose.” She sighed and kissed his forehead. He jumped up and slapped his hands together in victory. She turned and looked at Edward. 

“I guess you can come as well. If you have to.” 

“How considerate of you.” He answered flatly. Rosalie ignored him and pulled me out the back door towards the garage. I helped her take down the convertible roof while we waited for Emmett and Edward to join us. I climbed in the back with Edward and Emmett took the front. We drove out of town north. It was hard not to notice all the eyes on us, restored Lincoln Continentals were not something typical to be seen on these streets. Let alone one driven by a group of teenagers. When we were safely outside of city limits Rosalie shifted gears and threw us into our seatbacks. I heard Edward curse under his breath. 

“Wooooo!” Emmet howled. “This ain’t a sixties engine!” Rosalie laughed at him. I loved how he could get her to drop all of her guards and relax. She explained in detail to him how she had kept the car’s frame but had fitted it with a new engine and fuel injector. He listened with intense interest. 

“We should get nitrous for this thing.” Emmett said excitedly. 

“You always say that.”

“Hey, I’ll keep suggesting it until you listen.” She laughed at him again and shook her head. I grabbed Edward’s hand and lifted it over my shoulder as I shifted closer. He smiled down at me and kissed my hair. We sped through the Canadian wilderness flipping through the radio and reminiscing over the past three weeks. 

“My favorite was Greenland.” Edward said, pulling me close. “You should’ve seen Beau try to snowshoe for the first time.” 

“Apparently I’m not graceful at everything.” I laughed.

“Oh for sure not, remember when you fell off the boat?” Emmet added. Was everyone’s favorite part of this trip me being clumsy? 

“You fell off the boat?!” Edward hadn’t heard this story.

“Just a little.” I held up my fingers a tiny bit apart and smiled. 

“I personally favor the time Edward and Emmett thought they could play two hand touch quietly at three in the morning and we had to tell the police a tree fell down.” Rosalie laughed. We crossed the bridge into Quebec and kept going north. A few hours later Rosalie pulled the car onto a back road and then parked. 

“We’re here.” She turned and faced me.

“Where?” I couldn’t hear anything. I smelled nothing but grass and water and soil. I looked around the pitch black landscape for some clue. Rosalie climbed out of the car without answering me and I joined her. She grabbed my hand and sprinted off into the field left of the car, leaving Emmett and Edward to follow. 

We weaved through the marshy land around the thousands of tiny lakes. The air was cold as it broke through my clothes and onto my skin. She gave no indication of where our destination was going to be. Suddenly she stopped and yanked me backwards. I crashed to the ground beside her with such force I left an imprint in the dirt. 

“Ro what the-”

“Look.” She cut me off and pointed to the sky. I followed her finger and looked up at the quiltwork of stars above us. I finally understood Van Goh. It felt as if I couldn’t breathe, even though I didn’t need to. 

I remembered now, we had been at the lighthouse. She promised to show me the stars like this. There were so many. The sky was bright and alive as I gazed upward. Edward and Emmett held back for a while and gave us time to look. 

“Isn’t it beautiful?” She said, her voice laced with awe.

“It is.” 

“And most people don’t even know it looks like this.”

“I never did.” I turned my head to look at her. “But then again I didn’t know a lot of things before I came here.” 

“I’m glad you visited Beau.” She didn’t turn to look at me. I shifted and put my hands behind my head and crossed my feet. I could sit here all night and watch the sky twinkle. Eventually Emmett and Edward joined us and we all took turns pointing out different shapes we saw. I wished idly that we didn’t have to leave them so soon. Eventually Rosalie stood and announced we were leaving. 

“Oo! Can I drive home?” Emmett jumped up next to her.

“You can….If you can beat me back to the car.” She took off while she was still speaking. Emmett rushed after her. Edward and I ran slower.

“What are you thinking?”

“I was thinking I wished we didn’t have to leave.”

“Do you want to stay? I’m sure Rosalie would permit me longer if you asked.” I laughed at his comment and shook my head.

“No. I know it’s time to leave.” Edward and I slowed to a walk as we got closer to the road.

“How do you know?” 

“I’m trying to trust my gut.” I leaned over and kissed his cheek as we walked. We got back to the car and Emmett was doing a victory dance while holding the keys. Rosalie winked at me and I knew she had let him win. I climbed into the back once more, excited to cuddle Edward on the trip back. Rosalie jumped in the back next to me instead. Edward frowned and took the passenger seat. 

Emmett didn’t drive as fast as Rosalie, or as smooth. Edward gripped the door as Emmet hit a curve while singing Rock and Roll Never Forgets at full volume. Rosalie and I laughed from the back seat as we bounced around. When we found ourselves alone on a straight shot of highway Rosalie leaned over and whispered in my ear. 

“Do you remember that movie we watched? The Sisterhood one?” I smiled and nodded. I knew exactly where she was going with this. We giggled and climbed up on the back of the car. We sat with our feet in the seat below and held up our arms. 

“Get down!” Edward growled but we ignored him. I threw my head back and laughed at top volume. 

“YA-YA!” Rosalie let out an excited squeal next to me. I had never heard her make such a sound, it was wonderful. Emmett watched her from the rearview mirror with a smile. He softly swerved back and forth on the road to make her laugh. Even Edward broke a small smile as he watched us. We slid back into the seats as we reached Quebec City limits. Emmett played Supertramp and we all sang along. 

Sweet devotion

It's not for me

Just give me motion

To set me free

In the land and the ocean 

Far away

It's the life I've chosen

Every day 

We rolled up the driveway back in Antigonish at exactly six in the morning. A heavy silence fell over us as we walked inside, knowing that one roadtrip had ended but another would soon begin. 

I climbed the stairs to change and let my hand linger on the freshly stained railing. I finally understood why they liked to renovate and restore things. It was like a piece of you never left the places you had been; this house would not forget us. 

I changed into clean black jeans and a t-shirt. I picked up my jean jacket and rubbed my thumb over the wool covered collar. I smiled and remembered when I wore it in front of Emmett for the first time. He commented about it for three days until Rosalie ordered him one. I shrugged it on and grabbed our last bag before heading down the stairs. 

“Ready?” Edward met me at the newel post. I smiled and nodded. He took the bag from me and headed to the SUV. I looked across the room to Rosalie and she sighed. She crossed the room and hugged me.

“You can come back any time you know?” I hugged her back.

“Thank Ro.” We broke our hug. “For everything.” She nodded and I moved to Emmett in the kitchen. He grabbed me in a big bear hug and squeezed until I called uncle. He laughed and set me down. 

“Here.” He handed me my bean jar from poker. “This way you can play Jasper.” I took it and then we both pretended to knock each other on the chin. He slapped my back as we headed outside. Edward was waiting by the Subaru, checking the hitch. We decided to ride together this time and had loaded my bike and pottery wheel in the small covered trailer. 

“Don’t be strangers!” Emmett called as we got in the car. He swung his arm around Rosalie and they both waved as we drove away. I watched the town I had come to know and love disappear behind us. I hummed quietly under my breath as we merged onto the interstate. 

Edward grabbed my hand and kissed my knuckles. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes.

_ Bella? _

I waited nervously for an answer.

_ Beau is that you? _

_ Who else? _

There was a silence between us. The minutes ticked by.

_ What do you want? _

_ I wanted to let you know I’ll be back on your side of the continent in a couple days.  _

_ Is that it? _

_ That’s it. _

_ Okay. _

_ Bells? _

_ Yeah? _

_ How have you been? _

_ I’m fine.  _

_ Really? _

_ Honest Beau, I’m fine. Running away is what you’re good at. I’m used to it.  _

I opened my eyes. I heard her faintly calling me, like a whisper in the back of my mind, but I didn’t answer. An hour passed before I closed my eyes again. 

_ Bella _

_ What _

_ You really think you're in any position to try and pull shots? _

I waited for an answer but none came. I hadn't realized how angry I still was with her. I opened my eyes and watched the changing landscape as we drove. As the sun dipped down in front of us I heard her small voice once more. 

_ Beau _

_ Yeah? _

_ It’s just... you promised not to leave. _

_ I know I did, but I had to break it. I had to. _

_ Why?  _

_ After everything happened, I couldn’t stay.  _

_ We could’ve worked it out.  _

_ I’m not just talking about you and me Bells. I needed distance from my whole life. _

_ I don’t understand.  _

_ I can’t explain it more than that. I’m sorry.  _

_ Beau, you can always talk to me.  _

_ I think it’s time to accept that things won’t be the same anymore.  _

_ I guess not.  _

There was another pause as I let her icy words sink in. 

_ Are you coming back to Forks? _

_ No.  _

_ Where are you going? _

_ Are you still with Jacob? _

We were sitting quietly together more than talking at this point.

_ Why? _

_ I have to think about what’s best.  _

_ So you wont tell me where you’ll be? _

_ No.  _

_ Beau- _

_ Listen, I want you to be happy. I won't be the one who puts you in the middle of us, of the treaty.  _

_ Beau, It’s not that big of a deal. _

_ We both know that’s not true. I won’t have him attacking anyone... again. _

We embraced the silence and let the reality sink in.

_ Bella? _

_ Yes? _

_ Will you do me a favor? _

_ What? _

_ Be careful with Jacob. I don’t want you to get hurt.  _

_ Really? You of all people are going to tell me who is and isn’t dangerous? _

_ He is dangerous. I have the scars to prove it. _

I broke off the conversation and looked over at Edward. He was tapping the steering wheel and singing along to his Playlist. He smiled at me, his teeth reflecting the lights from the dashboard. I looked out the window and watched the moon drift through the sky. 

The next morning Edward and I switched driving. I merged back onto the interstate with a full tank and put on my choice of music. 

“Do we have to listen to this?” Edward was grumpy about being stuck in the car. He wanted to fly and have our things shipped. 

“Yes.” I turned up the volume and watched him sink into his seat. 

“What’s this band?”

“The Front Bottoms.” 

“It doesn’t sound very much like music to me.” He opened a book to show his disinterest. I couldn’t help but laugh at his pouting. 

“Give it time.” I patted his leg. The road stretched out before me and I felt my mind unravel its long held tension. There was something about driving that made everything make sense. I sang along as I dived in and out of my thoughts.

“There's comfort in the bottom of a swimming pool, I'm holding my breath for you.”

I moved to pass a semi truck. Edward had been very understanding these past few weeks. He felt like more than I deserved most days. He said he had fallen in love with me, and he wanted me to be myself. Whoever that was. I had a better understanding of why it was so hard for him to stay in Forks. In Nova Scotia we had complete freedom. 

  
  


“If you could then you would try, To crack my ribcage open and pull my heart right through.” 

I settled back into the right lane and set my cruise. I thought about the night at the lighthouse. Rosalie had always been a cold mystery to me. We had gotten along through our mutual understanding of my incompetence, but now it felt as if we may be more than coexisting. We wanted to be a part of each other’s lives. These past weeks she had defrosted right in front of my eyes. We had movie nights outside with a projector pointed at the backside of the garage, we painted the second bedroom, we even went into town every tuesday between her classes and pretended to share a slice of pie at an old diner. Emmett and her really felt like family now. 

“I've been around long enough now To know that the good things never last They never last.” 

I slowed down, stuck between a cautious Uhaul and morning commuters trying to pass quickly. Edward looked up from his book for a microsecond and surveyed the traffic. He was reading  _ The Name of the Rose.  _ He insisted it was a good book but I couldn’t get past page three. The title alone made me miss Esme. I remembered the last time I saw her, standing over me in the backyard, eyes full of worry. When she came upstairs before we left why didn’t I turn around? I hadn’t heard from her since then. I sent her flowers and long letters filled with pictures of all of us. 

“And I am permanently, Preoccupied with your past.”

Finally we passed the exit that all the commuters needed and traffic thinned back out. My conversation with Bella yesterday had gone better than expected. I hadn’t said more than a handful of words to her since I told her I was going away for awhile. Her relationship with Jacob worried me, hypocritical as it might be. Whenever I thought of it all I could imagine was him lunging at her like he had. My hands tightened on the steering wheel. 

“I know, I know you're in love with me And I've been ignoring you.”

Edward took my hand off of the steering wheel and held it until I relaxed. I tried to shake the thought out of my head, but it was hard not to remember the feeling of the bite or the sound of Jacob’s jaw breaking. Jasper promised he didn’t cause any permanent damage. I missed them, Jasper and Alice. I wondered what they had been doing all this time. I shook my head again. I didn’t need more thoughts, I needed less. I cleared my mind and sang along to the end of the song. 

“I will stop cutting my pants into shorts, I will address the issues I cannot ignore. And I will do the things I think you might like, And I will be alone probably the rest of my life.”

We switched drivers again at sunset. Around midnight Edward pulled over at an abandoned rest stop so we could hunt in the surrounding fields. There wasn’t much of anything besides deer around and Edward was displeased. 

“It’s the noise from the road, it scares off bigger smarter prey. I’ll be happy when this road trip is over.” 

“I like road trips.” 

“I’ll concede that road trips with you are far better than I’ve experienced before.” He smiled as he said this. He opened my door and went around to the drivers side. I got comfortable and held my bean jar carefully in my lap. Edward turned on a soft musician as we headed west once more. 

I took a long hard look 

At the words in that book

I had to cast my last stone 

And take the long way home

I couldn't look you in the eye

And tell another lie

Have to do this on my own

I'll take the long way home, the long way home

I don't know how you feel

Or if I ever will, yeah

Do you wait by the phone

While I take the long way home, the long way home

Still here with folded hands

Hoping you understand

My mistakes are my own

But I'll take the long way home, the long way home

On day three we filled our gas containers and loaded them into the trailer. There would be long stretches without gas stations or any outlets as we headed north to Alaska. Luckily Edward and I weren’t concerned with breaking down or being stranded. In a weird way it was less exciting without the danger present. As we drove snow came down in large white puffs. I groaned.

“Still don’t like the snow?” 

“It’s only October! Why is it snowing!?” 

“Beau, we are very far north, and going farther. You should get used to the snow.” I crossed my arms and looked out the window. To be fair all the reasons I hated snow were no longer of concern to me. Maybe I could grow used to it. I had put up with it in Greenland for the three days we spent there. 

I sketched the passing landscapes as we journeyed on. Edward stopped the car on a side road around noon.

“What are we doing?”

“Come on.” Edward was out of the car and opening my door in a blink. He led me through a ditch and into a snow covered field. 

“Edward what are we doing?” He bent over and gathered snow in his hands. He stood and packed it together in a ball. “Don’t you dare!” 

The snow hit me square in the shoulder despite my threats. Edward laughed and bent to make another. I grabbed snow of my own and hit him first. He shook the snow out of his hair and I was reminded of that afternoon all those months ago when the Cullens were just a group of kids at a cafeteria table. He hit me again and broke my concentration on the memory. I laughed and tackled him into the snow. He rolled over on top of me and we sank into the snow bank. 

“Do you still hate the snow?” 

“Yes.” He kissed me.

“How about now?”

“I absolutely detest it.” He smiled and kissed me again. This time I tilted my head back and pulled him in. Rippling electricity moved through my skin where our bodies touched. 

“And now?”

“Well I love you, that’s for sure.”

“I love you too Beau.” He kissed me once more and then helped me stand. He laid down a few feet away and made a snow angel. “Now you.” He pointed down to the ground. I rolled my eyes but obliged, he was irresistible when he was this happy. I was waving my arms and legs through the snow when he disappeared. He came back with a camera. 

“Edward no!” 

“Come on it’s your first snow angel.” I smiled and he snapped the picture. I jumped up and stole the camera. Before he could protest I pressed our cheeks together and the shutter clicked. It was a perfect photo- Edward annoyed but laughing and me grinning wildly. We played in the snow a little longer before heading back to the route. 

That night Edward asked that I read to him. He was bored with music, though I wasn’t sure if that could be possible. I picked up a book from his pile in the back seat and opened to his marked page. 

“He was never more sinister than when he was most polite, which is probably the truest test of breeding; and the elegance of his diction, even when he was swearing, no less than the distinction of his demeanor, showed him one of a different cast from his crew.”

“Not that one.” He tried to grab the book from my hands. 

“You wanted me to read, I pick the book.” I read further and he listened. I used different voices and tried my best to be as animated as possible. He relaxed as I went, soon I was on the last page. 

“And thus it will go on, so long as children are gay and innocent and heartless.” I closed the book and Edward sighed.

“I like being read to, it’s relaxing. Like having your hair brushed.”

“You like your hair brushed?” I looked over at him. 

“Yes. You do it all the time, with your fingers of course. It reminds me of my mother.” Edward looked straight ahead at the road as he spoke. 

“Should I read another one?”

“Yes.” I turned and rummaged through the book pile again.

“The year eighteen sixty-six was marked by a bizarre development, an unexplained and downright inexplicable phenomenon that surely no one has forgotten.” Edward laughed and we drove on into the darkness. 

By the fourth day we had crossed out of Canada into Alaska. Edward presented our passports at the border. I could see mine already read Beau Massen-Cullen. 

“So where now?” I said as we pulled away from the security checkpoint. 

“Homer.” Edward was putting our documents back into a manilla folder and driving with his knee. 

“Homer?” 

“Yes.”

“And then?”

“Then.” Edward put the folder in the back seat. “We go home.” We drove in silence to Homer and soon we were on the last leg of our trip - A ferry to Kodiak island.

The water sprayed over the side of the boat as it dipped through the rolling waves. I wiped it off my face and starred over the water as it glinted in the setting sun. I could hear Edward walk up behind me and look out over my shoulder. I leaned back into him. 

“Come Josephine in my flying machine And it's up she goes..” I sang quietly. 

“What?” I looked up into Edward’s confused eyes and held my arms out. 

“I’m flying! Jack..” He starred down at me still clueless. “Have you really never seen Titanic?” 

“Oh! I know about the Titanic. What a tragedy, I remember when we got the news.” 

“No Edward, the movie.” 

“There’s a film?”

“Yeah, It was a huge deal.” Edward shrugged and looked back over the water. I sighed and looked at the waves as well. It was the middle of the night when we reached Kodiak Island. We waited as the SUV was unloaded. I like traveling by ferry. Edward told me the maritime highway extended all the way to Seattle. 

“Hey do you think we could take the trip someday? All the way to Seattle?” I asked as Edward started the engine. 

“I don’t see why not.” He smiled. The town of Kodiak was small compared to other cities. We drove through it and continued southwest past the tiny airport. We looped around the bays following the Chiniak highway. Edward turned off the main road onto a gravel path and we began climbing up above sea level. Suddenly a large house broke through the massive pine trees. 

It was a massive log cabin with a triangle of two-story windows right on the front. Every light seemed to be on inside and it’s brightness lit the driveway as I stepped out of the car. The view to the front of the house was an endless ocean. Edward grabbed my hand and led me inside. 

On the porch were several chairs and a large swing all made from matching wood. Esme had really outdone herself on this house. I wondered why they ever moved to Forks if they had a place like this to live. The front door swung open before I even had a chance to reach for the handle. Alice flew out and tackled me into a hug.

“You’re late!” 

“The ferry was behind schedule.” I said hugging her back. I was overwhelmed with how much I missed her. She let me go too soon and as soon as her arms were off me I missed them. I looked around at the huge open living space. The walls and ceilings were all smooth sealed wood that matched the large exposed beams. The living room was full of soft blue couches all facing a massive stone fireplace. The kitchen had deep navy cabinets with glistening white countertops. I loved it all, though I could have never picked it myself. 

“Do you like it?” She was watching me with a large smile.

“It’s gorgeous, makes me wonder why you ever moved to Forks.” I laughed. 

“What do you mean?” 

“I would’ve never left this house.” I ran my hand across the back of the closest couch. 

“You didn’t tell him?” Alice looked at Edward.

“I thought you might want the honors.” He winked at her and her smile grew wider. 

“Didn’t tell me what?” 

“That we’ve never lived here before.” Edward leaned against the couch back and crossed his ankles.

“I’m confused.” 

“Beau! We built this house for you!” Alice almost vibrated right out of her skin with excitement. “Well for you and Edward.” 

I looked around the large room once more. On the mantel were photos of Edward and me from our trip to Greenland, Emmett and me with our fish, Esme and Carlisle on the swing out front. 

“This is our house?” Edward nodded to me in response. 

“Come on!” Alice grabbed my hand and dragged me through the dining room out sliding glass doors. In the middle of a large cement patio was a built in fire pit, and around the fire stood the rest of the family. My family. 

“About time you got here, what did you guys do? Walk half of it.” Emmett laughed and pulled Rosalie closer. I couldn’t speak. Alice flitted off to Jasper’s side and left me alone to gawk at everyone. 

“Beau, are you alright Darling?” I looked over to Esme.

“I’m waiting to wake up.” She smiled and hugged me. When we parted she brushed my hair back with her fingers then held my face with both hands. 

_ I’m so happy you’re back. _

_ Esme I’m so sorry. I should’ve turned around. _

She smiled at me.

_ Did you get my flowers?  _

_ Yes, thank you darling. I got your pictures too. You’ll find many of them in the house. _

_ Why didn’t you write? Or call?  _

Her face looked sad for a moment.

_ I wanted to…. But Carlisle thought a complete break might be best for you. To clear your mind. _

_ But you missed me? _

“Of course I did.” She answered aloud and hugged me again. Edward joined us at my right side and we all took a seat on the log seats. I looked over the faces of my family as they talked and caught up with each other. I told Edward once that we were tethered together. I realized now that I was anchored to each person in this circle, and for the first time I felt that codependence wasn’t a weakness but our biggest strength. 

“Earth to Beau!” I blinked and looked at Alice.

“I’m sorry what?” 

“I asked if you had your vows written!”

“Vows?”

“Yes! Vows! Don’t tell me you forgot that your perfect stainless wedding is in two days!” Alice was notched up higher than I had seen her go before. I couldn’t help but continue to play dumb. 

“Oh is that still on?” 

“BEAU!” I could see the metaphorical smoke start to pour from her ears. 

“Don’t worry, I’ll think of something.” I winked at her and she let out a huff. Edward laughed and kissed the side of my head. 

“Welcome home.” He whispered. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What's a road trip without a crazy eclectic playlist set on shuffle? :)  
> The music featured in this chapter:  
> Rock and Roll Never forgets - Bob Seger  
> Goodbye Stranger - Supertramp  
> Swimming Pool - The Front Bottoms  
> Take The Long Way Home - Shane Mack  
> Come Josephine, In my flying machine - Marie Brennan
> 
> There were two books and two movies mentioned as well, but I'll let you figure those out for yourself!


	8. Stag Do

“What are you doing?!” Jasper tackled me and threw me over his shoulder. 

“Let’s go!” Emmett cheered from the forest just behind the house.

“Put me down!” Jasper laughed and ran to join Emmett. “Edward, HELP!” 

“And just what do you think you’re doing with my fiance?” Jasper turned around and I saw Edward lazily leaning against the backdoor. Well sort of. Everything was upside down. 

“Partying.” Jasper said simply. 

“Carry on.” Edward turned to go back inside. 

“TRAITOR!” I yelled but he didn’t turn around. He threw his hand up in a backwards wave before closing the door. Jasper took off towards the woods once more. I heard Emmett running next to him. I tried to push off Jasper but Emmett caught my legs. A few minutes later they stopped and returned me to my feet. I looked out and saw water and then Alaska in the distance, we must’ve run across the entire island. 

“What are we doing?” 

“It’s the eve of your wedding.” Emmett was on a full high. 

“And?” 

“Haven’t you ever heard of bachelor parties?” Jasper smiled. 

“But isn’t Edward a Bachelor too?” They shared a look of conspiracy and laughed. 

“Don’t worry. He is being taken care of.” Emmett’s tone made me suddenly happy to be kidnapped by this pair. He made it sound as if Edward’s capture would be worse. 

“Where are we going?” 

“Swimming.” Emmett said with a wicked grin. They pulled me towards the rock beach and cast me into the water. It was cold and rough as we swam out into the channel. I knew that no human would be capable of making such a swim, especially at these temperatures. The sun sank over us as we pushed through the rough waves. 

The ocean was different from anywhere else I ever swam. The waves would rise and crash us down under the water as the tides tried their best to sweep us away. Despite the struggle I had never had more fun. Emmett sunk below the surface, it was too challenging to hold his massive body up against the wind and surf. Jasper on the other hand glided through the water effortlessly propelled by his long limbs. We all ducked below the surface when we heard a boat come close, it was still aways off, only traveling twenty knots or so, but we wanted to be careful. We quickly made it to the other beach. 

“Wooo!” Emmett clapped his hands together. Our hair and clothes began freezing instantly. Jasper took off into the forest and we followed. After crossing a highway we veered left and slowed down. Emmett leaned down and pulled a large duffel from a hollowed fallen tree. 

“What’s this?” 

“Little B, you ask too many questions.” Emmett opened the bag and threw a pile of dry clothes at Jasper and then me. We ended up in matching hoodies reading ‘Little B’s Bachelor Boys’. Emmett grinned stupidly as I read it aloud. We zipped yellow waterproof jackets over the hoodies and I was glad to be done facing the embarrassment. 

“Alright. Let’s get a move on.” Jasper said stowing our frozen clothes away and shoving the bag back into its hiding place. We headed north through the forest, pushing and laughing at each other as we ran. I pulled a move from Alice’s playbook and sank myself under Emmett’s feet. With a howl of laughter he flew back first into a massive snow drift sending the white powder flying through the air. Jasper started laughing and jumped headlong into the drift as well, sending up another wave of snow. I put my sourness for snow aside and joined in the fun. I crashed into what was left of the pile and sent up another flurry. It was like our own private snowglobe. 

“So Beau, usually tonight we would take you out and get you too drunk to walk,” Emmett pulled me out of the snow with one hand. “There’s no chance of that though.” 

“We do however have a plan to get you something top shelf.” Jasper smiled.

“Top Shelf?” 

“Oh yeah.” Emmett sprinted off through the trees and we took after him. I could see the forest clearing as we ran and smelled the most delicious scent. I quickly overtook them, drawn in by the rush of my hunting senses.

“Beau! No!” I didn’t even look to see what it was before I pounced. My teeth tore through it’s skin while it’s quiet struggles disappeared below me. It drained too quickly and I felt more satisfied than I had from any other hunt so far. 

“Damn it.” I heard Emmett exclaim under his breath. I tried to slow my thinking and understand why he was upset. Suddenly I froze and stopped breathing. I closed my eyes, unable to look down. They told me to stop, it tasted too good, Emmett was mad. Everything added up and I felt sick. Jasper was at my side in an instant, a worried tone in his voice. 

“Beau?” 

“What did I do?” My voice was choked as it came out. Jasper’s tone changed in an instant and he tried to calm me, with his talents and his voice. 

“It’s really nothing Beau. Emmett is just over reacting.” 

“How can you say that!?” 

“Hey, you didn’t know better. We’ll get it cleaned up, don’t worry.” He patted my back and I turned around. I didn’t want to know what he meant. I heard Emmett shuffle over to help. 

“Grab those antlers will ya?” Antlers? I opened my eyes and spun around. In the small clearing was Jasper, Emmett, and a giant moose carcass. I let out my breath and doubled over. I swore under my breath in every way I could think of. 

“What the hell!” I yelled at them at last. 

“What?” Jasper answered while pulling out the organs. They were doing their best to make it look like an animal attack. 

“I thought…...I…” I couldn’t put the words together. “Jasper.” He stopped and looked up at me. I met his eyes and showed him what had happened. He laughed. 

“God Beau, You jump higher than a carp trying to reach conclusions.” Jasper shook his head. 

“Why were you so mad!?” I couldn’t understand how they thought this was funny. 

“Tracks.” Jasper pointed to the snow while ripping one leg over. “It’s not hunting season for moose. We’ll have to clean them up and make it look like a bear attack. Hunting laws here are strictly enforced.” 

“And you ruined your appetite! We were going to find you a bear!” Emmett whined. Exhausted by the conversation I sat down and leaned backwards to look at the sky. It was cloudy and black. I shook my head and tried to focus on the important thing: I hadn’t hurt anyone. 

“Why did it smell so different? And taste so good?” 

“It’s big game. I know you’ve had an odd elk or two but this guy here probably weighs over thirteen hundred pounds.” Jasper finished and came over to where I was sitting. He held out a hand and I took it, standing as I did. 

“How do we get rid of the footprints?” He smiled and stamped his feet in the snow around us. It flattened into ice under the pressure of his step. He started running around the little clearing and Emmett joined him. I watched as the whole thing became an ice rink. 

“Beau, come try it out!” Emmett said while sliding his feet over the packed surface. He was gliding towards me with a huge smile. Apparently I had been forgiven for ruining my appetite. He grabbed my elbow and shoved me on to the makeshift rink. I panicked and locked my knees. I slid across the whole meadow without moving my legs and flew into the woods on the other side. I heard them laughing as I made my way back to the clearing. 

“Only you Beau.” Emmett laughed his full barrel chested laugh. I was glad to see I hadn’t tanked the evening all together. They stopped skating and joined me in the trees. We walked through the woods now and jeered with one another. 

“So, you nervous man?” 

“Not as much as I bet you were.” 

“Are you kidding?! I was so happy I was shaking. I got to marry Rosalie.  _ Rosalie.  _ Unbelievable. It was the second time I thought I had died and gone to heaven.” Emmett slapped his hand over his heart. 

“What about you Jasper? Were you nervous?” 

“Alice and I aren’t married.” 

“What?” I stopped midstep. Jasper laughed and shrugged. 

“Just never saw the need for it. We’re married in every other way. Just never done the wedding thing.” We began walking again. 

“Alice. The party-planning, expensive-designer-clothes, dress-up Queen has never had a wedding?” 

“When you say it like that..” He laughed. “It sounds a little crazy. But we’re both happy the way it is.” 

“You mean she doesn’t want one? I can’t believe that.” I shook my head. 

“Well, sometimes the way you show love to others isn’t the way you like to receive it yourself.” He smiled and I knew he was remembering something. I had never considered that Alice did all the things she does as a way of showing us her love. There was no doubt that she loved expensive clothes and large parties, but what she loved most was seeing other people enjoy them. 

“How did you guys meet?” I interrupted Jasper’s flashback and he took a minute to answer.

“In a little dinner in Philadelphia. We both had a very different upbringing than our siblings. I was sitting in a red vinyl booth staring into a cup of coffee, wondering what I was doing, where I was going. I heard the bell above the door ring as she entered and suddenly I felt a warm rush of love wash over me. My back was to the door and I assumed she walked to meet someone at the other end, someone she was overjoyed to see.” He paused and looked at me. 

“That was the loneliest part. Before I met Alice, I felt everyone in love and I felt their passion as they kissed or held hands. In my early years I thought I had loved someone, but once I was in the real world, I realized I had never loved in my life. There is no other pain that comes close to the pain of feeling someone’s happiness when you’re empty.” I had never considered that Jasper’s talents had a drawback. He could change people’s emotions, but he also had to feel all of them. He continued. 

“Anyways, The first thing I saw was her hands on the metal table. She had moved so quietly I hadn’t even heard her sit down. I looked up into her face and was overwhelmed. She smiled and said ‘Hello, Jasper’. Her love filled every part of my mind and body. I tell you, even my kneecaps loved Alice.” He laughed and knocked shoulders with me. “I knew instantly I would follow her anywhere. Protect her from anything. Worship her always.” He spoke of Alice with a deep reverence. 

“Stop.” Emmett held up one hand, smelled the air and then smiled. “Top Shelf time boys.” 

He ran right into the dense woods and I could tell the elevation was rising slightly as we went. We ran in a sort of triangle pattern, letting Emmett lead. I could smell a large predator coming closer. He slowed and climbed a tree, we followed suit. Emmett held one finger to his lips and pointed down. I watched a large brown bear break through the brush directly underneath us. Emmett let go of the tree and dropped directly on the bear’s back. It let out a massive growl as his arms wrapped around its neck. 

“Yeehaw!” Jasper yelled as we watched Emmett attempt to ride the angry bear. I couldn’t help but laugh at his antics. He bit into the bear’s neck and the bear let out another fierce sound. Soon Emmett had finished and was celebrating his victory. We jumped down from our perches and joined him. Blood ran down his chin and soaked into his collar, apparently I wasn’t the only messy eater. 

“Jasper, it looks like it’s your turn.” He was the only one who hadn’t eaten. 

“Get ready to run.” He took off and left us in his wake. Jasper’s long legs carried him farther with each step, but I had a newborn advantage when it came to speed. Emmett was the slowest of the group. His hulking size and strength became a weakness at these speeds. I caught up to Jasper but he turned south unexpectedly and I lost him. I looped around and caught his scent. Emmett had caught up and we tracked Jasper through the woods. I smelled the salty ocean as we closed in. We heard an animal bellow in the distance and ran towards the noise. We found Jasper in a large field hovering over his kill. 

“About time. You’d think you two were molasses in winter.” He grinned.

“Wooo, that’s a nice rack.” Emmett grabbed the animal by the horns and admired it. 

“What is it?” I had never seen something like this before. It was maybe a buffalo, or maybe cow, I couldn’t decide.

“Musk Ox.” Jasper answered. We were careful to walk lightly, leaving no prints behind as we ripped the animal open. There was more work to hunting in Alaska but I couldn’t deny the game was exceptional. I was still full enough to feel my dinner sloshing around my stomach. Jasper checked his watch. 

“Time to head back.” 

“Why?” I pouted. 

“Alice has a surprise for you.” He winked. I felt dread and excitement at the same time. A surprise from Alice was simultaneously a present and a threat. We ran through the wilderness with the same ramped up jubilation that we had on our way in. When we reached the coast Emmett grabbed Jasper and hurled him into the sea as if he was skipping a stone. Jasper crashed into the water sending a large white spray flying into the air. I laughed and ran full speed before jumping to cannonball. 

I sank further than I thought I would. I worked to push my way to the surface and began swimming towards the island. I could hear Jasper and Emmett laughing in the distance. We emerged on the shore and started the run home. As we got closer we slowed to a walk. 

“Hey, thanks for tonight.” 

“What are brothers for?” Emmett slapped my back and grabbed the back of my neck, shaking me lightly. The light of the house came into view and soon we passed into the back yard. I saw Carlisle and Edward sitting at the wooden table on the patio with crystal glasses between them, holding lit cigars. 

“What is this?” Edward looked toward me and smiled. He tapped the cigar and ashes flew away. It was an overly sweet burning smell. My nose crinkled as I leaned in to kiss him. 

“My bachelor party.” He lifted the crystal glass to his lips and took a drink. I smelled the familiar scent of big cat. They must’ve hunted and brought back leftovers to sip like wine. I rolled my eyes.

“Emmett made it sound like you were in for it, worse than me.” Edward laughed.

“Well look at him,” Emmett defended himself. “You can’t say sitting around lighting cigars you can’t even smoke is anywhere near as much fun as we had!” 

“That is true.” Jasper agreed. 

“Alright!” Alice appeared from the house with a camera. “Bloody jackets off! I want a picture!” 

We shrugged off our wet blood stained jackets and gathered together in the custom hoodies. I stood in the middle and we wrapped our arms around each other.

“Say BACHELOR BOYS!” 

“BACHELOR BOYS!” We yelled in unison. Emmett and Jasper hoisted me up next, setting one leg on each of their shoulders so I was sitting. I threw my fists up, flexing my arms and they joined me. Alice laughed and snapped the second picture. 

“Okay, now go change before your frozen pants start breaking apart.” She smiled at us as we passed. I started the head into the house when I was pulled back by a scarf around my eyes. 

“Alice…” I started to complain but remembered what Jasper said. She just wanted to love me. “At least use my own clothes.” She laughed and pulled me inside to the master bedroom. 

“Alright, you can take it off.” 

“Well this is new.” I said slipping the blindfold off. She was standing in front of the large open armoire. 

“What do you want to wear?”

“You aren’t going to pick?” 

“Edward told me I may have gone a little overboard trying to help your fashion sense.” She looked contrite. 

“You didn’t go overboard.”

“Beau, please.”

“Okay, well maybe a little.” I laughed. “But you had my best interest at heart.” 

“I really did. I just wanted you to be happy.” I hooked my arm around her shoulders and turned us to face the closet. 

“So what am I wearing tonight?” I kissed the side of her head and she smiled. Alice dug through the clothes and handed me a pair of soft olive green pants and a white shirt with a gray pocket. She cuffed the bottom of the pants but didn’t tuck in my shirt. 

“There. Simple and handsome.” Her lips bent into a soft smile. 

“I’ll need a long sleeve shirt or something to cover my arms.” 

“Why?”

“It upsets Edward to see the scars.” I paused and swallowed. “I just don’t want him to think about it tonight.” Alice nodded and grabbed a jean shirt off a hanger. I wish Jacob had collided with me differently. The teeth marks covered my shoulder and arm down to the elbow. She rolled the sleeves slightly to expose my wrists. When she was done I wrapped her in a hug.

“I love you Alice.” She hugged me back and pressed her head against my neck. When we parted her face was warm and glowing. 

“Come on, I have a surprise for you.” 

“I heard that you might.” She led me back out of the bedroom and down the hall. We entered the living room and I saw why she had blindfolded me. The couches had all been rearranged into a U-shape. There were large sheets draped over them and up onto large dining chairs creating a fort. Inside were giant square pillows and plush blankets. A strand of fairy lights around the couch cushions illuminated the little cave. On the floor at the opening was a TV. 

“What’s all this for?” I laughed as I asked.

“Edward showed me. You used to make these when you were a kid and watch films all day long. I thought we could have a movie night and rest up before the big day.” She squeezed my hand. I remembered building these with Bella, of course ours had been much less elaborate. In a strange way it was the perfect end to the night. 

“Ro!” 

“What?” Rosalie appeared from the opposite end of the house where the guest rooms were.

“Want to watch a movie with us?” She studied the fort curiously with a smile.

“Alice, you've out done yourself.” Alice smiled at the compliment. We climbed into the fort and pushed the pillows around getting comfortable. 

“Well what do we have here?” Emmett squatted and looked in at us. He hollered for Jasper and crawled in next to Rosalie. “Don’t mind if I do.” 

“Emmett no!” She hollered as the sheets slipped off the chairs. We all laughed and felt the sheets pull off of us. Jasper stood looking down at us, the sheets in one hand. 

“Looks like we need a bigger teepee.” He laughed. Emmett and Jasper grabbed more of the dining room chairs and we scooted the couches apart. Alice took the rest of the king sized sheets from storage and off the beds. We stacked the chairs two high in each corner and tied the sheets together creating a massive tent. We all fit in comfortably now. 

“Am I allowed to join?” Edward smiled.

“Only if you shower.” Rosalie’s lips curled as the smell of cigars hit us. He scowled at her and attempted to climb in. 

“No no no.” I held up both hands. “Listen to Rosalie, you reek.” He pouted and left to shower. Jasper got comfortable in the far corner and Alice settled in her favorite spot between his legs. Emmet sat next to him with one arm wrapped around Rosalie’s shoulders. I sat on Rosalie’s other side, our arms touching. Esme peaked into the fort entrance.

“What are you up to in here?” 

“Watching a movie. Join us?” 

“No, you kids have fun. I think Carlisle and I will go out for a stroll.” She smiled. 

“Quick take a picture first?!” Alice pleaded. Esme nodded and went to get the camera. Edward returned just in time and cuddled sideways into my free side, his head on my chest. 

“Smile.” Esme clicked the photo and left. Alice pressed play and a familiar song flooded the room from the surround sound. I laughed as Edward’s brow furrowed. 

“What’s this?”

“You’ll see.” I ran my fingers through his hair.

“I heard it was a favorite Beau.” Alice said and leaned back into Jasper’s chest. The title flickered across the screen and Rosalie beamed.

“Oh I love this one!” Edward groaned and I sensed he would try to hate this movie just because Rosalie liked it. 

“Come on man, Titanic is a classic.” Emmett reached his big arm over and ruffled Edward’s hair.

Edward tried to feign indifference with the movie but was sitting up cross legged and leaning in by the time Rose started her story. I was watching him as much as I was watching the movie. I wondered if this world looked familiar to him, the clothes, the mannerisms, the decor. His eyes never left the screen. Soon Rose was over the railing and he reached out and took my hand, nervous. I smiled at him. He broke his concentration from the movie when they stood at the bow and said the lines I had quoted to him on the ferry. He looked at me and smiled before cuddling again into my side. He grabbed my shirt and held on with white knuckles as they attempted to escape from steerage with the water rising over them. He gasped as Rose jumped off the lifeboat and held me tightly after their reunion. Rosalie sighed and laid her head on Emmett’s shoulder while they made their last promises. Sunlight broke across the television screen as she climbed the stairs to reunite with Jack. 

“Rosalie, you want to hunt before it’s time to get ready?” Alice stretched and stood. 

“Sure.” Rosalie followed her. 

“I’ll go with you. I had a light meal last night.” Jasper left as well. Emmett crossed his arms and looked at me. 

“You want me to leave so you can do stuff?” 

“Emmett!” I screeched in embarrassment. He laughed and jumped out of the blanket fort before I could punch him. 

“Just remember to save some for tonight big guy!” He yelled as he ran out of the house. I shifted uncomfortably and looked down at Edward. 

“That was an excellent film. The historical accuracy was questionable at best, but most cinematography is lacking.” 

“I can’t believe you’d never seen it.” 

“Film is very repetitive. I’ve barely seen anything past the fifties.” 

“You’re such a critic.” He frowned at my comment. I moved down and rolled on my side facing him. 

“So, it’s the big day.” I kissed his forehead. 

“I don’t think I’m supposed to see you before the wedding.” He smiled.

“That’s only for brides. We’re two grooms so it doesn’t matter.” 

“Is that so?” 

“Absolute fact.” He kissed me as I spoke. 

“It’s funny, the last time I was in Alaska I was trying to convince myself to never see you again.”

“I’m glad you didn’t succeed.” 

“So am I.” He laid a hand on my cheek. “I used to think my inability to leave you alone was a shortcoming on my part. I cursed myself everyday for not being strong enough for you. And then when you were changing I hated myself for having condemned your soul to this purgatory with my actions…”

“Edward…” 

“Please.” He stopped me and continued. “I wanted to say that I’m sorry for that.”

“Sorry?”

“Yes. For ever thinking that loving you this much was a weakness.” He rubbed his thumb across my cheekbone. “Nothing has ever made me stronger.” He pulled our faces together into a passionate kiss. I pressed myself into him and he hooked his leg over mine, holding me close. I moved my hand down his side and gently lifted his shirt to lay my hand on his bare hip. I squeezed lightly and he drew in a sharp breath before pushing us apart. 

“One more day love.” He kissed me but it was chaste. “And not a second more.” 

He disappeared suddenly from the room, leaving me more adrift than I had felt last night swimming in the ocean. I rolled onto my back and let out a deep sigh. His words rang in my head  _ ‘And not a second more’ _ . Was he as ready for our honeymoon as I was? I doubted anyone else could be that desperate. 


	9. A Wedding

“YOU HAVEN’T SHOWERED YET!?” Alice was on full blast. I didn’t realize how much time had passed while I was laying in the fort. She grabbed my ankle and dragged me through the hall to the master bathroom. She pointed to the shower and left. 

I emerged from the steamy bathroom wrapped in a towel to find Alice finishing Rosalie’s makeup on the bed. They were wearing matching silver robes and giggling. Alice had her short hair rolled into delicate curlers. 

“Your suit is over there.” Alice pointed to a bag hanging from a lock on one of the windows. I went to the wardrobe first to grab an undershirt and boxers. 

“Oh no, not these.” Alice took the boxers from my hands. 

“Alice.” She pointed to the suit bag and I unzipped it. Inside clipped to a hanger were a pair of small black shorts with blue wedding bells on them. I groaned and unclipped them. Alice laughed as I shimmied into them under my towel. 

“They’re a little snug Al.” I said stretching.

“They’re made to be Beau.” She laughed. “It’s your wedding night after all.” I stopped stretching and rubbed my face with both hands.

“What have I agreed to, letting you plan all this?” 

“Everything.” She laughed again and threw the undershirt at me. I put it on and then the pants. They were well fitted and tapered nicely at the ankles. The shirt fit with equal perfection. Alice handed me a pair of suspenders next, black with brown leather details. I wouldn’t ever pick suspenders for myself, but I had to admit they looked sharp. I sat on the bed and let Rosalie do my hair. It was a longer process than I thought was necessary to brush it over with a little gel. She led me to the mirror and stood behind me.

“My mother gave me this as an engagement gift. I thought it could be your something old.” Rosalie clipped a gold cross necklace around my neck and tucked it under my shirt. She placed her hand over it and I placed my hand over hers. I looked into her eyes through the mirror. 

_ I love you Ro _

_ I love you too Beau _

She smiled and then left me to admire myself. I’d come so far from January I wondered if it was still the same person looking back at me from the mirror. I knew it wasn’t, and I knew the man in the mirror was an improvement. I heard the bedroom door open. 

“Beau?” I turned to see Esme and Carlisle in the doorway. Both of them were dressed in the same clothes as last night, They must’ve just gotten back. I smiled and hugged them both. 

“This was the watch Esme bought me as our first anniversary present.” Carlisle held out a small box and opened it revealing an old but pristine silver watch. 

“We wanted you to wear it today, as your something borrowed.” Esme grinned at me. 

“What about Edward?” 

“We have something for him as well.” Carlisle said as he fastened the watch around my wrist. 

“Thank you both, for everything.” I grabbed them into a giant hug, one under each arm. They held me back and Carlisle whispered into my ear.

“We love you...son.” I felt my emotions well inside me as we parted. They turned to leave.

“Wait, before you go.” I turned and grabbed the tie from the bag. “I don’t know how to.” I held the tie out to Carlisle. He took it with a smile and lifted my collar. Esme clasped her hands in front of her face and I heard a camera click as he went through the motions. He tightened it to my neck and flipped down the collar. He put his hands into his pockets when he’d finished. 

“I’ll see you up there.” I nodded, he must be Edward’s best man. I felt guilty suddenly, I hadn’t asked anyone. Esme wrapped her hand around his arm and they left to dress. I closed the door behind them and turned back to the girls. 

“You’re all set now!” Alice beamed and came over to me. 

“Something old.” She touched the necklace below my shirt.

“Something new.” She snapped my suspenders.

“Something borrowed.” She grabbed the hand the watch was on.

“And something blue!” Rosalie swatted my behind and I remembered the underwear. I laughed at them. 

“Seems like you two need to get dressed now.”

“They do indeed.” Jasper said, opening the door. “And we’ve come to reprieve them.” He entered the room with Emmett. The girls moved past them to exit and Jasper bowed before shutting the door. 

“What? Do I need babysitters or something?” I smiled and shook their hands. 

“Well we all know you have cold feet.” Emmett laughed but my face fell.

“You think I do?” I was wounded by the accusation. 

“It’s a joke Beau…. Because vampires are cold? So we always have cold feet?” Emmett rolled his eyes and pulled at the skinny tie around his neck.

“Oh.” I smiled and shook my head. “Right.” 

“You’re wound a little tight today, Huh B?” Emmett slapped my back. 

“A little tight? This boy is wound tighter than a two dollar watch.” Jasper laughed. 

“Well it’s not every day  _ I _ get married.” 

“That’s true. Not everyone has as many weddings as you and Rosalie.” Jasper leaned against the dresser and crossed his arms. I noticed he was wearing his nice cowboy boots, the same ones he had worn to my funeral. I wondered what shoes Alice had found for me. Under the suit bag was a large shoe box. I opened it to find sleek black dress boots. I laced them up with a smile. Alice returned and ushered Jasper and Emmett outside, giving them last minute tasks. 

“Now,” She turned to me once they had left. “Let’s get you polished off.” She smoothed my shirt and made sure it was expertly tucked, then adjusted my pant legs so they fell just so over the boots. She stood and unbuttoned my sleeves, cuffing them twice on each side. 

“Wont this scrunch my jacket.”

“No jacket.” She smiled at me. 

“Really?” 

“I’ve been taking your style comments under review.” She winked at me and I laughed. She was dressed in a dark red ankle length velvet dress. The neckline went straight across, making a perfectly straight line with the off the shoulder sleeves. It looked very retro, fitting down to her mid waist and then flaring out in a large full skirt. She led me out to the living room where Rosalie was waiting in a matching dress and heels. Her hair billowed down over her shoulders in soft curls. I looked down at Alice.

“Will you send Esme in?” She nodded and went outside. I heard music when she opened the door. I looked over at Rosalie and smiled, She smiled back and exited with a nod. Esme came in a moment later. 

“Is something wrong?” She looked worried. Her dress was the same color but had long sleeves and a more modest square neckline. She had on a large art deco style necklace that glinted in the sunlight from the skylights above us. I took a deep breath. 

“Will you walk me? Down the aisle I mean?” She reached up and touched my cheek. 

“Oh my darling boy.” It was all the answer I needed. I held out my arm and she wrapped her hand around it. We walked towards the back doors which had been draped with silk so I couldn’t see out. We opened them and stepped into the sun. 

Rosalie and Emmett stood together on the left. Jasper and Alice to the right. I barely registered either of the couples as I walked. All I could see was Edward waiting on the other side of the yard under a massive arch made of pine branches. He was dressed in a jet black suit with a matching vest. His hair was as wild as always, glinting red in the sun. He smiled brightly and I returned it. Behind him stood Carlisle, who was not our best man after all, but officiant. We reached the end of the walk and I turned to face Esme. 

“I love you.” She whispered. I leaned down and kissed her cheek. Edward extended his hand and I took it, facing Carlisle. He spoke, addressing the family as a whole. 

“There is no greater cause for celebration than the act of uniting two souls. I’m pleased and honored to be a part of one such celebration today. And I am even more jubilant to know and love the men that stand before me. There is an old saying  _ Omnia mutantur, nos et mutamur in illis, _ transla ted meaning ‘All things change, and we change with them’. There is no shortage of change in the lives that we live together. Change is the only thing that is certain.” He smiled. 

“However, there is one other constant among us: Love. As Beau and Edward have proven,” He looked at us now. “There are no changes, no challenges, too great that love can not weather them.” He paused and I looked over at Edward who was hanging on his adopted father’s every word.

“Now I believe the grooms have written their own vows.” Carlisle motioned with one hand. Edward and I turned to face one another. “Edward, will you begin?” 

“I wanted to start with a quote from one of Beau’s new favorite poets: 

“I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you simply, without problems or pride: I love you in this way because I do not know any other way of loving.” I smiled as he spoke.

“I spent more than most people’s lifetime, wandering aimlessly. Waiting for you. Waiting for your crooked smile, your backwards humor, your clumsy feet.” He laughed and continued. “What I wasn’t expecting to ever have was your fierce compassion, your endless love, your gentle touch…… You’re more than any one person deserves. I love you Beau Swan, and I can’t wait to spend every day of our forever with you.” 

“Beau, your vows.” Carlisle directed. 

“Edward. When Alice asked me if I had my vows written I was terrified to say no. Not only because no one says no to Alice.” I heard light laughter. “But also because I couldn’t think of any possible arrangement of words that conveyed how I feel about you. I love you in ways words cannot capture, in a language that only hearts can speak.” Edward squeezed my hand. 

“So my vows are simply this: Edward, I bind myself to you. Wholly, Eternally, and Lovingly. For the rest of time.” 

“Do we have the rings?” Carlisle called behind us and Rosalie walked up. She kissed my cheek and smiled as she placed the ring in my hand. She turned and did the same to Edward before sitting down. He blinked in surprise at her show of affection. 

“Edward,” Carlisle continued. “With this ring do you vow to be Beau’s loving husband, companion, protector, and friend throughout this life you will share together?” 

“I do so vow.” He slid the signet ring back onto my finger. 

“Beau,With this ring do you vow to be Edward’s loving husband, companion, protector, and friend throughout this life you will share together?”

“I do.”

There was an eruption of applause as we parted from our first kiss. After an hour of photos we were released by Alice to rest inside while they set up for the reception. Edward took off his jacket and laid it across the granite counter of the kitchen island. I spotted a gold chain that ran clipped from one of the vest buttons down to the pocket. 

“What’s that?” I pointed with my finger and took a seat on one of the stools around the backside of the island. 

“A wedding gift from Carlisle and Esme.” He took the stool next to me and produced a pocket watch from the folds of the vest. I was engraved with an E and B in elegant script. He clicked it open and I read the tiny inscription on the inside aloud. 

“When I thought how my dear friend, my lover, was on his way coming, O then I was happy. O then each breath tasted sweeter, and all that day my food nourish’d me more, and the beautiful day pass’d well.” 

“Whitman.” Edward said, closing the watch. He ran his thumb over it once before sticking it back in his pocket. 

“That’s interesting, They lent me a watch.” I showed Edward the band on my wrist. 

“Well, I suppose they have given us the gift of time.” He paused and studied the watch face. He was right, Carlisle had given us the gift of eternity when he stopped Edward’s clock all those years ago. Edward looked up at me.“It’s a very long gift.”

“Thank God for that.” I kissed him. 

“Indeed.” He smiled and kissed me again. 

“We’re ready!” Alice called from outside. Edward stood and held out his hand. 

“Our audience awaits.” I sighed and took it. He led me back out the doors into a white tent. 

A wooden dancing floor covered the cement patio. There were no tables or chairs, though I suppose we didn’t need to sit or eat. The ceiling of the tent was a canopy of white and red roses with twinkling lights dropping down from the densely packed flowers. 

“Congratulations!” They all yelled in unison. I laughed and shook my head. Emmett pressed a remote and music filled the tiny dance hall. Edward pulled me onto the floor and everyone stood by watching. My lullaby drifted through the air. I looked at Edward.

_ I hate dancing. _

_ It’s our first dance. Do you really want to miss it? _

_ No. _

_ Besides, you have become an excellent dancer. _

_ Only because I had a crush on my instructor.  _

_ Lucky instructor. _

He winked and then dipped me suddenly, kissing me as he did. We continued dancing as the music faded away. At the end everyone clapped. Another song began and I grabbed Rosalie’s hand. 

“Enough watching.” I pulled her onto the floor.

“Beau, No!” She protested but followed.

“Emmett, put on something jazzy.” Ella Fitzgerald's voice warbled through the tent accompanied by a big band. 

“What are you doing?!” She grinned as I widened our dance square. 

“I didn’t learn to do the Charleston for nothing!” We began the dance. She laughed as we kicked our legs out and twisted our feet to the beat. I spun her so we were side by side. 

“Kick those heels up girl!” Emmett howled as he watched us high kick. I could see Jasper and Alice had joined us, along with Esme and Carlisle. They were all doing a much more complicated step than us but Rosalie still laughed and smiled at me. It was nice seeing her enjoy herself. When the song ended I bowed to her and she clapped her hands together. I spent the rest of the night switching dance partners and enjoying the celebration. Eventually the party wound down and we headed back into the house. 

“Jasper, will you grab our bags?” He nodded and turned down the hall towards the guest rooms.

“Bags? You’re leaving?” 

“Beau, it’s your wedding night and Edward has elected to honeymoon in place.” Alice winked at me. I swallowed hard. The rest grabbed their things to leave as well. Edward and I waited on the front porch to waive them off. Rosalie and Emmett exited first. 

“Good luck with Marriage buddy.” Emmett said, wrapping me in a hug. “Just remember, the easiest way to win a fight, is not to start one.” He shook hands with Edward and walked towards their airport rental. Rosalie hugged me next. She held me at arms length and looked over at Edward. 

“You did good.” They shared a smile and nod. She looked back at me. “Beau, you could probably do better.” Edward frowned while Rosalie and I laughed. 

“I’m glad I didn’t.”

“Me too.” She touched my cheek and joined Emmett by the car. Alice appeared from the doorway next, followed by Jasper. She hugged us both at the same time. He arms squeezed so hard I thought we might choke. 

“Don’t worry, We’ll be back in two weeks!” 

“Two weeks?” Edward said warily.

“To the day.” She beamed and headed towards the car. Jasper nodded, his arms full of bags.

“Easy trails, Full sails, and Straight Rails to you both.” We waived as he jumped off the porch and tossed the bags in the trunk. Rosalie rolled down her window as they drove off .

“The door is always open!” She smiled and disappeared down the long gravel path. I wished Emmett and her would come back in two weeks instead of going home. Esme wrapped her arms around me from behind and kissed my shoulder. I turned and gave her a full hug. 

“We’re going to visit the cousins. We’ll be close by if there’s any trouble.” I nodded at her. Carlisle came onto the porch and wrapped a scarf around his neck. 

“We better be off dear if we want to catch the last ferry.” He shook our hands and led Esme down the steps. We waived once again as they slipped into the darkness. Edward threw an arm around my shoulder and kissed the side of my head. 

“Alone at last.” I laughed nervously at his comment. I had waited so long for the moment and suddenly I was staring it down, completely terrified. I looked up at him and found his eyes searching mine. 

“Don’t be nervous.” He kissed me.

“Impossible.” Edward grabbed my hand and led me through the house to the master bedroom. 

The mess we made getting ready for the wedding had been cleaned away. I studied the room nervously as Edward unclipped his cuff link and carefully put away the pocket watch. The room had the same wooden walls and vaulted ceiling as the main rooms. There was a pine armoire and long dresser. I did my best not to look at the massive metal frame bed overflowing with deep green and gray blankets. I sat in a large round back chair and worked to take off my boots. 

When I had finished I looked up and saw Edward studying me. He crossed the room and lifted me out of the chair. Tentatively he leaned in to kiss me and waited for my reaction. I kissed him back eagerly but faltered when his hand moved to unbutton my shirt. 

“What’s wrong?” His brow creased and he pushed away from me.

“I just… um…”

“I thought you couldn’t wait for this Beau.”

“I can’t! I’m going crazy right now!”

“You are?” He smiled coyly and pulled me back to him.

“Of course I am. It’s just, You’re so good at everything….. And I’ve been so focused that _ I  _ get to be  _ you _ that I forgot _ you _ were going to be with  _ me _ . Ya know?” 

“I’m not sure I follow.” He leaned in to kiss me and I sighed. 

“What if I’m a disappointment?” Edward laughed lightly. 

“You are absolutely positively certifiably insane.” He raised his hand and stroked my cheek. “How could I ever be disappointed with any part of who you are?”

“Well-”

“Rhetorical Beau, it was rhetorical.” He kissed me softly. “You know I am, how did you put it, Going Crazy right now too.”

“Really?”

“How could I not be? I’m standing in my wonderful house holding my beautiful husband.” I smiled when he said husband. Edward was my husband, and I was his. I kissed him again and gave myself over to the rush of feelings. He stumbled backwards as I crashed my body into him. He reached again for my shirt buttons and I didn’t freeze. He pushed the shirt off my shoulders slowly. I returned the gesture and took off his vest. I started his shirt but couldn’t focus on the small buttons. In frustration I parted from his kiss for a millisecond to grab each collar and rip the fabric open. 

“Really Beau?” He smiled and shook his head at my miniature tantrum, discarding his ruined shirt on the floor. I grabbed the back of his thighs and tossed him backwards onto the bed. He wasn’t laughing anymore. I climbed over him, a knee on each side of his hips. I reached back with one hand and pulled my undershirt over my head and discarded it on the floor. I heard him take a sharp breath as I leaned down to kiss him. Our chest pressed together and I felt him start to move under me. 

“I love you.” I heard him whisper between kisses. 

“I love you too.” 


	10. Interrupted

I leaned backward resting against the island and looked out the window over the sink. Someone had taken down the small tent but the yard was covered in the roses and pine branches. It looked strange, like a painting from a fairytale book. I imagine the book must be about a little prince playing in the garden, getting in trouble for cutting all his mother’s roses to make the ground look like snow. I smiled and crossed my arms, it made me think of Esme. 

“Are those my pants?” Edward had entered the kitchen, his hair wet from a shower. 

“I don’t know, I found them in the dresser. They are a little long for me.” I looked down at the satin pajama bottoms. I lied, I knew they were his but I wanted to wear them. 

“They look nice on you. Perhaps we will get you some for yourself.” He stood in front of me and looked down. “Though if they fit you properly they probably would hang this way.” He ran two fingers across the low hanging waist band. I leaned in and stole a kiss. 

“So what should we do today?” 

“I thought you might join me back in the bedroom.” He smiled.

“Didn’t you get enough?” I teased him.

“Not nearly.” 

“Well it’s already three in the afternoon, it’ll be bedtime again soon.” He pretended to pout and I winked at him. 

“I forgot to ask you about this last night.” He touched the gold cross around my neck. 

“You? Forget? You’re losing your edge.”

“I was distracted.” He grinned wickedly and I knew he was remembering. 

“It’s a gift from Rosalie. Something old.”

“Doesn’t really seem to be your taste.” He spun the cross between his fingers. 

“It was a family heirloom. From her mother.” 

“She’s become very fond of you.” His tone hinted at jealousy. 

“Well she hasn’t lived with me a hundred years yet.” I kissed his cheek. “What did you have yesterday, for your things?”

“What things?”

“Old, new, borrowed, blue.” 

“Ah.” He said understanding. He rolled off my chest and stood shoulder to shoulder with me and looked out the windows. “Old was my suit, new was the watch, borrowed cufflinks, blue socks.” 

“How old was your suit?”

“It was from my human life.”

“I can’t believe it looked so good after all this time and fit.”

“Well, it’s not like I could outgrow it Beau.”

“Right.” I felt stupid. “Still, that’s old.” 

“Very old. I wouldn’t have worn it if I knew you were going to rip it off me.” He laughed and bumped my shoulder.

“I only ripped the shirt! It was the heat of the moment or whatever…”

“Yes well, I suppose it’s not the worst damage you did.” I flinched away from him and frowned. “Sorry, it was only meant to be a joke Beau.” He was immediately apologetic. 

“Ha ha.” I had enjoyed a peaceful five minutes not thinking about what I had done while he showered, my peace was over.

“Beau,” He turned my face to look at him. “I’m fine. Really. I think we both forgot to be careful. You’re still a newborn after all.” 

“Okay.” I agreed to move the conversation on but I knew I’d never forgive myself. Edward could tell I was still sulking.

“I know what will cheer you up! Come on.” He grabbed my hand and pulled me to the guest side of the cabin. I walked behind him and admired the view. I could still see the curves of his muscles through his thin clothes. 

The hallway turned right and the house stretched into the backyard to make room for the extra guest suites. I hadn’t been to this side of the house yet, there wasn’t much time to explore since we had arrived. I peeked into an open door and saw the suites were massive, equipped with a small sitting area and private fireplaces. The door at the very end of the hallway was closed and Edward stopped in front of it. 

“Your wedding present.” He turned the knob and the door swung open. Unlike the rest of the house this room was drywalled and painted a soft but blinding white. The ceiling had massive skylights that flooded the room with brightness. There were easels, drying racks, and canvasses of every size. In the back corner I saw my spinning wheel and a large shelf behind for drying. Edward pulled me into the room.

“Now there is a small kiln in the back closet. And the clay is here.” He touched a set of large tub drawers. “Alice says there are different kinds though I’m not sure what that means…” His words faded away as I turned and continued to take in the room. 

Beside a wooden drafting table was a large chest of drawers. I opened one to find charcoals, the next had oil pastels, then an array of drawing pencils and so on. I looked over by the easels and saw a large case of paints in all sizes, colors, and compositions. 

“Beau?” Edward looked at me expectedly.

“I’m sorry?” I hadn’t heard him. 

“You are the most distracted vampire in history. I asked if you liked it.”

“Like it? Edward I don’t know what to say. It’s beyond anything I ever could’ve dreamed.” He smiled, pleased with himself. 

“Good.” He crossed the room and wrapped his arms around me. “I love you Mr. Massen Cullen.” 

“I love you too.” My restraint to wait until night time slipped away as I kissed him. He pushed me backwards, up onto a table. A sharp ding rang through the house and Edward broke our kiss. 

“Ignore it.” He growled. The bell rang again with a double tapped note. I sighed and left to get it. I opened the front door to find a short girl gripping a clipboard. She looked over me and blushed red.

“Express… um delivery.” 

“Delivery?” 

“Yes.” She pointed a shaky finger down to several large boxes that had been hauled onto our porch. 

“Oh.”

“Yes, um…” She swallowed hard and tried to gain composure. “I just need your signature.” 

I took the clipboard from her hands and read it over. Express overnight delivery from Alice C to Mr. MC, Halifax to Kodiak direct. They must be visiting with Emmett and Rosalie. I signed for the packages and passed the papers back to her. Our fingers grazed each other lightly and she blushed once again. 

“Do you need help bringing them in?” I could hear her heart skipping. 

“No thank you.” I turned and called over my shoulder. “Sweetheart, could you come help me?” Edward appeared next to me and I heard the poor girl’s heart stop altogether. I remembered that feeling. He planted a kiss and grabbed one of the boxes. Her heart started once again and she fumbled a goodby on the way back to her truck. I helped Edward bring the rest of the boxes in.

“That poor girl.” He laughed. 

“What do you think Alice sent us?” 

“Impossible to tell. It is Alice after all.” I opened one of the smaller boxes and pulled out a twelve by ten frame delicately wrapped in tissue paper. I unwrapped it and held the picture up to Edward.

“Wedding photos.” He smiled at the black and white photo of Carlisle helping me with my tie. It didn’t register until now that Alice taking candid pictures. I unwrapped them all quickly, eager to see what else she had captured. 

There was Edward laughing with Emmett and Jasper under the pine arch. Esme and I walking down the aisle. Rosalie smiling as I spun her on the dance floor. Across from me Edward unboxed the largest parcel. It was one of our formal photos. The whole family lined up in front of the large trees at the edge of our backyard, smiling. It was matted with cream paper standing over two feet tall and nearly twice as long. Edward placed it on the mantle in the living room. It was a perfect fit.  _ Only Alice _ , I smiled. There were six more boxes stuffed with neatly framed pictures of all sizes. I found a small picture of Carlisle and Edward toasting on the back patio during his bachelor party. I passed it to Edward who held it lovingly. 

“I know the perfect place for it.” I grabbed his hand, It was my turn for surprises. I led him to our master bedroom door and spun him to face the bookcase in the hallway.

“I think we can find a better place than this bookcase.” He held the picture frame like treasured gold. 

“I agree.” I grabbed the side of the bookcase and slid it sideways down the wall. The secret door opened and we walked inside. Edward’s eyes were alight with wonder and I felt overjoyed. I hoped this is what I looked like to him in the studio. 

He walked into the room and touched the spines of his books gently. Three of the walls were built in bookcases, ceiling to floor, and the third east facing wall was full glass. On the floor was a large moose pelt which led to the window where two massive leather chairs sat. Edward set the picture on the table between them.

“They're from Carlisle’s office, from Forks.”

“I recognize them.” He ran his hand over the soft tops of the chairs and studied the bookcases. They were full of his CDs, records, books, and memorabilia. “Thank you Beau.” 

“You’re welcome.” I leaned against the door frame and let him reminisce as he passed the shelves. Eventually he made his way back to me. 

“You know,” He said, laying one hand on my chest. “I’m remembering now that we were interrupted a moment ago…” He kissed my neck lightly.

“We were.” I whispered back. 

“Let’s find a way to rectify that, shall we?” He didn’t wait for an answer but lifted me so my legs were wrapped around his waist and carried me to the bedroom. 

I turned on the shower and let the hot water cascade over my body. I had found a new thing to love about being a vampire: never getting tired. I smiled at the thought and put soap in my hair. I took my time showering and drying off before going back to the bedroom. The sun was sinking away, it got dark so early here. Edward was still sprawled out on the bed, wrapped in sheets and smiling.

“I wish you would’ve stayed in bed.” 

“You’re the one who wanted to go into town tonight. I’m not going to walk around Alaska with wild sex hair!” He laughed at me but didn’t move from the bed. I slipped on a pair of boxers.

“Do you not find it enjoyable….making your hair that way?” I know he was goading me back into bed but I couldn’t resist. I jumped and landed on top of him. 

“More than  _ enjoyable _ .” I bent down and kissed him before crawling off. I went to the wardrobe and pulled out faded jeans, a steel gray hoodie, and my thick brown leather jacket. I sat down to lace up my bulking winter boots and watched Edward dress. He tucked his white button down shirt into black chinos before pulling a fitted gray sweater on. He shrugged into a beige knee length peacoat and smooth all his collars. I looked down and wondered if I was underdressed. 

“You look fine.” Edward clipped the pocket watch to his coat button and deposited in the pocket.

“I thought you couldn’t read my mind?”

“I can read your face.” He smiled. “Honestly, your clothes are just as nice as mine. Just a different style.”

“An updated style.” I teased. 

“That’s the second time you’ve eluded to my age. Do you think me elderly?” He teased back.

“Oh very. You’re technically like an impossibly old man.” 

“Perhaps, but I’ll wager I can still beat you to the docks.” He vanished out of the house and I chased after him. 

We rushed to docks and arrived as the last rays of light faded from the sky. The ferry took longer than what seemed necessary to cross the small channel. We waited patiently to arrive back in Homer. We were the first to depart once the boat was tied off. 

We held hands and ran up the coast in the darkness. We stayed on the Eastern shoreline to avoid being seen so easily from the highway. I took a deep breath of the sea air and rolled my tongue around my mouth at the salty taste.

It was only a minute before we were in town, lazily strolling the sidewalks. There were plenty of tourists and residents still out despite the lack of sunlight. We blended in easily as we ducked into the museum and small local art galleries. Edward took every opportunity he could find to steal a kiss as we went. 

“Let’s go in here.” I opened the door to a coffee shop and we took seats by the front window after ordering two large cappuccinos in to-go cups. It was a lot easier to convince people you drank something when they couldn’t tell how much you had left. 

“What are we doing?”

“People watching.” I leaned back in my chair and held the cup with both hands. 

“What do you do?” 

“Just look at the people passing and imagine their lives. You know, what they’re like, what they’re thinking.”

“Beau, I know what they are thinking.” He tapped his head and crossed his arms. 

“Oh yeah…” I got an idea and leaned into the table. “Let’s play a game then. I’ll guess what they’re thinking and you tell me if I’m right.” Edward rolled his eyes but leaned in to play. I scanned the street for a good candidate. I found a woman walking her dog, she looked in the window and I saw her blush. 

“She’s thinking about how handsome you are.” 

“Wrong.” He pretended to take a sip. 

“Come on, she looked right in here and blushed.”

“She blushed at you.” He gestured to me with the cup.

“Oh, please.” I scoffed. 

“Wink at her. See what happens.” He nodded out the window. I winked at her just to prove him wrong. She blushed again and tripped over her own feet before disappearing down the road. 

“That’s two women today who have made eyes at my husband.” He said glumly. 

“You can’t be jealous.” 

“Oh yes I can.” He pouted. I scooted my chair next to his and lifted his arm over my shoulder.

“There, now they all know. Better?” He huffed but pulled me tighter. I scanned the passersby again. There was a man walking, head down avoiding being seen. 

“Him.” I pointed. “He either committed a crime or is about to.” 

“You’re actually close.” 

“Don’t sound so surprised.” I slapped his chest. “So, is he going to jail or not?” 

“I doubt it. Not many courts still prosecute adultery.” He said matter-of-factly.

“Oh.” I had no response. We watched people silently after that. Twenty minutes later Edward stood and threw his coffee away. I stood and followed him outside still holding my drink. Edward checked his pocket watch and said we should head back to catch the last ferry. I laughed at him, he didn’t need a watch to know the time. 

“You’re cute.” 

“What?” 

“Nothing.” I shook my head and took his hand. We walked two blocks down the street before we were interrupted. 

“Scuse me!” A little hand pulled on Edward’s coat. “Do you want a kitten?” The little girl pointed to a box behind her. 

“I’m sorry sweetheart, we don’t need a kitten.” Edward smiled. 

“Please! My mom said they need new homes.” She waved me down with her hand and I squatted so she could whisper in my ear. “Or else.” Her mom stood behind her and rolled her eyes. 

“Or else?” I repeated. She shook her head and her brown hair flew around her face. “Well that just won't do.” She smiled and it reminded me of Bella. A pain sprang in my chest for the way things used to be, for the mess they were now. 

“Beau.” Edward chidded softly. I chose to ignore him. 

“Show me the ones you have left.” 

“Just two. The orange one and the black one.” She pointed between them. “I like the orange one.” She gave her mom a giant sad pout. The mother sighed and I guessed she had been on the receiving end of pleading looks all day. I looked in the box, they weren’t exactly kittens anymore but they weren’t full grown either. The black one stretched and gazed up at me with big green eyes. 

“Well,” I looked up at the mother and tried to use all the charm I had. “I’ll take the black one, but only if you promise to keep the orange one.” 

“Umm,” The mother blinked rapidly. “Okay.” 

“Really?” The little girl shrieked and picked up the ora nge kitten. The mom nodded and I smiled as wide as I could. Her breathing hitched and she smiled. 

“Come on Lucy, let’s get home.” She grabbed the girls hand and waved goodbye to us. 

“Bye! Thanks!” Lucy called out over her shoulder. I picked up the lanky black kitten from the box. 

“Why did you scare her?” Edward watched the duo turn onto a side street. 

“What? I was trying to dazzle her, like you do.”

“You did not succeed.” He frowned and looked at the kitten. “What are you going to do with that?” 

“Take it home.” 

“I think not.” 

“Oh, come on Edward.” 

“We have about as much use for a cat as we do a...a…” He put his hands on his head exasperated. “A pigeon!” He shouted and threw his hands in the air. 

“I think he’s lost it.” I whispered to the kitten. “Come on, let’s get you some things before the shops close. I walked down the street quickly to a general store and Edward followed. I turned and handed the kitten to Edward who held it outstretched with both hands while I ducked inside. I found him in the same position, staring down the meowing kitten when I returned. 

“What does it want.”

“She’s cold. Tuck her in your coat.” 

“Tuck her in your coat!” He handed me the cat and took the shopping bags. I tucked her in my big hoodie pocket and followed Edward into a cab. By the time we reached home she was sleeping peacefully, purring. I took off my hoodie carefully and laid her on the couch to finish her nap inside the pocket. 

“What’s all this then?” He waved his hand to the bags.

“Well we have toys, and bowls, and food.” I pulled out each item and laid them on the counter. “And a collar.” I held up the small band stitched with tiny mountains. Edward read the metal name tag.

“Pigeon?”

“Seemed like you liked that name.” I smiled. 

“Very funny.” 

“Here, go spread these on the floor.” I handed him the various toys and he went to the living room. He ripped open the packets and Pigeon left her nap to investigate the sound. I left them alone to finish setting up her things. I came back to the kitchen to fill her water bowl and found Edward laying on the floor batting a fuzzy bell back and forth with her. 

“She’s smarter than other cats.”

“Oh is she?” 

“Undeniably.” 

“Here.” I threw the collar his way. “Put this on.” He clicked the collar on and scratched under her chin. 

“How come people who say they hate pets always end up loving them when they actually have one?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He rose from the floor and left her to play. “So what now?”

“If it’s alright with you I’d like to go poke around my new studio some more.”

“Nothing would make me happier.”

“Nothing?” I raised an eyebrow.

“Well…”

“That’s what I thought.” I kissed him quickly. “Keep an eye on her will you?” 

“If I must.” He smiled and I rolled my eyes. I snuck one last look at them playing in the living room before turning the corner of the hall. The studio door was still open but it was pitch black inside now. I felt for a light switch and flipped it on. As I looked around I realized I had no idea where to begin. There were too many options, wonderful options, nonetheless infinite. I sat at the stool in front of the drafting table and spun around.

I remembered my idea from the morning and took out thick paper. I started the story with the boy looking out the giant window, he wanted it to snow. I spent the next three pages having his mother explain that it just wasn’t winter in July, but if he believed enough he could still play in the snow. He headed to his mothers garden and plucked every white rose scattering them on the ground. He picked giant blooms from the hydrangea and built snowmen. He wound a vine of hysteria around his crown and declared himself the snow king. I smiled as I drew and wrote the little book.  _ What have you done? _ Exclaimed his mother. _ I’ve made it snow!  _ He shouted back. She joined him in the garden to enjoy the day. On the last page I drew them together, the prince in his mother’s lap. Her hand was raised high above them sprinkling down the white petals as they laughed. 

I drew a cover and stitched the tiny book together with thread. I went to the kitchen in search of a large envelope. Edward and the cat had disappeared. I found a bubble mailer and sealed the book inside. I realized I didn’t know where to address it. I wrote down what I did know. I heard someone call my name, interrupting my thoughts. I looked up, the room was empty. Someone called again and I closed my eyes. 

_ Bella? _

_ Beau thank God, there you are. _

_ Bella what’s wrong? _

_ Something’s wrong _

_ Yes Bella, WHAT is wrong _

_ I don’t know. _

_ Bella calm down _

_ Jacob says someone has been here, someone like you _

_ Like me? _

_ Yes, like you, but he doesn’t recognize the scent. _

I gripped the edge of the counter. Someone like me?

_ Show me what you know Bells. Show me now.  _

Bella showed me her last week or so. Things had been going missing around the house, things moved. She thought it was just her mind playing tricks on her. She showed her waking up in the night and reaching for the lamp, only to have the figure disappear when she turned on the light. She showed me trips to the beaches and spending time with Jacob. I bristled at that. She showed me school and all our old friends. The pain in my chest deepened. She showed me a field trip to Evergreen State where she toured dorms and sat in on classes. 

_ Wait, go back.  _

_ To what? _

_ The classroom, show me that lecture hall again.  _

She showed me the lecture hall as she remembered it and I felt my stomach curl. There on her periphery, a familiar face smiled rancidly at me. 

_ Bella _

_ Yes? _

_ I can’t believe I’m going to say this but you need to go to Jacobs.  _

_ What? _

_ Now Bella! Now!  _

_ Okay I’ll go, I’ll go.  _

_ Good. _

_ He wants to know why. _

_ He’s there with you? _

_ Yes.  _

_ Tell him……  _

_ Beau? _

_ Tell him it’s worse than he thinks, _

_ What does that mean? _

_ I’ll be there tomorrow.  _

I opened my eyes and headed down the hall, still clutching the envelope. Edward was in the library, laying face down on the pelt reading a book. Pigeon was stretched out on his back asleep. He looked up and frowned. 

“What is it?” I couldn’t speak, I just showed him the conversation with Bella.

“Was that-”

“From the meadow, the same girl.” I cut him off. “I don’t remember her name.”

“Victoria.” Edward spat and stood up collecting the cat as he did. “Pack quickly. Bella is in trouble.” 


	11. Return

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for the kudos and hits!

“It’s maybe two days old. She didn’t harm anyone, so she must have a larger plan.” Edward glanced at me when he said this. I began pacing the floors of Bella’s room. 

“A plan for me?” Her voice was small. He didn’t answer and I couldn’t answer, I just stared at the floor as I turned and walked back again.

“Will one of you talk to me!” I looked up at Bella and took a deep breath.

“We know her. If she was looking for you then….” I started pacing again.

“Then what Beau?”

“Do you remember James?” She nodded and became ashen. “Victoria was Jame’s…” I trailed off again.

“Mate.” Edward offered.

“Yes. Mate. And we killed him so if she is looking for you…” 

“You think she wants to even the score.” Bella said it as a fact instead of a question.

“He’s here.” Edward’s posture changed and he moved to the window. “I think I’ll go talk with Alice.” He kissed my cheek then leapt from the window too fast for Bella to see. We had called Alice from the airport and she must’ve arrived. I heard the front door slam.

“Bella?!” He sounded frightened as he climbed the stairs.

“You didn’t tell him I was coming, did you?”

“Ummm..”

“This should be fun.” Jacob burst through the bedroom door and growled at me. He quickly placed himself between us. 

“Just coming home to change clothes were you?” He asked her.

“I did technically change clothes-”

“What is he doing here Bella?” He never took his eyes off me.

“Hello to you too.” I smirked. He took a step forward and Bella grabbed his arm. 

“I won’t do this.” She stepped around him. “If you can’t behave you can leave.” I waved my fingers and smiled making him growl again.

“Both of you!” She turned to me. “Both of you behave or I swear, I’ll just let Victoria kill me.” I blinked at her outburst.

“Victoria?” Jacob looked confused.

“You don’t know Victoria?” I crossed my arms and challenged him. 

“Beau.” Bella warned. 

“I’m just saying, he seemed to have all the answers that day at the house.” 

“Oh I know all I need to know about you and those Cullens.” He spat.

“You better watch your mouth, I’m one of those Cullens now.” I flipped him my ring finger.

“STOP IT!” Bella screamed and looked like she might cry. Why did she get to be mad at me? I was furious with her still, with both of them. I took a deep breath, and tried to stay focused.

“Okay Bells, I’m behaving, I promise.” I crossed my heart with my finger. 

“I’m sorry.” Jacob whispered and hugged her, glaring over her shoulder as he did. He let her go and she sat on the bed. 

“Play nice.” She demanded. Jacob seemed to take her comment as a command.

“Who is Victoria?”

“She’s the scent you caught. She might be after Bella to even a score… with me.” 

“So once again, you’ve put Bella in danger by hanging around those bloodsuckers.” 

“This isn’t the Cullen’s fault. This is a loose end from my dealings with James.”

“And remind me,” He tilted his head. “Who was it that brought James into our lives?”

“I’m sorry, are you asking me to explain what a chance encounter is?”

“You think this is all chance?” He laughed. 

“Let’s stay on topic.” Bella cut in. 

“Let’s.” Edward appeared back in the window. Jacob snarled at him and moved closer to Bella. Edward ignored him. “Alice says she can’t see what’s happening. The blank spots.” I nodded at him, remembering how the wolves affected her visions.

“Should we know what that means?” Jacob snapped.

“No.” I smiled and his frown deepened. 

“So, I have a question. Why not go after him instead of Bella?” Jacob motioned to Edward with disgust. 

“It is possible that her larger plan is to draw us out.” Edward conceded. “However, Alice believes it is more likely that she is trying to recreate the same circumstances as before.”

“Circumstances?” 

“Yes, she may want to recreate the hunt for a human we want to protect, and then rewrite the ending.” Edward looked at me as he said this.

“Well, I know one things for certain: She isn’t going to have the ending where she ends up like Beau.” Jacob’s fists clenched tightly forcing his arm muscles to flex and strain beneath his skin. 

“No one wants that Jake.” Bella went to his side and weaved her arms around him. Was the way I am, so bad? I remembered what I was told about the treaty, how we existed. Carlisle had said we were like oppositely charged magnets, there was no option but to repel one another.  _ It does not make them wicked, nor us wicked.  _ I played his words over and over in my head, trying to absorb them. 

“Until we find out what is going on, Alice thinks someone should be with you and at the house around the clock.” Edward spoke to Bella softly.

“Okay, well you can pack a bag-” 

“You think I’m going to let her go with you?” I cut Jacob off. Just because the wolf pack wasn’t wicked didn’t mean Jacob wasn’t  _ my _ enemy. 

“You let me go there last night.” Bella was confused.

“Only because I didn’t have any other choice!” 

“She’ll be safer with me than with you!” Jacob cut back in.

“As safe as Emily?” My words were daggers and he flinched against them.

“You told him?” He turned to Bella. 

“He must’ve seen her when I was showing him what happened this week.” She defended. 

“That was an accident. I would never hurt anyone innocent.” He looked guilty as he spoke. 

“Really? You want to see my scar?” I stepped towards him and barred my teeth.

“You want me to give you another one?” He squared off with me. 

“Enough!” Bella attempted to push us back with her hands. “I’m not going with either of you!”

“Bella…” I pleaded. I wasn’t exactly in a mood to be around her, but the alternative was unacceptable. 

“No. I’m going to stay here, with Charlie. Or have you forgotten about him?” I winced at her words. “I’ll stay here and you can come here and protect me.”

“What about school?” 

“I go to Forks High now. I’ll cover her there.” Jacob cut in. 

“You go to Forks High?” 

“Yeah, when you imprint on someone, it’s hard to be away from them.”

“What-” He cut me off and looked me in the eyes showing me what he meant. My body flooded with anger and I lunged. Edward caught me in a headlock. 

“Get him out of here Bella!” He demanded through gritted teeth. Bella shoved Jacob down the stairs. I knew he was letting her move him, he wanted to get her alone. 

“Beau, calm down.”

“You don’t understand-”

“I read his mind.” 

“Then you know.” I wrestled against him but he didn’t let me go. 

“Beau get a hold of yourself!” He said, his tone firm. Get a hold of myself? A werewolf who wanted to kill me had imprinted on my sister. I felt the last string that connected me to Bella and her world snap. I stopped struggling against Edward and he let me go. I sat in the rocking chair and buried my head in my hands. 

“You’re not going back upstairs.” I could hear them in the living room.

“Watch me!” I heard Bella climb the stairs. She pushed open the door with a small knock.

“Can I come in?”

“It’s your room.”

“Right.” She stepped in and sat awkwardly on the bed. Edward moved against the back wall in an attempt to give us space. 

“So, when were you planning to tell me?”

“I thought that never sounded pretty good.” She laughed weakly. 

“Bella I’m so tired of finding things out like this.”

“Like what?”

“In arguments with your boyfriend.”

“Well you haven’t exactly been the most honest person either.”

“Bella, I have always been as honest as possible with you. I’m sorry you didn’t like it, but God what kind of choice did I have?” 

“Give me a break.” She stood and started pacing. I wasn’t giving her a break, I gave her nothing but breaks it seemed.

“Tell me Bella. Tell me seriously. How much did you know already before our birthday?”

“An amount.”

“An amount? Come one, you’re lying to protect him. Even now!”

“What do you want me to say? That I knew everything? That I played dumb for a whole summer while you went off and backpacked and rode motorcycles and lived your life without missing me at all? Is that what you want?” 

“I want the truth. That’s all Bells.” I dropped my voice. 

“The truth is neither one of you would tell me the whole story. But I’m no idiot. You both gave me enough pieces to put together a pretty good picture.”

“Why didn’t you just tell me?”

“I thought if you knew how much I was actually aware of the situation, that you would leave.” She sniffled and I looked up at her. “You want to know the funny part? I did everything I could to keep everyone together, and you left anyway.” I stood up and gently reached out to hold her. She fell into my arms and sobbed. We were more alike than I wanted to believe it turned out. She was working through all the same things I was. Blaming herself, thinking she failed, feeling inadequate. I ran my hand through her hair and let her get it out. I was still mad at her, but I’d have to set it aside as long as she was in danger.

“I wrecked everything Beau.” 

“No, no. Hey.” I held her out from me and forced her to look at me. “Things got wrecked because we tried to do something apart that we can only do together. That’s all.” 

“Well let’s not do that anymore then.” She tried to laugh. 

“You got it, dude.” The reference worked its magic and she laughed for real. “It’s you and me kid, okay?” I reached up and held her face.

“You and me.” She reached up and tapped the back of my hand. “Stay with me tonight?” 

“Not tonight.”

“Why not?”

“I need to...eat.” 

“Oh.” She was saddened again.

“What about tomorrow. Charlie will still be on his fishing trip, right?” I tried to cheer her up.

“Yes.” 

“Jacob, I know you’re listening, you might as well come in.” He thumped up the stairs and into the bedroom. He grimaced at the sight of our embrace. 

“What?”

“In an effort to respect Bella’s wishes, I think she should spend tonight with you.” I couldn’t open my mouth fully to even say the words. 

“Okay...” He was wary. 

“And tomorrow you can bring her to the old Cullen place.”

“Not happening.” He crossed his arms. 

“Jacob-”

“Bella, you’re not going.”

“Oh, I’m not going?” She gave it back to him with an attitude. Maybe I should worry less about Bella getting hurt and more about her hurting Jacob. 

“If I may.” Edward interjected.

“You may not.” Jacob shot. 

“Jacob!” Bella was just as quick. “Edward, continue.” 

“As I was saying, I think we can all agree that getting Bella out of the house will be beneficial. We don’t want her around in case our visitor also knows Charlie is gone for the weekend. It will give us a better advantage if Victoria comes here alone.” Jacob tried to think of an argument but couldn’t. 

“I’ll agree with you there, but I don’t see why she just can’t stay with me full-time.” 

“You don’t want to help track and hunt the person trying to kill her?” I raised an eyebrow. 

“You all are hardly people.” 

“Still, you need to help find her and more than that I want to spend time with Beau.” Bella grabbed my hand. 

“Bella-” He said her name with a tired sigh. I knew we were close to wearing him down.

“Hey man, the quicker we find her, the sooner I leave.” I shrugged. 

“I like the sound of that.” He thought it over. “I’ll have to talk to the others. See if they’re willing to come to an agreement about the treaty.” 

“Of course.” Edward nodded. 

“It’s settled.” I clapped my hands together. “We will see you tomorrow.” 

“Promise?” Bella looked up at me.

“Make him promise you, not me.” Jacob rolled his eyes as I spoke. “If you come to the Cullens tomorrow, I’ll be there. Simple as that.” She smiled at me and I hugged her again quickly before Jacob pulled her away. Edward ducked out the window and I moved to follow.

“Hey.” She looked up at me from the bag she was packing. “We’ll get through this.”

Bella half smiled and nodded. I sensed even now she was holding something back from me, as if her confession was only half of all the things I didn’t want to hear. 

I jumped from the window and landed softly on the grass below. I took one last look at the light from her bedroom before running off. Following Edward’s scent into the woods was easy and I caught up with him in under a minute. 

“What now?” I asked as we ran. 

“First we hunt, then we get to the house. The others are waiting.” 

“Others? Plural?” 

“We handle things as a family.” He broke off to the left and started tracking a cougar. I moved forward on my own, searching for smaller game. We made quick work of our dinner and looped back towards the house. The run home was familiar, but everything about the night felt different. The back porch came into view and I could see everyone gathered around the large table. I climbed the steps and was greeted by Esme with a hug. 

“Some honeymoon, huh?” Jasper shook his head. Pigeon was asleep in the stetson on his lap and he stroked her back gently. 

“No Kidding.” I sank into the chair next to him. Edward sat on my other side and we all shared a collective moment of silence. 

“So…” I sighed.

“So…” Carlisle agreed. 

“Alice, how’s the head?” Emmett attempted to give the conversation direction. 

“There are so many blind spots. I don’t think it’s the dogs though.” She rubbed her temples.

“What do you mean?” Edward leaned in.

“It’s more than that. I can’t see Victoria at all. It’s as if someone else is making her decisions.”

“Lauerant, perhaps?” Edward rubbed his chin.

“No. He is with the Denalis. It seems one of your cousins has become keen on him.” Esme shook her head. “He was still there when we left this morning.” Edward assimilated the information with distaste but didn’t comment. He looked over at Carlisle and nodded at some unspoken thought.

“If it’s connected, things are more grave than we imagined.” Carlisle held Esme’s hand as he spoke. 

“If what’s connected?” I felt clueless. 

“There has been a rash of disappearances in Seattle.” Edward leaned back in his chair.

“Disappearances?” 

“And murders.” He said as if that was all the information I required. 

“What does that have to do with Victoria?” 

“I’m not sure yet.” Edward paused. “But we’re going to find out.” 

“We’ll leave immediately.” Carlisle rose from the table and Edward followed. I stood too but Edward shook his head no.

“Not you Beau.”

“Why not?”

“You have to stay here, by Bella. You’re the only one who will know if something happens.” 

“But-”

“We’ll be back by morning.” He touched my face softly and looked into my eyes.

_ Don’t worry. _

_ How can I not? _

_ It’s just one night. _

I crossed my arms and looked away. I was full of nerves and panic, I wanted Edward closer not farther away. How could he leave me now?

“Jasper, we’ll need you to accompany us. We may need to draw upon your past experience.” Carlisle interrupted my thoughts. 

“You don’t think…” Jasper became serious.

“You’ll know if I’m right.” Carlisle looked to the sky. “I pray I am not.” 

Jasper gently rolled Pigeon onto my lap and placed the stetson over his softly curling hair. She stirred and meowed at her nap being disturbed. Jasper tipped his hat to Alice and she smiled back. The three of them leapt from the porch and darted into the woods. They would make better time on foot. I stared after them.

“She’s in the garage.” I blinked and looked at Alice.

“What?”

“Rosalie.” 

“Okay?” 

“Go.” It was a soft demand but I knew Alice wasn’t one to be argued with when she had a premonition. I stood and stretched.

“Oh, let me play with the cat!” Emmett pleaded and reached for Pigeon. She fit inside one of his massive hands.

“Be gentle. She’s still little.” I nervously watched Emmett squish the cat to his face. 

“You worry too much. Cats always land on their feet.” He placed her on his head and attempted to balance her.

“Alice-”

“I’m on it.” She held up one hand. I headed towards the garage, satisfied that both Pigeon and Emmett had a babysitter. I opened the door into the empty room and narrowly dodged a wrench which clattered to the floor beside me.

“Hey!”

“Don’t ‘Hey’ me Beau!” She threw another tool. I ducked and it missed me. Did Alice send me in here to die?

“What the hell Ro!” 

“I’m mad at you!” She reached to the work bench and grabbed a giant set of pump pliers but didn’t throw it.

“I couldn’t tell.” She threw the pliers and I swatted it away. I needed to reign in my sass, this wasn’t Jacob after all. “Why are you mad at me?”

“Because! You are going to force me to make you hate me!” 

“What?” I couldn’t follow her at all.

Rosalie sat on the floor against the far wall. I crossed the cement floor and joined her. She didn’t look like herself. Her long hair was bunched on top of her head in a messy bun and she wore one of Emmett’s sweatshirts which eclipsed her entire frame. She laid her head on my shoulder.

“What’s going on Ro?” 

“You’re going to hate me.” 

“And why is that?”

“If I tell you, you’ll hate me.” She shoved me hard and I fell over. “And I hate that I even care if you hate me or not!”

“Wait you’re mad that you care about me?” I said righting myself.

“Among other things…” 

“Listen, it seems like you’re the only person who actually tells me everything. Don’t stop now, no matter what.” She looked up at me through her eyelashes and then down at her hands.

“I don’t care about Bella. I don’t care about any of this!” Rosalie threw her head back and cracked the wall. “And I know I seem calm now but I’m irate that Emmett even convinced me to be here.” This was calm?

“Okay…” I didn’t know what to say but I wanted her to keep going.

“This is the second time this year I feel like I’m risking everything because one of my stupid brothers loves a human that I don’t care about!” I laughed at her phrasing.

“When you put it like that, I think I can understand.” I slung an arm around her. “ You don’t have to love Bella, you don’t even have to like her…Hell, I’m not so happy with her myself...”

“But…”

“But I hope you love me enough to help me with this. I promise Ro, when it’s your turn to ask me a favor I won't hesitate, no questions asked, no matter how little I care about it.” 

“Fine.” She let out a huff. “See this is why I don’t get involved with humans. You’re so messy.” 

“First I’m an idiot and now I’m messy? I’m not even human anymore.”

“Beau Swan, you’re a tornado. Human or not.”

“Beau Cullen.”

“You know what I meant.” 

“I’m just saying, if you’re going to insult me-” She punched my chest and we both laughed. 

“Alright, Beau  _ Massen-Cullen _ .” She said sarcastically. “You’re a tornado.” 

“A real F5.” I sighed.

“Oh, please. Don’t be so dramatic. You’re a rope, not a wedge.” She laughed.

“What?” Her sentence sounded like nonsense to me.

“Nothing. It’s storm chaser jargon.”

“You’ve been storm chasing?” 

“Sure.” She shrugged. “We usually go every year. You can get really close when you aren’t scared to die.” She laughed to herself. “One time Emmett and Jasper got too caught up in a dare and we found them two counties over.” 

“And they were fine?” I couldn’t believe it.

“They may have lost a few brain cells, but they didn’t get hurt if that’s what you mean.” She patted my chest and stood up. “We’ll survive you, don’t worry.” We walked back towards the house and found everyone in the living room.

“What are you doing?” Emmett was standing on the couch in a striped shirt with an eye patch. Pigeon was perched on his shoulder in a little sweater with a feather design. 

“They’re pirates!” Alice squealed and took another picture. I had Alice watch Emmett but forgot to have someone watching Alice. I groaned and rubbed my face. Rosalie laughed and took the little kitten of Emmett’s shoulder. 

“Alice how could you!” She scolded. “This is not her color.” Rosalie pulled the sweater off and snuggled the cat to her chest. “Do you have anything in green?” 

“‘Do I have anything in green?’” Alice laughed and dumped out a box of tiny sweaters. When did she even have time to get those? I shook my head and looked into pigeon’s eyes.

_ Behave. No scratching.  _

She meowed back and began purring at Rosalie’s attention. I left them to it and headed into the kitchen. Esme was looking out the back window, folding and unfolding her hands.

“Nervous?” She jumped a little at my voice. 

“Just thinking, it’s been a long year.” She tried to smile but couldn’t. 

“It has.” 

“So much has changed.”

“Yes.”

“And it’s still changing.” I nodded at her and she turned to face me. “Do you think I’ve made the right decisions?”

“What do you mean?”

“For the family. I keep playing them over in my head: Encouraging Edward to come home, supporting your relationship so much, switching at the baseball field, changing you…” 

“You regret those things?” I felt a twinge of pain that she might not want me afterall. 

“No. And I feel selfish because I don’t.”

“I know you’ve heard me say this before but I don’t think you’re selfish for wanting all of us to be happy. That’s actually like the opposite of selfish, putting all of us first. I mean, you’re the backbone of this whole family.” She held my hand and we watched out the window in silence for an hour before she spoke again.

“Do you think we could have Christmas at your house? It will be pretty, with all the snow.” 

“That reminds me.” I went to the dining table where our bags were sitting. “I made this for you.” I handed her the large envelope. 

“For me?” She was always genuinely surprised and elated to get gifts.

“I didn’t know where to mail it.” Esme opened the seal carefully and slid the tiny booklet out.

“Did you make this?” She smiled.

“Yes. I was inspired by all the white roses on the ground in the backyard.” She opened to the cover and read aloud.

“Dedicated to my darling mother, from your Darling boy.” She pressed the book to her chest and looked at me with warm eyes. She continued reading the book and I was happy to have the memory of her voice as she went. I knew it would not dull over time, but be as sweet and loving forever. She closed the book and set it on the counter with the envelope. Once again we looked longingly out the window. 

“I think Christmas at our house would be nice.” I answered her earlier question.

“We can hang the stockings on the mantel.” She suggested.

“There’s plenty of trees to choose from out back.” 

“Yes. We’ll have to make sure to give Alice a gift limit.” She turned and looked into the living room. “Though, I don’t think anyone will agree to a gift limit for the newest family member.” 

I followed the direction of her gaze and saw they were all still playing with Pigeon.

“No, I can’t imagine they will.” 


	12. Ghosts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here we begin leaning back into conventional canon.... slightly

They returned just after dawn, breaking through the trees leisurely. Each one had the same tired and pained look on their face. Carlisle and Edward went directly to the office, asking not to be disturbed. Jasper disappeared into the house and Alice followed him. I heard the soft strum of a guitar as Alice returned to the kitchen where we were waiting.

“How bad is it?” Emmett asked what we were all wondering. 

“El Paso bad.” She pressed her lips together and sat on the counter. Emmett blew out a long breath and ran a hand through his tangled hair. 

“What’s going on?” What happened in El Paso? I couldn’t imagine anything good. They looked one to another before Alice spoke.

“I think it’s best to hear it from Jasper.” I went upstairs, following the music. I knocked lightly on the door and pushed it open. He was sitting in a chair by the window. I hadn’t spent much time in Alice and Jasper’s room. I looked over the giant wrought iron bed clad in a delicate canopy. Jasper continued to play and sing quietly to himself. 

“ Blacker than night were the eyes of Felina, Wicked and evil while casting a spell. My love was deep for this Mexican maiden; I was in love but in vain, I could tell.”

“Alice sent me.” He nodded but didn’t stop. I looked over the photos on the wall. Most were in black and white of horses, landscapes, and old buildings. I ran my hand over the glossy white dresser and touched the long gold pulls with my finger tips. It seemed strange that all these things sat pristine, empty. This house had once been filled by the Cullens, and later by me. Now it encased us, more of crypt than a home.

“I'm on the hill overlooking El Paso; I can see Rosa's cantina below. My love is strong and it pushes me onward. Down off the hill to Felina I go.” The song must be what Alice meant by El Paso. It was older than what Jasper usually preferred, some kind of Cowboy Ballad.

“Texas?” I pointed up at the photos. He nodded again and played on. He strummed the guitar lazily and I could feel the emptiness in his chest sprawl out into the room. 

“Something is dreadfully wrong for I feel A deep burning pain in my side. Though I am trying To stay in the saddle, I'm getting weary, Unable to ride.” His voice was heavy as he continued, the room filled with his burden of emotions. “I see the white puff of smoke from the rifle. I feel the bullet go deep in my chest.” He paused silently before finishing. “From out of nowhere Felina has found me, Kissing my cheek as she kneels by my side. Cradled by two loving arms that I'll die for, One little kiss and Felina, good-bye.” His voice was barely a whisper as the song closed. He set down the guitar and crossed his arms.

“I’m afraid it’s time for that ghost story.” 

“Your scars?” 

“There are only two things that leave a mark on a vampires skin: Werewolves teeth,” He pointed at my shoulder and then back at himself. His tone shifted when he spoke again. “And ours.” 

“All of those, they’re from other vampires?” 

“Thousands of them.” He said quietly. “When I told you I had a different upbringing from my siblings, that may have been an understatement.” 

“Okay.” 

“Before I tell you my story,” Jasper said, “you must understand that there are places in our world, Beau, where the lifespan of the never-aging is measured in weeks, and not centuries.”

“To really understand why, you have to look at the world from a different perspective. You have to imagine the way it looks to the powerful, the greedy . . . the perpetually thirsty.

“You see, there are places in this world that are more desirable to us than others. Places where we can be less restrained, and still avoid detection

.

“Picture, for instance, a map of the western hemisphere. Picture on it, every human life as a small red dot. The thicker the red, the more easily we — well, those who exist this way — can feed without attracting notice.”

“Not that the covens in the South care much for what the humans notice or do not. It’s the Volturi that keep them in check. They are the only ones the southern covens fear. If not for the Volturi, the rest of us would be quickly exposed.”

“The Volturi? The people in Carlisle’s picture?” 

“The same. They are a sort of governing body for vampires. Enforcing rules and such.”

“Vampires have rules?”

“We collectively agree to certain things in order to protect our identity.”

“What kind of things?”

“Well, not creating vampires who are too young. Not exposing vampires to the outside world. Not using our talents publicly. Things that would threaten our survival.” 

“How do they enforce stuff like that?”

“With force.” A dark look shadowed his face. I decided to move on.

“So, you were saying…”

“The North is, by comparison, very civilized. Mostly we are nomads here who enjoy the day as well as the night, who allow humans to interact with us unsuspectingly — anonymity is important to us all.

“It’s a different world in the South. The immortals there come out only at night. They spend the day plotting their next move, or anticipating their enemy’s. Because it has been war in the South, constant war for centuries, with never one moment of truce. The covens there barely note the existence of humans, except as soldiers notice a herd of cows by the wayside — food for the taking. They only hide from the notice of the herd because of the Volturi.”

“But what are they fighting for?” I asked.

Jasper smiled. “Remember the map with the red dots?”

He waited, so I nodded.

“They fight for control of the thickest red. You see, it occurred to someone once that, if he were the only vampire in, let’s say Mexico City, well then, he could feed every night, twice, three times, and no one would ever notice. He plotted ways to get rid of the competition.

“Others had the same idea. Some came up with more effective tactics than others. But the most effective tactic was invented by a fairly young vampire named Benito. The first anyone

ever heard of him, he came down from somewhere north of Dallas and massacred the two small covens that shared the area near Houston. Two nights later, he took on the much stronger clan of allies that claimed Monterrey in northern Mexico. Again, he won.”

“How did he win?” I asked with wary curiosity.

“Benito had created an army of newborn vampires. He was the first one to think of it, and, in the beginning, he was unstoppable. Very young vampires are volatile, wild, and almost impossible to control.”

“I wasn’t so bad was I?”

“One newborn can be reasoned with, taught to restrain himself, but ten, fifteen together are a nightmare. They’ll turn on each other as easily as on the enemy you point them at. Benito had to keep making more as they fought amongst themselves, and as the covens he decimated took more than half his force down before they lost.

“You see, though newborns are dangerous, they are still possible to defeat if you know what you’re doing. They’re incredibly powerful physically, for the first year or so, and if they’re allowed to bring strength to bear they can crush an older vampire with ease. But they are slaves to their instincts, and thus predictable. Usually, they have no skill in fighting, only muscle and ferocity. And in this case, overwhelming numbers.”

“The vampires in southern Mexico realized what was coming for them, and they did the only thing they could think of to counteract Benito. They made armies of their own. . . .”

“All hell broke loose — and I mean that more literally than you can possibly imagine. We immortals have our histories, too, and this particular war will never be forgotten. Of course, it was not a good time to be human in Mexico, either.”

“When the body count reached epidemic proportions — in fact, your histories blame a disease for the population slump — the Volturi finally stepped in. The entire guard came together and sought out every newborn in the bottom half of North America. Benito was entrenched in Puebla, building his army as quickly as he could in order to take on the prize — Mexico City. The Volturi started with him, and then moved on to the rest.

“Anyone who was found with the newborns was executed immediately, and, since everyone was trying to protect themselves from Benito, Mexico was emptied of vampires for a time.

The Volturi were cleaning house for almost a year. This was another chapter of our history that will always be remembered, though there were very few witnesses left to speak of what it was like. I spoke to someone once who had, from a distance, watched what happened when they visited Culiacán.” Jasper shuddered. I realized that I had never before seen him either afraid or horrified. This was a first.

“It was enough that the fever for conquest did not spread from the South. The rest of the world stayed sane. We owe the Volturi for our present way of life. But when the Volturi went back to Italy, the survivors were quick to stake their claims in the South. It didn’t take long before covens began to dispute again. There was a lot of bad blood, Vendettas abounded. The idea of newborns was already there, and some were not able to resist. However, the Volturi had not been forgotten, and the southern covens were more careful this time. The newborns were selected from the human pool with more care, and given more training. They

were used circumspectly, and the humans remained, for the most part, oblivious. Their creators gave the Volturi no reason to return.”

“The wars resumed, but on a smaller scale. Every now and then, someone would go too far, speculation would begin in the human newspapers, and the Volturi would return and clean out the city. But they let the others, the careful ones, continue. . . .” Jasper was staring off into space.

“That’s how you were changed.” My realization was a whisper.

“Yes,” he agreed. “When I was human, I lived down south of San Antonio, Texas. I was almost seventeen years old when I joined the Texas Rangers in 1861. I lied and told them I was twenty. I was tall enough to get away with it.

“My Ranger career was short-lived, but very promising. People always . . . liked me, listened to what I had to say. My father said it was charisma. Of course, now I know it was probably something more. But, for whatever the reason, I could talk all sorts of conflicts away. Convince wanted men to ride to the courts with me. I never had to use my gun, not once. When the Civil War started most Rangers went to join a side, or fell in with the state police. I remained a ranger though, our community was too small, too poor, to get caught up with the battles of the north. Besides, When it came to the war there was no talking anyone out of anything, but that’s blind southern pride for ya.”

“I remember one night very clearly. I was making rounds between two cattle towns, helping the local sheriff keep the peace. Just a mile outside the first town, I found three women on foot. I assumed they were lost, maybe crossing the desert from Mexico, and dismounted at once to offer them my aid. But, when I could see their faces in the dim light of the moon, I

was stunned into silence. They were, without question, the three most beautiful women I had ever seen.

“They had such pale skin, I remember marveling at it. Even the little black-haired girl, whose features were clearly Mexican, was porcelain in the moonlight. They seemed young, all of them, still young enough to be called girls. I knew they were not locals. I would have remembered seeing these three.”

“‘He’s speechless,’ the tallest girl said in a lovely, delicate voice — it was like wind chimes. She had fair hair, and her skin was snow white.

“The other was blonder still, her skin just as chalky. Her face was like an angel’s. She leaned toward me with half-closed eyes and inhaled deeply.

“‘Mmm,’ she sighed. ‘Lovely.’

“The small one, the tiny brunette, put her hand on the girl’s arm and spoke quickly. Her voice was too soft and musical to be sharp, but that seemed to be the way she intended it.

“‘Concentrate, Nettie,’ she said.

“I’d always had a good sense of how people related to each other, and it was immediately clear that the brunette was somehow in charge of the others. 

“‘He looks right — young, strong, a Ranger . . . ’ The brunette paused, and I tried unsuccessfully to speak. ‘And there’s something more . . . do you sense it?’ she asked the other two. ‘He’s . . . compelling.’

“‘Oh, yes,’ Nettie quickly agreed, leaning toward me again.

“‘Patience,’ the brunette cautioned her. ‘I want to keep this one.’

“Nettie frowned; she seemed annoyed.

“‘You’d better do it, Maria,’ the taller blonde spoke again. ‘If he’s important to you. I kill them twice as often as I keep them.’

“‘Yes, I’ll do it,’ Maria agreed. ‘I really do like this one. Take Nettie away, will you? I don’t want to have to protect my back while I’m trying to focus.’

“My hair was standing up on the back of my neck, though I didn’t understand the meaning of anything the beautiful creatures were saying. My instincts told me that there was danger, that the angel had meant it when she spoke of killing, but my judgment overruled my instincts. I had not been taught to fear women, but to protect them.

“‘Let’s hunt,’ Nettie agreed enthusiastically, reaching for the tall girl’s hand. They wheeled — they were so graceful! — and sprinted toward the town. They seemed to almost take flight, they were so fast — their white dresses blew out behind them like wings. I blinked in amazement, and they were gone.

“I turned to stare at Maria, who was watching me curiously.

“I’d never been superstitious in my life. Until that second, I’d never believed in ghosts or any other such nonsense. Suddenly, I was unsure.

“‘What is your name?’ Maria asked me.

“‘Jasper Whitlock, ma’am,’ I stammered, unable to be impolite to a female, even if she was a

Ghost.

“‘I truly hope you survive, Jasper,’ she said in her gentle voice. ‘I have a good feeling about you.’

“She took a step closer, and inclined her head as if she were going to kiss me. I stood frozen in place, though my instincts were screaming at me to run.” Jasper paused, his face thoughtful. “A few days later,” he finally said, “I was introduced to my new life.

“Their names were Maria, Nettie, and Lucy. They hadn’t been together long — Maria had rounded up the other two — all three were survivors of recently lost battles. Theirs was a partnership of convenience. Maria wanted revenge, and she wanted her territories back. The others were eager to increase their . . .herd lands, I suppose you could say. They were putting together an army, and going about it more carefully than was usual. It was Maria’s idea. She wanted a superior army, so she sought out specific humans who had potential. Then she gave us much more attention, more training than anyone else had bothered with. She taught us to fight, and she taught us to be invisible to the humans. When we did well,

we were rewarded. . . .” He paused, lost in memory again.

“She was in a hurry, though. Maria knew that the massive strength of the newborn began to wane around the year mark, and she wanted to act while we were strong. There were six of us when I joined Maria’s band. She added four more within a fortnight. We were all

male — Maria wanted soldiers — and that made it slightly more difficult to keep from fighting amongst ourselves. I fought my first battles against my new comrades in arms. I was quicker than the others, better at combat. Maria was pleased with me, though put out that she had to keep replacing the ones I destroyed. I was rewarded often, and that made me stronger.

“Maria was a good judge of character. She decided to put me in charge of the others — as if I were being promoted. It suited my nature exactly. The casualties went down dramatically, and our numbers swelled to hover around twenty.

“This was considerable for the cautious times we lived in. My ability, as yet undefined, to control the emotional atmosphere around me was vitally effective. We soon began to work together in a way that newborn vampires had never cooperated before. Even Maria, Nettie, and Lucy were able to work together more easily.

“Maria grew quite fond of me — she began to depend upon me. And, in some ways, I worshipped the ground she walked on. I had no idea that any other life was possible. Maria told us this was the way things were, and we believed.

“She asked me to tell her when my brothers and I were ready to fight, and I was eager to prove myself. I pulled together an army of twenty-three in the end — twenty-three unbelievably strong new vampires, organized and skilled as no others before. Maria was ecstatic.

“We crept down toward Monterrey, her former home, and she unleashed us on her enemies. They had only nine newborns at the time, and a pair of older vampires controlling them. We took them down more easily than Maria could believe, losing only four in the process. It was an unheard-of margin of victory.

“And we were well trained. We did it without attracting notice. The city changed hands without any human being aware. Success made Maria greedy. It wasn’t long before she began to eye other cities. That first year, she extended her control to cover most of Texas and northern Mexico. Then the others came from the South to dislodge her.” He brushed two fingers along the faint pattern of scars on his arm.

“The fighting was intense. Many began to worry that the Volturi would return. Of the original

twenty-three, I was the only one to survive the first eighteen months. We both won and lost. Nettie and Lucy turned on Maria eventually — but that one we won.

“Maria and I were able to hold on to Monterrey. It quieted a little, though the wars continued. The idea of conquest was dying out; it was mostly vengeance and feuding now. So many had lost their partners, and that is something our kind does not forgive. . . .”

“Like Victoria?” Jasper nodded and went on with his story.

“Maria and I always kept a dozen or so newborns ready. They meant little to us — they were pawns, they were disposable. When they outgrew their usefulness, wedid dispose of them. My life continued in the same violent pattern and the years passed. I was sick of it all for a very long time before anything changed . . .

“Decades later, I developed a friendship with a newborn who’d remained useful and survived his first three years, against the odds. His name was Peter. I liked Peter; he was . . . civilized — I suppose that’s the right word. He didn’t enjoy the fight, though he was good at it.

“He was assigned to deal with the newborns — babysit them, you could say. It was a full-time job. And then it was time to purge again. The newborns were outgrowing their strength; they were due to be replaced. Peter was supposed to help me dispose of them. We took them aside individually, you see, one by one . . . It was always a very long night. This time, he tried to convince me that a few had potential, but Maria had instructed that we get rid of them all. I told him no.

“We were about halfway through, and I could feel that it was taking a great toll on Peter. I was trying to decide whether or not I should send him away and finish up myself as I called out the next victim. To my surprise, he was suddenly angry, furious. I braced for whatever his mood might foreshadow — he was a good fighter, but he was never a match for me.

“The newborn I’d summoned was a female, just past her year mark. Her name was Charlotte. His feelings changed when she came into view; they gave him away. He yelled for her to run, and he bolted after her. I could have pursued them, but I didn’t. I felt . . . averse to destroying him.

“Maria was irritated with me for that . . .Five years later, Peter snuck back for me. He picked a good day to arrive. Maria was mystified by my ever-deteriorating frame of mind. She’d never felt a moment’s depression, and I wondered why I was different. I began to notice a change in her emotions when she was near me — sometimes there was fear . . . and malice — the same feelings that had given me advance warning when Nettie and Lucy struck. I was preparing myself to destroy my only ally, the core of my existence, when Peter returned.

“Peter told me about his new life with Charlotte, told me about options I’d never dreamed I had. In five years, they’d never had a fight, though they’d met many others in the north. Others who could co-exist without the constant mayhem.

“In one conversation, he had me convinced. I was ready to go, and somewhat relieved I wouldn’t have to kill Maria. I’d been her companion for as many years as Carlisle and Edward have been together, yet the bond between us was nowhere near as strong. When you live for the fight, for the blood, the relationships you form are tenuous and easily broken. I walked away without a backward glance.

“I traveled with Peter and Charlotte for a few years, getting the feel of this new, more peaceful world. But the depression didn’t fade. I didn’t understand what was wrong with me, until Peter noticed that it was always worse after I’d hunted.

“I contemplated that. In so many years of slaughter and carnage, I’d lost nearly all of my humanity. I was undeniably a nightmare, a monster of the grisliest kind. Yet each time I found another human victim, I would feel a faint prick of remembrance for that other life. Watching their eyes widen in wonder at my beauty, I could see Maria and the others in my head, what they had looked like to me the last night that I was Jasper Whitlock. It was stronger for me — this borrowed memory — than it was for anyone else, because I could feel everything my prey was feeling. And I lived their emotions as I killed them.

“For the first century of my life, I lived in a world of bloodthirsty vengeance. Hate was my constant companion. It eased some when I left Maria, but I still had to feel the horror and fear of my prey. It began to be too much. The depression got worse, and I wandered away from Peter and Charlotte. Civilized as they were, they didn’t feel the same aversion I was beginning to feel. They only wanted peace from the fight. I was so wearied by killing — killing anyone, even mere humans.

“Yet I had to keep killing. What choice did I have? I tried to kill less often, but I would get too thirsty and I would give in. After a century of instant gratification, I found self-discipline . . . challenging. I still haven’t perfected that.” Jasper was lost in the story, as was I. It surprised me when his desolate expression smoothed into a peaceful smile. I heard Alice and Edward come in the door behind me. 

“You remember what I told you, about Philadelphia? The emotions that were emanating from Alice were like nothing I’d ever felt before. When she first said my name I was convinced I’d never heard it spoken before. 

“‘You’ve kept me waiting a long time,’ she said.” 

“And you ducked your head, like a good Southern gentleman, and said, ‘I’m sorry, ma’am.’” Alice laughed at the memory. Jasper smiled up at her. 

“You held out your hand, and I took it without stopping to make sense of what I was doing. For the first time in almost a century, I felt hope.” Jasper took Alice’s hand as he spoke and pulled her into his lap.

Alice grinned. “I was just relieved. I’d been staking out the dinner all morning, waiting to make my big entrance.” They smiled at each other for a long moment, and then Jasper looked back to me, the soft expression lingering.

“Alice told me what she’d seen of Carlisle and his family. I could hardly believe that such an existence was possible. But Alice made me optimistic. So we went to find them.”

“Scared the hell out of them, too,” Edward said, rolling his eyes at Jasper before turning to me to explain. “Emmett and I were away hunting. Jasper shows up, covered in battle scars, towing this little freak” — he nudged Alice playfully — “who greets them all by name, knows everything about them, and wants to know which room she can move into.” Alice and Jasper laughed in harmony, soprano and bass.

“When I got home, all my things were in the garage,” Edward continued.

Alice shrugged. “Your room had the best view.” They all laughed together now.

“That’s a nice story,” I said. Three pairs of eyes questioned my sanity.

“I mean the last part,” I defended myself. “The happy ending with Alice.”

“Alice has made all the difference,” Jasper agreed. “This is a climate I enjoy.” But the momentary pause in the stress couldn’t last.

“An army,” Alice whispered. The others were intent again, their eyes locked on Jasper’s face.

“I tried to convince myself I must be interpreting the signs incorrectly. Because where is the motive? Why would someone create an army in Seattle? There is no history there, no vendetta. It makes no sense from a conquest standpoint, either; no one claims it. Nomads pass through, but there’s no one to fight for it. No one to defend it from. But as we walked around I knew.” He paused and wrung the back of his neck with the hand not holding Alice.

“I’ve seen this before, and there’s no other explanation. There is an army of newborn vampires in Seattle. Fewer than twenty, I’d guess. The difficult part is that they are totally untrained. Whoever made them just set them loose. It will only get worse, and it won’t be much longer till the Volturi step in. Actually, I’m surprised they’ve let this go on so long.”

“What can we do?” I asked.

“If we want to avoid the Volturi’s involvement, we will have to destroy the newborns, and we will have to do it very soon.” Jasper’s face was hard. Knowing his story now, I could guess how this evaluation must disturb him. “I can teach you how. It won’t be easy in the city. The young ones aren’t concerned about secrecy, but we will have to be. It will limit us in ways that they are not. Maybe we can lure them out.”

“Maybe we won’t have to.” Edward’s voice was bleak. “Does it occur to anyone else that the only possible threat in the area that would call for the creation of an army is . . . us?” No one spoke so Edward continued. “Alice you said it yourself, if Victoria is trying to recreate what happened then she’ll make certain the ending is different.”

“That’s one hell of a rewrite.”

“They’re not coming after us,” Alice insisted, and then paused. “Or . . . they don’t know that they are. Not yet.”

“What is that?” Edward asked, curious and tense. “What are you remembering?”

“Flickers,” Alice said. “I can’t see a clear picture when I try to see what’s going on, nothing concrete. But I’ve been getting these strange flashes. Not enough to make sense of. It’s as if someone’s changing their mind, moving from one course of action to another so quickly that I can’t get a good view. . . .”

“Indecision?” Jasper asked in disbelief.

“I don’t know. . . .”

“Not indecision,” Edward growled. “Knowledge. Someone who knows you can’t see anything until the decision is made. Someone who is hiding from us. Playing with the holes in your vision.”

“How would Victoria know that?” I couldn’t remember saying anything about Alice in the field. 

“Because of James.” Edward whispered.

“Our paths had crossed before, when I was new, I just didn’t know it.” Alice looked far away. “I can’t see the past like I can the future.” Jasper pulled her into his chest. 

“So, if Victoria is somehow behind all this why can’t we just alert the Volturi? Have them intervene.” 

“The Volturi are a very thorough enforcer.” Jasper said with gritted teeth.

“Meaning?”

“Meaning, if there is a conflict… they eliminate both sides.” Edward let the words sink in. 

“Then we deal with it ourselves.” 

“Easier said than done.”

“Jasper, you have all the knowledge we need.”

“We can’t reverse this decision if we make it Beau.”

“Do we have any other choice?” I looked to Alice who shook her head no. 

“We’ll need all the help we can get…” Jasper shared a concerned look with Edward.

“You don’t mean…”

“It’s the only way to ensure we have the numbers.” Edward groaned and flopped back on the bed. 

“Do you think you can try not to kill Jacob until this is over?” He looked over at me. I understood now, we needed to work with the wolf pack if we were going to save Bella. 

“I guess I’ll have to try.” 


	13. Negotiations

“It’s getting late, they aren’t coming.” I gripped the railing on the back porch.

“It’s only just eleven.” Edward leaned backwards next to my hands so we were facing. “You just need to focus on something else, pass the time.” He motioned to Jasper at the table behind me as an example. 

“Oh yes Beau,” Jasper remarked sarcastically. “I’m completely distracted.” He laid down another domino.

“Oh, I can think of better ways to pass the time….” I trailed off and ran a hand across Edward’s perfect chest.

“How can you think about that now?” 

“Edward, I never stop thinking about that.” I slid my hand up and around his neck, pulling him down into a kiss. My efforts were in vain.

“Ugh, get a room.” Rosalie stepped out onto the porch, Pigeon in hand. The spoiled cat had spent the night sleeping on Emmett’s stomach being intentionally rocked by low breathing. She headed into the yard and set Pigeon down to roam around. 

“Don’t let her wander off.” Edward was stern. 

“Stop worrying! Auntie Rosie will watch her.” Rosalie shifted her feet around and Pigeon lunged for her. 

“Auntie Rosie?” Edward’s lips curled and I hit his chest. Rosalie produced a tiny toy bird and placed it on the ground. Pigeon playfully batted it back and forth. 

“That’s not how you hunt Pidge!” Emmett came from the house and joined Rosalie in the grass. He took the little bird and tossed it off in the yard then, on all fours, pretended to stalk and catch it. I laughed uncontrollably as his massive body sprang the last few feet and snapped the one inch toy in his teeth. Even Edward couldn’t control himself faced with such absurdity and doubled over in a fit. Emmett threw the bird again and Pigeon joined him on the hunt. This time Pigeon caught the decoy and we all laughed and cheered.

“Now stop that!” Esme appeared behind us, hands on her hips. Carlisle stood behind her trying to hide his amusement. “We’ll have dead birds all over the house!” 

“Come on Esme, Pidge is a born huntress!” Emmett flexed his arms in a show of strength. We laughed again at his antics. 

“Dear, she wouldn’t be a proper Cullen if she couldn’t hunt.” Carlisle smoothed the back of Esme’s hair as he spoke. “And if she brings dead birds in the house I’m sure Emmett will volunteer to clean them all up, right Emmett?”

“Absolutely.” He nodded at Carlisle and then began playing with the cat again. Alice poked her head out of an open upstairs window. 

“They’re getting close.” She wrinkled her nose. “I can smell them.” 

“Well then get down here!” I shouted up to her with a smile. She returned it and leapt gracefully from the window. She flitted up to Jasper’s side but he pushed her away. 

“Oh no, little lady. You’re not helping me.” He pointed at her with a firm look.

“But Jasper!”

“I want to play dominos, not listen to you tell me I’m losing.”

“You are losing…” She crossed her arms. We could hear them rustling through the woods, approaching the house from behind. Jacob emerged first, scanning the lawn as he walked, Edward rolled his eyes at some silent thought from him. Bella pushed through next followed by a tall man I only half recognized. He had been there, that day at First Beach, but I couldn’t remember his name. 

“Sam.” Edward whispered sensing my question. 

“Hi Bella!” Alice waved excitedly.

“Hi Alice.” Bella smiled back. It was hard not to be fast friends with Alice, she was too warm. Trying to resist her would be as futile as passing by a fresh baked cookie cooling on the stovetop. 

“Well, we’re here. So let’s get on with it.” Jacob was as edgy and annoyed as yesterday. I resented having to ask Bella to bring him along, but we needed the help. They crossed the open yard and Pigeon hissed as they passed. 

“Good cat.” Edward smiled. Jacob snarled at Pigeon and Rosalie scooped her off the ground defensively, tucking the cat in her arms.

“Don’t let that mean dumb puppy scare you.” She cooed and carried her inside. Emmett stayed in the yard, placing himself offensively in regards to the visitors. 

“So,” Sam spoke with authority. “Why are we here?” I looked into his eyes and brought him up to speed. He took the information cautiously. 

“That certainly explains some things.” He said when I had finished. “We’ve had more and more youth phasing. At first I thought it was Beau’s…….accident.” Esme looked at me nervously.

_ Do you think they know the truth?  _

Her eyes pleaded. I looked to Edward who shook his head no. 

_ No. They don’t suspect anything. Just try to relax.  _

She nodded and weaved her arm around Carlisle’s. 

“But that should’ve only phased one or two at most.” Sam continued, unaware of our small aside. “If there really are as many as twenty this close… we need to act fast.”

“Twenty of them?” Jacob gestured to us disgusted.

“Not of us,” Jasper laid a domino down. “Of newborns. We’ll seem like sweet dreams by the time this is over.” 

“A bloodsucker is a bloodsucker, we’ll kill it.” Jacob sounded confident. Jasper looked up from the table and rose as he spoke. 

“Your arrogance will kill you before you even get the chance.” I felt absolute command flow out of Jasper. Jacob’s shoulders fell and I knew he felt it too. “You will need every ounce of training that I can provide, and even then, there are no guarantees.”

“Listen to him Jake, if the things Beau has shown me are true, then we have no room for error.” Sam turned and addressed Carlisle directly, leader to leader. “What you are asking will require a new treaty, new terms.” 

“What do you suggest?” Carlisle was ever calm. 

“We will work together against this so-called army,” Jacob growled lowly but Sam ignored him. “But when they are defeated, you will leave, and never return.” 

“Never?” The word was out of my mouth before I could stop it. Carlisle pressed his mouth in a thin line to silence me. 

“Phasing is a burden I want to end with me. When I think of my children, and their children, and on down I imagine a life full of joy, unmarked by the pain your kind brings. Our traditions can survive without this.” He sounded painfully wistful. “I want these things to be no more than old legends, told around campfires, by men with long gray hair.” Carlisle was thoughtful for a moment. Edward watched him with intense respecting eyes. 

“Interstate 5, do you know it?” Carlisle spoke after a minute. Sam nodded. “When this is over we will never travel west of it in this state again, you have my word. For the sake of your children, and there’s, we will become the stories you wish us to be.” 

“I will bring this to the elders. If they agree, we will be back at first light tomorrow.” He looked to Jasper. “For your training.” Carlisle nodded respectfully to Sam as he lunged, phased, and ran off into the trees. I waited for Jacob to follow. 

“So, what are we doing today?” Bella climbed the porch but Jacob remained in the yard. I locked eyes with him.

“What do you want to do?” Alice answered the question meant for me. 

“Umm, I don’t know. Beau?” Bella attempted to distract me from my standoff.

“What I want to do is watch Jake, turn around, and run along.” I made a circle in the air with my finger.

“Hey man, I said I’d bring her here. I didn’t say I’d leave her here.” He smiled like he had found some loophole in the deal. My muscles tensed and Carlisle interjected.

“Beau, why don’t you take Bella inside and get her a drink while you decide how to spend your afternoon?” It was spoken gently, with a lovely smile that only Carlisle’s manners could achieve. It was not a negotiable request however. I grabbed her hand and went into the house. I opened a cabinet and found that all of them were full of dishes I hadn’t known were there. It took a moment but I found a glass. 

“I made punch, it’s in the icebox Darling.” Esme said in passing as she moved to the living room to sit with Rosalie. The glass pitcher stood alone in the empty fridge, a sparkling pink. 

“What’s this?” I heard Bella shuffling paper lightly. I turned to see what she was holding. 

“Oh, that’s a book I made.”

“You made a book?” She flipped open the cover and read the dedication. “For her?” She raised her head and motioned it towards Esme. 

“Yeah,” I smiled and traded her, the book for the glass. “She likes roses.” 

“You call her mom?” She took a sip.

“Yes.” 

“Interesting.” She said with an inflection I didn’t care for. I saw Esme tuck a strand of hair behind her ear and shift her weight on the couch. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” 

“I mean, you already had one.” 

“And what a Grade-A mother we both know she was.” I tried keeping my tone even, knowing that Jacob could hear us from outside. “The Cullens are my family now too. If you expect me to play nice with Jacob, then you better be nice to them as well because from where I’m standing you can’t afford to not have them help us.” 

“You’re right, I’m sorry. It’s just hard to see you so happy with them… I wish you could’ve been this happy when it was just us.” 

“Me too.” I paused and tried to consider how much she seemed to be hurting from this. Wasn’t it enough to see me happy now? I didn’t understand why she felt this way, But I didn’t want to fight about it. “We can make up for lost time, though, once this is over.” 

“Yeah, that would be nice.” She took a long drink from the glass. 

“Do you want to meet Pigeon?” 

“Pigeon?” 

“Yeah, come on.” I took her hand again and dragged her into the living room. We sat on the floor and Rosalie set the cat down. Pigeon hobbled over and climbed into Bella’s lap, purring and pushing her head trying to get attention. 

“She likes you.” 

“Probably because I’m warm.” Rosalie glared at Bella’s comment but kept any snarky replies to herself. Bella mocked a claw with her hand and baited Pigeon by tickling her stomach.

“Oh be careful she-” The word bites was too slow to exit my mouth. Pigeon’s mouth came down around Bella’s hand, breaking the skin. The scent flooded the room instantly and I could focus on nothing else. A wildfire ripped open in my whole body.

Suddenly, a cold extinguishing wave washed over me breaking my concentration. I looked and saw a hand clasping a crystal glass and behind it Esme’s anxious face. I blinked hard and grabbed my thirst firmly by the throat, choking it back into submission. 

“What the…” Bella looked down at her hand where she had been holding the glass and then over at me. The single second hadn’t played in agonizing slow motion for her. 

“Excuse Beau, he needs to change.” Esme grabbed me by the collar and hauled me up the stairs before Bella finished processing the words. I heard the others rushing into the room, including Jacob demanding to know what happened. Esme tossed me into the couch and locked the door behind us. 

“Beau?” She waited to see if I had finished overcoming the moment.

“I’m good. I’m good. Golden.” I took in the biggest breath I could, desperate to fill my senses with any other smell. The scent of our old room suddenly made my distractible mind nostalgic. I could smell Edward and myself. I looked at the empty shelves as the traces of old books and vinyl records found my nose. 

“Darling?”

“How are we never going to come back here?” I looked at her with sad eyes and she joined me on the couch.

“There are many houses we have lived in, and many more that someday we will.” She laid a gentle hand on my arm. “I know this house means quite a bit to you, but we’ll take the memories with us. And more importantly we will take each other.” 

I knew she was right but my heart still felt heavy at the thought of leaving. Forks is where Edward and I met, where we had our first kiss, where I woke up as a newborn, it’s where I thought we’d get married. This house was the bridge between my lives, could I really set it on fire? The irony that I wanted to cling to a place I never wanted to come to was not lost on me. I heard a light knock on the door and someone try the handle. I knew it was Bella by the sound her footsteps had made up the stairs. 

“Can you do this?” Esme was hesitant to open the door. I nodded and she unlatched the knob and waved Bella in. “I’ll just be in the hall.” 

“Okay.” I nodded. Esme moved to leave and Bella caught her hand.

“I wanted to say thank you, I guess you really saved my skin.” 

“Don’t fret, Beau won’t hurt you,” Esme looked back at me with a disciplinary stare. “Isn’t that right?” 

“Right.” I crossed my heart with a finger. 

“Just in the hall.” She reminded me once more before disappearing. Bella leaned against the door frame. 

“I’m sorry, I promise to be more careful.” I laughed at her and shook my head. 

“ _ I’m  _ sorry and _ I’ll  _ be more careful.” She let out her breath and smiled. 

“Carlisle put some kind of bleeding quick-stop goop on so it shouldn’t be too bad.” 

“He’s a good doctor.” 

“A handsome doctor.”

“Ew, don’t be gross. That’s like my dad.” I wrinkled my nose but remembered that I had a mutual feeling towards the good doctor the first time we met. 

“You still have one of those too, you know.” Bella picked at her nails. I was doing my best to pretend I wasn’t angry with her, not to fight about things, and yet she seemed unable to jab me whenever possible. 

“How is Charlie?”

“How do you think he is? He’s sad, Beau.”

“Not too sad to fish.” I tried to joke.

“Billy doesn his best to keep him distracted.” Bella deflected my attempt at humor. 

“That’s good.”

“Sorry about your shirt.” I looked down at the pink stained cloth. 

“No worries.” I pulled the shirt off and tossed it into the wastebasket. I crossed the floor to the closet where our bags were. 

“Your tattoo, it’s still there.” Bella abandoned holding up the wall and touched my back. 

“Yeah, some bad mistakes don’t go away. No matter what.” I laughed lightly. 

“Oh my god.” Her hand ran to my shoulder. “Is this from…” 

“Jacob?” I said roughly. She dropped her hand and moved to sit on the couch. I grabbed a long black sleeve shirt with the Antigonish County Fire Department logo. I put it on and took a seat next to her on the couch. 

“I can’t believe he did that.” 

“You know I’m not even mad at him anymore for it.”

“Oh, really?” She rolled her eyes.

“I’m not, not at him biting  _ me _ at least.”

“Then why do you act so mean to him?”

“Because he didn’t want to kill me,” My voice hardened as I spoke. “He wanted to kill Edward.” I felt myself become overwhelmed by emotions. Esme shifted her weight outside the door and I knew she was tensing. It was a warning to me. “I need some air.” 

I left the room and headed downstairs. When I saw Jacob waiting by the banister my anger doubled and I bolted out the back door. Alice was off in the grass on the far side of the lawn laying out a blanket. 

“She thought they may want lunch.” Edward walked up behind me and set a hand on my back.

“Way out there?” I pointed.

“I thought you may appreciate a little space.” He led me to the swing and we sat down. He pushed us slowly with his feet. Bella exited the house with Jacob and I did my best to smile at her. 

“Sorry to take off, I think I just caught another whiff of your hand or something.” 

“It’s okay.” She forced a smile back. Both of us silently agreed to buy the lie and move on. They crossed the lawn and I watched as Alice did a grand reveal of their picnic. 

“It wouldn’t be so difficult if he left. You’re doing your best Beau.”

“My best feels like it’s pretty bad.”

“It only feels that way.” He let out a sigh. “I would’ve had Jacob in pieces by now if I were in your position… in fact he still may meet that fate.” His teeth gritted together.

“We have to play nice. It’s about more than Bella now. If we don’t handle this Jasper says the Voulturi will, and handle us in the process.”

“I know, but I can dream..” Edward pulled me into his side and I rested my head on his shoulder. I closed my eyes and tried to focus on the way the sun felt, on the sound of Edward humming, but I could still hear them.

“I think we should leave after lunch. He can’t handle this.” 

“Maybe  _ you  _ should leave after lunch so he has the chance.” 

“Bella don’t start this again. You cannot ask me to leave you here.” There was a pain in his voice at the thought. I ignored it, not willing to understand or empathize with him. 

“I saw the scars… I saw what you did to him…”

“I already apologized for that. I was angry.”

“You could’ve killed him.”

“I know you don’t like hearing it but that is not your brother anymore babybel,” Babybel? His cute name for her was cheese? 

“He’s one of them now. I mean he’s not even human, Look what happened in the living room!” 

I pulled my knees up to my chest and leaned harder into Edward as if there was a way for him to wrap me up completely, Shielding me from their conversation. I waited to see if Bella would defend me. 

“He didn’t hurt me.”

“Yeah but he wanted to! I mean he wanted to kill you and literally drink your blood. Did Beau ever do that? No. This guy might have been Beau, but now…. Now he’s a monster. I won't apologize for almost killing something that shouldn’t even be alive.” 

“Jacob!”

“No. We had this talk when you found out about me, and the pack. I told you if you couldn’t accept it, we had to walk away. The Cullens, and all the bloodsuckers like them are the enemy. Don’t let them convince you it’s me.” 

“I don’t understand why anyone has to be…”

“Because that’s the way it is, good and evil. Bella tell me you’re still with me?” 

“Of course I am. I love you Jake.”

Edward slipped out from under me and, by the time I opened my eyes, had moved to where they were sitting.

“Enough. It’s time for you to leave.” His voice did little to disguise his tightly bound rage. Jacob jumped up, ready to go.

“What, no… we just barely got here.” Bella protested. “Beau wants me here, why do you want to make me leave!” 

“You think he can’t hear you? You think I’m going to sit by and let you speak like this about him?” Her eyes widened and she looked over his shoulder. 

“I didn’t…”

“What? Want him to hear?” Edward’s voice hitched up, his rage coming unbound. “I apologize that you didn’t get to slander your brother without his knowledge. I’m sure he will take great comfort in the fact that your words were only meant to be spoken behind his back.” He turned to Jacob. “You, however, I have no such apology for. As you knew perfectly well what you were doing.” 

“You knew he could hear us?” Bella looked at Jacob wounded.

“I just wanted him to know what you really thought. Where you really stood. That you’re on my side.” She had no time to reply before Edward spoke again. 

“Leave. Now. We will see you tomorrow.” Jacob grabbed Bella’s hand and pulled her, stunned, into the woods. Edward rejoined me on the porch.

“You shouldn’t have done that.” I whispered.

“I will not have anyone, regardless of relation, come into my home and proceed to treat my family, MY HUSBAND, in such a manner!” His anger reached its peak and he crushed the metal handle as he opened the door to go inside. I leaned back and closed my eyes.

_ Bella? _

_ Beau, listen I am- _

_ I think it’s best if you stay with Jacob from now on _

_ Beau don’t- _

_ I know now that he won't hurt you, but I don’t think he is going to stop making us hurt each other. _

_ That’s not fair. Jacob is not doing this on purpose. It’s the treaty and- _

I opened my eyes, filled with anger. Not doing this on purpose? He just admitted to doing this on purpose, right to her face! I rubbed my forehead until I found the strength to move past the anger. I remembered what Jacob had shown me about imprinting. She was as devoted to him as he was to her. I was devoted to someone too, I reminded myself. Devotion wasn’t such a bad thing, we just choose opposite ends on the magnet. I took a deep breath and dropped my eyelids as I exhaled.

_ Bella stop, I don’t want to fight anymore. Or pretend to make up when we’re both still mad. We’re going in circles. _

_ I won’t leave Jacob. _

_ I’m not asking you to. In fact, I’m happy you have someone, even if it is him. That you can grow old with someone and get to love them, the way I love Edward. _

_ I do love him Beau. _

_ And he loves you _

_ Yes _

_ I hope you know I still love you too. No matter what, for forever. _

_ I love you too. I just wish you could be different. _

_ I wish I could change your mind about me, I wish you could see I’m not so bad. _

_ Not so bad? You’re a… a… _

_ Cold hearted blood sucking monster? _

_ Beau.  _

_ I mean, that’s what you said on the lawn. _

_ All I know is ever since you changed, you’ve been different _

_ Different isn’t bad Bells, it’s just different. _

_ I’m not so sure. Besides, you never let me spend enough time with you to find out. _

_ Why is it my job to convince you? I’m still Beau, and I still love you, and who I am hasn’t changed. What more is there?  _

_ I just want you to be my brother again!  _

_ That’s the thing Bells, I never stopped.  _

I opened my eyes and looked into the sky like Carlisle had done so often in quiet contemplation. In the absence of a better idea, I went to the greenhouse and shut myself inside. My mind was racing through too many thoughts at once and I felt dizzy.

This was it, wasn’t it? The crux of our relationship. There was no way to make her understand and I was done trying. I had been wrong when I told her the reason things fell apart is because we had tried to do them separately. It was because we had become two strangers, trying to convince one another to be a version of ourselves that no longer existed. Her unwillingness to see me the way I wanted to had hurt me, but I had done the same to her.  I thought hard about the person Bella had become. She seemed outgoing, confident, and resilient. She wasn’t an anxious little girl anymore and she didn’t need me. I loved Bella, she was my sister, but she was no longer my everything. 

I remembered what Carlisle had once told me:  _ A carefully considered balance between your world and hers could make all the difference in the longevity of your relationship _ . I knew the terms of that balance and relationship were now being renegotiated. I knew now the only way to bring us closer together was to accept the separation Carlisle hinted at all along. We had to find a way forward, a compromise.

I looked up through the greenhouse glass and squinted at the sun. 


	14. Faith

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Sometimes a Kudo, or a hit, or a comment provides enough motivation for an entire day worth of writing. I have more chapters sitting in the edit pile that I hope to release soon! Stay Warm!

The door opened and closed behind me. I didn’t move, choosing to look at the dead vines on the trellis. 

“You were right.” I sighed.

“I know.” 

“Why didn’t you just tell me, I’m sure you knew how it would end.” 

“There is a time to teach someone, and a time when it is necessary to wait for them to learn.” 

“What a struggle you must’ve had waiting for me.” I laughed and Carlisle laughed too. 

“It was an ordeal to behold, but I made certain you had the correct safety nets in place.”

“I wish I had your intelligence.”

“It is a beautiful burden.” He stood shoulder to shoulder with me, admiring the vines. I studied his face as the moment settled between us. Carlisle’s face was always contemplative, his full lips slightly pursed, his broad shoulders pulled back. 

“I’m sorry again, for wrecking everything.” 

“Do you know what the strongest test of character is for a person?”

“No.”

“The way they use their agency. You freely choose actions which uplift those around you, to put others ahead of yourself. You have a spirit of charity surpassed only by our dear Esme.” He said her name with solemn admiration, as if the word itself was a prayer. 

“You really think so?” 

“I’ve hardly known Rosalie to smile so much, or Jasper to speak. You’ve filled a space in Esme’s heart she had no knowledge of being vacant. And Edward!” 

“I don’t think I get too many points for Edward, I’m sure falling in love makes everyone better.”

“It’s far more than that. I have known and loved Edward as a son since the day he came into my life. He has always been such a melancholy, encumbered boy. He believed that his soul was lost and that he was barred from experiencing a world wherein love and redemption could be attainable. The lies Jacob spoke earlier were the very truth of Edward’s existence for nearly a hundred years.”

“But he couldn’t possibly-”

“He could, and he did. He fought with an unwavering resolution for your humanity since Alice’s first vision. He wept tearlessly for hours as he held you and you changed. He said to me ‘I’ve stripped an angel of his wings’.” I felt sick listening to his words. 

“From the moment you awakened he struggled to reconcile his feelings. You see, Beau, you turned Edward’s world on its axis. If he was to continue to subscribe to the abhorrence of what he believed we were, then he would have to condemn you to that worldview as well. That, he could not do.” Carlisle paused and waited for me to look over at him. 

“What I say next, I say as the son of an old brimstone preacher: Edward was christened by your death and, through your love, was saved from the damnation of his own mind. I have no words which are sufficient to express the deep gratitude I have for you. For the things you have brought my son, and my family.” Carlisle folded me into a hug. I thought of the lighthouse, Rosalie was right about the difference between knowing and believing. I hugged Carlisle back and fiercely believed in his words. We parted and he rested his hands on my shoulders.

“Carlisle, how come you say I uplift people but all I ever do is hurt Bella?” 

“Is it possible Beau, that in your endeavors to protect Bella, you have begun treating her differently?” 

“Well of course I have...don’t I-”

“She didn’t ask to be protected, Beau. She didn’t ask to be treated differently. You bring people joy by being yourself, not by being what you think they need.”

“I think, she thinks who I am died.” 

“ _Death ends a life, but it does not end a relationship, which struggles on in the survivor’s mind toward some final resolution, some clear meaning, which it perhaps never finds_ _._ ” He quoted thoughtfully.  Carlisle clasped his arms behind his back and walked to the door. 

“Who said that?”

“A Mister Gene Garrison.” I had no idea who that was, but I thought about the words. A life had ended that night, an old life, and now I had a new one. Bella had a new one too. Could I really expect her to move forward as if nothing had happened? Perhaps there was a difference between a life ending and someone dying. Maybe there are many things which end a life, and there was no way to stop someone from mourning them. Our relationship existed in our minds only now, it was time to make one in our reality. 

“Beau, may I offer you some advice?” Carlisle interrupted my inner monologue. 

“Always.” 

“There is another relationship here that needs mending. One to which harmony can more easily be restored.”

“Huh?”

“It may be prudent to, as the kids would say, Kiss and Make up.” He laughed and left. The setting sun washed him in a pink light as he strolled through the yard. He motioned with two fingers for me to follow him. 

I focused on the sound the grass made beneath my boots. I kicked them off and stripped out of my socks as well. The ground was soft and slightly damp. I needed a plan, something larger than just saying the words  _ I’m sorry _ . I passed Alice in the kitchen.

“Hey Alice how far away would I have to go to not be heard?” 

“What do you mean?” 

“Like where would you go if you wanted-“ 

“Ugh Beau!” Her face soured as she got a vision. “Why would you make me see that!” 

“It’s your mind why did it jump there!” 

“ _ Your  _ mind jumped there.  _ Mine  _ just had the poor fortune of being strapped into the front row seats!” 

“I just want some privacy to talk.” 

“Sure.” 

“Alice where-“ She looked me in the eyes and showed me a place. “Thank you!” I hollered as I climbed the stairs. Edward was laying on the couch, holding a pillow over his face with an arm. I knelt beside him and took off his shoes. 

“Come with me.” He lifted the pillow slightly and peered at me with one eye. “Please, come with me.” 

He stood in silence and let himself be led to the window. I stepped out of the house and he followed in my descent. He shifted his feet and curled his toes into the grass. I began running south, waiting to see the place from Alice’s mind. 

I heard a bullfrog and knew we were getting close. The trees broke and we were at the edge of a small lake. The moon glinted in the still water’s surface. 

“What are we doing here?” 

“I should have said thank you.” 

“For what?” 

“For defending me. I should’ve said thank you.” Edward pulled me into his arms and looked down at me. 

“I will always defend you, protect you. There is nothing I wouldn’t do for you.” 

“I know.” I rested my head against his chest and he kissed my hair. “I owe you an apology too.” 

“Beau, you don’t owe me-“ 

“I do. I’ve made some choices trying to make sure Bella was taken care of that I know haven’t been easy for you… that hurt you.” 

“They didn’t-“ 

“Stop interrupting me.” I laughed.

“Alright, alright.” 

“I know they did. I hate that I spent so much time trying to fix a relationship that doesn’t exist anymore. I know now that I have to find a way to build a whole new one with her. And I really want to, I want to find a way to keep her in my life, I just don’t know what that looks like yet.” 

“If you want to, then you will.” 

“I hope I never made you feel like I put anyone or anything above you. I just didn’t know how… I was really bad at…” I couldn’t find how to say what I was thinking. I took a deep breath and abandoned the thought. “Edward, you’re like the sun at the center of my universe and I spend my days just wildly spinning around you just grasping at all your bright, warm love.” 

“Suns most commonly sit at the center of solar systems, which nest inside galaxies, which make up the larger concept of the knowable universe…” He gestured his words with his hand. 

“Edward.”

“You’re the center of my universe too.” 

“I love you Edward Cullen.” 

“I love you Beau Massen Cullen.” He smiled down at me. “Come with me.” 

“Where?” I laughed.

“I don’t believe I asked you any questions.” He pulled me closer to the water's edge. “Arms up.” 

“Why-“

“Stop interrupting me.” Edward mocked me. I raised my arms and he lifted my shirt over my head. I reached for his buttons and he stopped me. “I think you’ve proven that buttons are the oil to your water.” He undid the buttons quickly and moved on to our pants. Soon we were in nothing but boxers. 

“What now?” I breathed. 

“A swim.” He jumped into the lake and swam out. 

“A swim?” 

“It calms you.” He pushed his wet copper hair back. 

“How do you know me so well?” I walked into the water and next to him. 

“I am a very dedicated astronomer.” He smiled and the moonlight danced off his cheekbones. I wrapped my legs around his waist and laid my head on his chest. Edward moved slowly, spinning us through the tepid water.

“Are you sad we’ll have to leave?” He stopped moving and was thoughtful for a moment. 

“No. We will take the memories with us. ” He sunk so that just our heads were above the water line.

“Yeah, Esme said something like that.” I sighed and he sensed I was displeased with his answer. 

“There are many changes that happen over time. All places that you have been, you will never be able to visit in a hundred years time.”

“How come?”

“Because they will all be different. You can stand on the exact street where you stood fifty, even thirty, years prior and be in a whole new place. This lake for instance, will never be this lake again, the way it is tonight.” 

“All things change, and we change with them.” I quoted Carlisle's wedding speech. 

“Yes.” Edward smiled. “But, there is beauty in immortality, in the ever changing world we inhabit. I’ll admit I never saw it before I met you.”

“And what is that?”

“If the world is always changing, then I will never run out of places to explore with you.”

“More road trips then?” I teased. 

“If it pleases you.” He rolled his eyes. 

“You please me.” 

“Do I?” He arched an eyebrow and pulled us closer.

“I think you know you do.” 

“It’s very lovely to hear, all the same.” 

“Do I please you? I mean, not like today cause we have been fighting…” Edward slapped the water with his hand and splashed me.

“Beau, you know no limit for foolishness! We have never fought.” He made funny face, trying to dissipate the tension. 

“Oh really?” I laughed.

“Honestly, we’ve had mild miscommunications at most. I mean, for pity’s sake have I ever thrown a metal wrench at you!” He smiled and winked. 

“How did you know about that?” 

“Rosalie thought about it when Jacob was here. Apparently if he is mean to Pidgeon again, he has the possibility of suffering the same fate.” 

“Good.” 

“Now, to answer your earlier question, yes Beau, you do please me. Very much so.” We smiled at each other before he continued. “When you aren’t being perfectly dense that is.” 

“Perfectly dense?!” I jumped and pushed his head under water. “How’s this for perfectly dense!” He laughed and pushed me backwards. The ripples lapped against the shore and he swam to me. I was still laughing when he kissed me roughly, changing the tone. I looked into his blazing wild eyes, they were golden like a thick clover honey. It wasn’t mine or Alice’s brain after all that had prompted the vision. I smiled and kissed him back. 

I laid on my stomach with my cheek resting on my hands, facing Edward. He laid next to me stretched out through the grass, looking dreamily towards the sky. A few straggling water droplets pooled on his throat and chest. 

“Do you smell that?” He tilted his chin slightly, motioning to the sky.

“Smell what?”

“Snow.” He inhaled deeply and a few of the water droplets were dislodged. I felt sorry for them, to have to leave the touch of his skin.

“How do you smell snow?” 

“Don’t you smell it?”

“No.” It was half a laugh and half a word. 

“It’s as if the air is pulled tight, frozen. It’s crisp and your ears prickle, as if they could hear the cold snapping of moisture freezing.” I took a moment and smelled the air, waiting for my ears to prickle.

“I got nothing.”

“Perhaps it’s something you learn to spot in your human years, when you live in cold climates.” He smiled and rolled onto his side. His fingers traced my spine up to my neck.

“Well that explains it. Not much snow to smell in Arizona.” 

“Do you ever take this off?” He spun the little golden cross which was hanging off my neck backwards.

“I haven’t yet. I guess things have been hitting so fast I haven't had much time to even think about it.” He set the cross down and began running a fingertip along the lines of my tattoo.

“Things have been snowballing since your birthday it seems.” He kissed my back and continued to run his hand over my shoulders, stopping on my scar. “Do you regret the choices you’ve made? Now that you know the outcomes?”

“No.”

“You said that rather quickly.”

“You want me to have to think about it?”

“I suppose not.” He smiled.

“Edward, this is one year. One of like limitless years.”

“Mmm. That’s true, what are your plans for the ‘limitless years’?” I rolled onto my side and faced him. 

“Well, After this is over. I want to go home, lock the doors, and not be seen or heard from again.” I kissed the corner of his mouth.

“Ever? What will we do to pass the time?” 

“Each other.” 

“Vulgar.” Edward frowned.

“Then you’re against the idea?” I raised an eyebrow.

“Not at all.” He leaned in and we kissed once more. The time for talking was over. 

The sun would be up in a few hours and, if everything went according to plan, the pack would arrive for training. We dressed reluctantly, neither one of us quite ready to break the bubble we had lived in for the night. Edward took my hand and we walked through the woods. 

What would I say to Bella when I saw her? Would she resent me for what I had said yesterday? I had a lot of apologizing to do.

I felt cold wet droplets run down my cheek. For a moment I thought I was crying, releasing the tension my mind had built. I opened my eyes to see the smallest puffiest flakes of snow drift through the air. They were so light, like soft waves of cotton floating down. I looked closely and studied their crystalline form. Edward pulled me closer and wrapped an arm around my shoulders. I looked up and he tapped his nose. 

After an hour of walking he stopped us a mile or so from the house. He turned and stood directly in front of me, placing a hand on each side of my face. He kissed me deeply and then looked into my eyes.

_ I know you can do this. _

_ How do you know? _

_ I believe in you. _

I scoffed and rolled my eyes. Edward held firm to my face and forced me to look at him.

_ It’s not blind faith Beau, I’ve seen all the amazing things you’ve done. I’ve seen the things you’ve overcome by simply willing yourself to. You’re the strongest person I know.  _

_ It’s only because of you. Being with you makes me want to be the best version of me possible.  _

_ I share that sentiment completely.  _

_ Then let’s do this.  _

_ Let’s.  _

_ And then we can go home, maybe break in that porch swing, watch a couple sunrises. _

I raised an eyebrow and he smiled back at me while responding.

_ Sounds like heaven.  _

He leaned in and kissed my forehead before once again taking my hand. We walked slowly towards the house and watched the soft snow swirl around us. 


	15. Training

We walked into the backyard, and found the family waiting for our guests to arrive. They were all dressed in casual clothes; hoodies, jeans, short sleeve shirts. Esme and Rosalie had their hair braided back and up. I would finally fit in with them, if only for a day.

“Hurry and get dressed, they’re arriving soon.” Esme half scolded. It would be rude to welcome people to our home with dirty clothes. We headed inside and I watched Edward change. He left his normal more formal clothes on the hangers and grabbed one of my gray hoodies instead. It was unfair that even in my clothes he looked like a model. 

“Beau, get dressed.” 

“I’m distracted…” I watched him pull up his jeans and button them. 

“Then I’ll have to remove this distraction at once.” He kissed my temple and leapt from the window. I complained but he didn’t return. I undressed quickly and pulled on a fitted pair of track pants. A deep weight anchored me into the floor as I peered into the closet. If I chose a shirt then I would have to go outside, and outside I’d have to face things. I stood there as long as possible.

“Beau!” Esme called nervously. I grabbed a short sleeve shirt the same brand as my pants and pulled it on as I jumped out the window. 

“When will our guests arrive?” Carlisle asked Edward.

Edward concentrated for a moment, and then sighed. “A minute and a half. But I’m going to have to translate. They don’t trust us enough to use their human forms.”

Carlisle nodded. “This is hard for them. I’m grateful they’re coming at all.”

A strange gleam came into Edward’s eyes, as though something had just occurred to him, something that was not altogether unpleasant. “Prepare yourselves — they’ve been holding out on us.”

“What do you mean?” Alice demanded.

“Shh,” he cautioned, and stared past her into the darkness underneath the looming wooded canopy.

“Damn,” Emmett muttered under his breath. “Did you ever see anything like it?”

I froze where I was, my interaction with Jacob in wolf form had been less than pleasant. There were so many emotions fighting for dominance in my chest that I felt empty as I looked out. Esme and Rosalie exchanged a wide-eyed glance.

“The pack certainly has grown,” Edward murmured into my ear.

The emotions waned away as I watched the wolves come onto the lawn. I’d forgotten how very tall the wolves were. Like horses, only thick with muscle and fur — and teeth like knives, impossible to overlook. An image of each of them lunging for Edward the way Jacob had played on a tortured loop in my mind. Only one thing was left in my chest now, fury. 

Carlisle took a slow, deliberate step forward. It was a careful movement, designed to reassure.

“Welcome,” he greeted the wolves. They finished filling the clearing and I saw Bella’s face peeking out from behind Jacob’s shoulder. She kept her eyes down.

“Thank you,” Edward responded in a strange, flat tone, and I realized at once that the words came from Sam. Edward spoke again in the same detached voice, speaking Sam’s words. “We will watch and listen, but no more. That is the most we can ask of our self-control.”

“That is more than enough,” Carlisle answered. “My son Jasper” — he gestured to where Jasper stood, tensed and ready — “has experience in this area. He will teach us how they fight, how they are to be defeated. I’m sure you can apply this to your own hunting style.”

“How different are they from you?” Edward asked for Sam.

“They are all very new — only months old to this life. Children, in a way. They will have no skill or strategy, only brute strength. Tonight their numbers stand at twenty. Ten for us, ten for you — it shouldn’t be difficult. The numbers may go down. The new ones fight amongst themselves.”

A rumble passed down the shadowy line of wolves, a low growling mutter that somehow managed to sound enthusiastic.

“We are willing to take more than our share, if necessary,” Edward translated, his tone less indifferent now.

Carlisle smiled. “We’ll see how it plays out.”

“Do you know when and how they’ll arrive?”

“They’ll come across the mountains in four days, in the late morning. As they approach, Alice will help us intercept their path.” This was news to me. Something must’ve changed in Alice’s visions while we were away.

“Thank you for the information. We will watch.” With a sighing sound, they laid on the ground one by one. Bella sat too and leaned against Jacob’s side.

It was silent for two heartbeats, and then Jasper took a step into the empty space between the vampires and the wolves. Jasper threw a wary glance toward Edward, who nodded, and then Jasper turned his back to the werewolves. He sighed, clearly uncomfortable.

“Carlisle’s right.” Jasper spoke only to us; he seemed to be trying to ignore the audience behind him. “They’ll fight like children. The two most important things you’ll need to remember are, first, don’t let them get their arms around you, Beau?” 

“Yeah?” 

“A demonstration perhaps? Since you are the newest among us, your strength will be the most similar to the newborns.” 

“Oh, right.” The anger was clouding my head. I walked to a smaller tree at the edge of the yard and wrapped my arms around it. I had to stretch to make my hands meet. Jacob looked at me and I held his gaze. With a quick squeeze I snapped the tree clean through and then gently lowered the broken trunk to the ground. Bella looked up at me quickly and then back down to the grass she was pulling from the ground. I saw the rest of the pack bristle their fur at my show of strength.

“Like I said,” Jasper continued. “Don’t let them get their arms around you and, second, don’t go for the obvious kill. That’s all they’ll be prepared for. As long as you come at them from the side and keep moving, they’ll be too confused to respond effectively. Emmett?”

Emmett smiled, excited that it was his turn play. Jasper backed toward the north end of the opening between the allied enemies. He waved Emmett forward.

“Okay, Emmett first. He’s the best example of a newborn attack.”

Emmett’s eyes narrowed. “I’ll try not to break anything,” he muttered.

Jasper grinned. “What I meant is that Emmett relies on his strength. He’s very straightforward about the attack. The newborns won’t be trying anything subtle, either. Just go for the easy kill, Emmett.” Jasper backed up a few more paces, his body tensing.

“Okay, Emmett — try to catch me.” Jasper lunged and weaved through the yard at full speed. Emmett was impossibly quick, too, but not like Jasper. It was as if Jasper had no more substance than a ghost — any time it seemed Emmett’s big hands had him for sure, Emmett’s fingers clenched around nothing but the air. Beside me, Edward leaned forward intently, his eyes locked on the brawl. 

Then Emmett froze. Jasper had him from behind, his teeth an inch from his throat. Emmett cussed.There was a muttered rumble of appreciation from the watching wolves.

“Again,” Emmett insisted, his smile gone.

“It’s my turn,” Edward protested. 

“In a minute.” Jasper grinned, stepping back. “Alice first.”

He sank back into a crouch facing her. Alice stood motionlessly, looking tiny as a doll after Emmett, smiling to herself. Jasper shifted forward, then slinked to her left. Alice closed her eyes. Jasper sprang, disappearing. Suddenly he was on the other side of Alice. I laughed as the wolves watched, confused. 

Jasper wheeled and launched himself at her again, only to land in a crouch behind her like the first time; all the while Alice stood smiling with her eyes closed. She took a small step

forward at the exact second that Jasper’s body flew through the spot where she’d just been standing.

She took another step, while Jasper’s grasping hands whistled past where her waist had been.Jasper closed in, and Alice began to move faster. She was dancing — spiraling and twisting and curling in on herself. Jasper was her partner, lunging, reaching through her graceful patterns, never touching her, like every movement was choreographed. Finally, Alice laughed, she was perched on Jasper’s back, her lips at his neck.

“Gotcha,” she said, and kissed his throat.

Jasper chuckled, shaking his head. “You truly are one frightening little monster.”

The wolves muttered again. This time the sound was wary.

“It’s good for them to learn some respect,” Edward murmured, amused. Then he spoke louder. “My turn.”

Alice came to take his place beside me. “And he thinks he’s so tough” she smiled smugly.

“I wouldn’t bet against you Alice,” I shoved her shoulder, not looking away from Edward as he glided noiselessly toward Jasper, his movements lithe and watchful as a jungle cat.

“I’ve got my eye on Bella,” she whispered suddenly, her voice pitched so low that I could barely hear, though her lips were at my ear.

My gaze flickered to her face and then back to Edward. He was intent on Jasper, both of them feinting as he closed the distance. Alice’s expression was full of reproach.

“What do you see?”

“It’s blurry of course, the path she’s chosen, but it looks okay Beau. I think she’ll be okay.”

“Will we be okay?”

“You haven’t decided yet.” She patted my arm.

Edward had closed on Jasper now, and this fight was more even than either of the others. Jasper had the century of experience to guide him, and he tried to go on instinct alone as much as he could, but his thoughts always gave him away a fraction of a second before he acted. Edward was slightly faster, but the moves Jasper used were unfamiliar to him. They came at each other again and again, neither one able to gain the advantage, instinctive snarls erupting constantly. It was hard to watch, but harder to look away. 

Now and then the sharp eyes of the wolves would catch my attention. I had a feeling the wolves were getting more out of this than I was — maybe more than they should. The thought brought my anger back to the surface and Alice grabbed my hand, shaking her head no. 

Eventually, Carlisle cleared his throat.

Jasper laughed, and took a step back. Edward straightened up and grinned at him.

“Back to work,” Jasper consented. “We’ll call it a draw.”

Everyone took turns, Carlisle, then Rosalie, Esme, and Emmett again.

“You see what I’m doing here?” he would ask. “Yes, just like that,” he encouraged. “Concentrate on the sides. Don’t forget where their target will be. Keep moving.”

I stood in the grass and watched. Jasper never asked me to spar. Maybe I was too dangerous to play fight like this with. Maybe I didn’t need the training. Edward joined me but never stopped watching the lessons.

“We’re about finished,” he whispered.

Jasper confirmed that, turning toward the wolves for the first time, his expression uncomfortable again. “We’ll be doing this tomorrow. Please feel welcome to observe again.”

“Yes,” Edward answered in Sam’s cool voice. “We’ll be here.”

Then Edward sighed and took my hand in a vice grip. He turned to the family.

“The pack thinks it would be helpful to be familiar with each of our scents — so they don’t make mistakes later. If we could hold very still, it will make it easier for them.”

“Certainly,” Carlisle said to Sam. “Whatever you need.”

There was a gloomy, throaty grumble from the wolf pack as they all rose to their feet. Sam was in the lead, of course. Unbelievably huge, black as midnight, a monster straight out of my nightmares. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw that Edward was watching me, carefully evaluating my reaction.

Sam approached Carlisle where he stood in the front, the huge pack right on his tail. Jasper stiffened, but Emmett, on the other side of Carlisle, was grinning and relaxed. My free hand balled into a tight fist. Edward tried to block my view. Sam sniffed at Carlisle, seeming to wince slightly as he did. Then he moved on to Jasper.

I watched the other wolves. There was a light gray wolf that was much smaller than the others, the hackles on the back of his neck raised in distaste. There was another, the color of desert sand, who seemed gangly and uncoordinated beside the rest. A low whine broke through the sandy wolf’s control when Sam’s advance left him isolated between Carlisle and Jasper. I growl formed in my throat.

_ Look at me Beau. Look only at me.  _

I attempted to keep my eyes locked with Edward. I studied them, watching his crinkled brow assessing me. I heard Sam moving forward, down the line of the Cullens. Edward believed in me, he believed I could do this. My body shook as I counted, he would be at Esme now. I broke my concentration and looked over. She was staring straight at me, ready. 

_ I’m fine.  _

_ Esme… _

_ Look, I’m fine. Look. _

I watched Sam smell her and move on to Rosalie. I could see that her hands were wrapped tightly around her arms and she looked up at the sky. It was Edward’s turn next. Fear overtook the fury and I tried to move. Edward grabbed both of my arms and kept me planted where I was. 

_ Look at me Beau, only at me.  _

Sam took half a step closer to him and anxiety ripped through my body. I felt Jasper attempt to calm me but it was too dull. I broke Edward’s grasp and moved him behind me. Sam jumped back at the sudden movement and I heard the wolves shift behind him, an unsettled noise shared between them. 

_ That’s close enough Sam.  _

_ We need- _

_ Jacob knows Edward’s scent.  _

_ Beau, if we’re going to work together we have to be able to get close to one another.  _

_ I respect you Sam, but I don’t know how to trust you.  _

Before I could stop myself the image and pain of Jacob’s attack flashed through my mind. The memory twisted my mind in agony and Sam whimpered as he felt it. Edward grabbed my hand and pulled me back, breaking off my eye contact with the large black wolf. He nodded to Sam. 

“Until Tomorrow.” Edward spoke as Sam’s mouthpiece once more. The wolves turned and shuffled back into the woods. Bella walked away without turning back. When I could no longer hear the soft padding of their feet I started to relax. I looked to Edward whose sad eyes were searching mine.

“You were wrong.” I whispered. “I couldn’t do it.” 

“Beau, I…” Edward was rarely lost for words. “I’m sorry.” 

“What?” 

“I’m sorry.” He wrapped me in his arms and pulled me into his chest. “I’m so sorry.” 

“Edward, I don’t understand.” I broke our hug and he looked down at me.

“I didn’t want to talk about it,” He ran his fingers over the part of my scar that was exposed. “Because it hurt me, to think about it, to remember…. But when I read Sam’s mind, when you showed him.” Edward’s eyes shut and his face pulled together in pain. “I’m sorry we never talked about it, for you…” 

He wasn’t sad that I had disappointed him, he felt as if he had disappointed me. I reached up and touched his face. He turned his head and kissed my palm. 

“I don’t know how to let them be so close to you…” I confessed. 

“Which is why you couldn’t train with them here.” Jasper stepped towards us. “Your anger could’ve gotten someone killed.” 

“Sorry, Jasper.” 

“Don’t apologize for it, try to understand it. You’re the closest here to the newborns, in age, strength, and mentality. Remember how it felt?” I nodded to him. “Most newborns are filled with that kind of overwhelming emotion, but unlike you, it makes them careless and stupid.”

“You wouldn’t call that careless?” Jasper laughed at me.

“Beau you sat in a rage so powerful I couldn’t influence it. You sat in it for hours. When your rage peaked and rolled into fear, all you did was move Edward behind you and talk to Sam.”

“But I couldn’t let him near us. Everyone else did.”

“Beau, most newborns wouldn’t have been able to let him walk. You’re like nothing I’ve ever seen before. Scares the hell out of me to be honest.”

“I scare you?” I smiled. 

“You’re so unpredictable. You walk a line between controlled and uncontrolled like a tightrope while juggling more emotions than I can name. It’s unnerving.” 

“So, can I train now?” I was eager to get my mind off everything else happening. Jasper nodded and smiled.

“Yes, I’ll pair you with Emmett.” He motioned to Emmett with one hand. “Now I know you two wrestle but this is different, the goal is to get the throat.” Emmett stood across the yard from me and we both crouched. 

He stalked to the left and I countered. Emmett charged straight and I charged back, eager for a collision. He picked up speed and a look of intensity flashed across his face. Usually Emmett was carefree while we fought, now he was determined. At the last moment I ducked and slid between his legs as he ran. I jumped up on the other side of the yard and braced for another attempt. 

He turned and began countering me again. I needed a better strategy than avoiding him. He lunged and I managed to knock him sideways with my elbow. The impact sent him rolling through the grass. He jumped up quickly and ran full speed towards me. I felt instantly defensive and bared my teeth, I looked into his eyes and showed him that I would kill him. Emmett stopped cold, I jumped and knocked him to the ground, my teeth at his throat.

“Jeez Beau, we’re just playing.” 

“Sorry, I just got nervous.” 

“What happened?” Jasper sounded displeased. 

“Beau, happened. I was charging and all of the sudden he showed me how he would kill me. Froze me dead in my tracks.” Emmett pushed me off and stood. 

“An interesting tactic.” Jasper nodded. 

“It wasn’t a tactic.” I wiped the ground off my pants.

“No, No. Jasper is right!” Emmett was excited again. “Do that to one of them and they’ll rattle apart from fear alone.” He shook his fists in the air. I laughed at him and looked over to Edward who was sparring with Alice. She pinned him and I snarled. Jasper followed my eyes and frowned. 

“Edward, Alice!” He shouted and waved them over. “We need to practice keeping Beau’s focus. Could you continue your fighting here, in the middle.” Edward shrugged and began facing off Alice once more.

“Reset.” Jasper said to Emmett. I tried to keep my attention on Emmett, but Edward was right in my line of sight. I countered his attacks but each time I turned, I looked first to Edward and then to Emmett. The split in my focus was wearing me down. In frustration I punched Emmett as hard as possible square in the chest. He went flying into the woods and I turned to Alice who had her eyes closed. She was so focused on Edward that she didn’t notice me run up behind her. I wrapped around her back and put my teeth to her neck.

“No fair!” She squealed. 

“You’re dead.” I jumped off her and she sat down in defeat. I kissed Edward quickly and ran towards the woods. Emmett emerged from the trees and saw me charging. Without any other choice he ran straight back and I looked in his eyes, screaming as loud as I could. His hands went to cover his ears and I tackled him. 

“The goal is for you to fight your opponent without worrying about what Edward is doing.” Jasper crossed his arms.

“Did I or did I not handle it?” I smiled and he shook his head but smiled too. Alice rubbed her neck. 

“Be careful with those teeth Beau, it’s easier than you think to accidentally apply too much pressure.” 

“Oh, I’m well aware.” I mumbled under my breath. Edward looked at me with wide shocked eyes. I cursed myself for not keeping the thought in my head. 

“Beau?” Alice looked at me with a confused face. 

“Umm…” I looked straight at Edward, trying to think of something to say. Anything to say. 

“You didn’t have a slip up did you? Let me see your eyes,” Alice grabbed my cheeks. “They don’t look red.”

“Oh. My. God.” Emmett’s eyes lit up and a wide stupid smile plastered across his face. 

“Emmett.” I warned.

“You didn’t…” He looked at me with uncontained amusement. 

“Emmett…” I tried begging this time. 

“You did! Oh my God! Beau!” He held back his forehead and laughed. 

“Did what?” Alice was lost. Edward looked sick. 

“You dog! I mean Rosalie and I knocked down a couple houses but...” He shook his head and slapped my back. Jasper caught on and closed his eyes before covering them with his hand. 

“Umm, yeah if you don’t mind I’m going to go inside and never talk to any of you again.”

“Wait, Beau… what happened?” Alice called after me as I went inside. Esme, Carlisle, and Rosalie were all in the living room with the TV on. I ignored them and hurried up the stairs. I shut myself in the bathroom and let out a breath. We had almost made it three days without that coming up. I ran my hand over the cracked countertop. Jasper said I was different from other newborns but he was only half right. I had done reckless things, breaking this stone for one… biting Edward for another. 

I turned on the water as hot as possible and climbed into the shower. The pond smell disappeared down the drain as I stood there. I closed my eyes and tried to relax. I heard the door open and shut. Edward undressed and climbed into the shower behind me. 

“So…” 

“They promised not to say anything to Carlisle or Esme.” I moved to face him. 

“All things considered I guess it was stupid to think it would never come out.”

“The way we live? Absolutely.” He smiled. “I’m fine Beau, honest.” 

“I still feel bad.” I turned his left shoulder just slightly. I could see the top of the silver scar on his back. 

“I wouldn’t change anything,” He kissed me. “If we did the whole night again, I’d choose to have it just the way it was.” 

“It was a good night.” I conceded.

“The best night.” Edward said as if correcting me. 

“So far.” I countered and he kissed me. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's hard to find canon that fits with the storyline, training day made it mostly intact. Not that I'm letting canon dictate too much this time around!


	16. Center

“Alice?” 

“Yes, Beau?”

“Tell me more about your vision.” Alice uncrossed her legs and jumped down from the tall branch she was meditating on. 

“Which one?” 

“Come on Alice, you know which one.” She blinked innocently at me. “The one about our upcoming visitors? You know, the whole newborn army thing?” 

“Oh that vision!” She started walking and I followed her. “And here I thought you wanted to know about the other one.” 

“What other one?”

“Our visitors will be here in four days time. I’m not sure what route they’re taking, or their exact numbers. I do know that it will be very early in the morning.” She spun gently, and a small wave of fallen needles swirled around her feet. “Don’t you love the smell of spruce, Beau? It’s so deep, I bet the very center of the earth smells just like giant trees.” She reached out and touched a massive trunk beside her. 

“That would be nice.” I took her free hand and she wove her fingers through mine.

“You know how trees get so old?”

“By not being cut down?” I raised an eyebrow and smiled.

“Well yes, but I meant by growing rings.”

“You can cut down a tree and count the rings inside, right?”

“Yes!” Alice squeezed my hand. “And do you know which part is at the center of the tree?” I shook my head no. I didn’t want her to stop talking, it was too relaxing to listen to her. 

“The oldest part. The tree’s earliest years make up its core.” I looked up at the trees looming over us, you could almost not see the rising sun through the density of their branches. “I think people are like that too.” 

“Like what?”

“Like trees. The core of who we are formed during the first part of our lives.” 

“You don’t think people can change?” We walked slowly, making gentle sounds on the partially frozen grass.

“Well sure they can. Even trees change, you can see it in the rings. Years of drought, years of rain, scars from fires. But the center stays, it’s what they build around.” 

“You think Bella will keep me in her center?” 

“People don’t get to choose Beau. Once something happens it becomes part of who you are, the choice is how to grow over it.” I could hear the river in the distance. 

“What was the other vision Alice?” 

“I can see now that you’ll do well without knowing.” 

“Alice…” I groaned. 

“Come one. The wolves will be here soon.” She dragged me forward towards the house. 

Rosalie was in the kitchen when we entered. Alice wrinkled her nose and looked into the bowl she was mixing on the counter. 

“What is that.” 

“Duck liver.” Rosalie lifted the bowl closer to Alice’s face and she swatted at it. I scooped Pigeon off the counter and smiled as she cuddled into my chest. 

“And why do you have duck liver?” I scratched Pigeon’s head as she purred into my hand. 

“Honestly Beau, have you read the label on that food you bought her? It’s basically all chemicals.” 

“You know, lots of cats eat that every day and live long healthy lives.” 

“Not ours.” 

“Ours?” 

“Fine, yours.” She shook her hands in the air and rolled her eyes. 

“So you’re feeding her duck liver?” 

“Yes, Emmett caught it this morning.” She set down the bowl and Pigeon clawed herself out of my hands to cross the counter. 

“So spoiled.” I chidded the cat as she ate the carefully diced liver. I closed my eyes.

_ Bella?  _

There was a long pause before she answered. 

_ What? _

_ Are you coming today? _

_ Do you want me to? _

_ Yes.  _

_ Why?  _

_ Because I want to talk to you.  _

_ We’re talking now. _

_ You always told me it’s rude to say important things over the phone. _

_ This isn’t exactly the phone. _

_ It’s not exactly face to face. _

_ Okay. _

_ So you’ll come? _

_ I said okay. _

_ Thanks. _

They arrived just after the sun broke across the backyard once again in wolf form. I did my best not to focus on them. I scanned the tree line for Bella instead. She entered the lawn behind Jacob but didn’t stop when he sat down. With her shoulders pulled back she crossed the yard and joined me on the porch. Jacob didn’t move to follow or react, they must’ve had a conversation ahead of time. She took a seat across from me and crossed her arms.

“What’s all this then?” She gestured to the table with a tilt of her head. 

“You remember how to play golf don’t you?” I dealt us six cards each and placed the rest in the center. 

“I thought you wanted to talk, not play cards.” We both flipped up two of our cards.

“I thought we could do both.” I reached for the draw pile and she swatted my hand.

“You dealt!” She drew the first card. 

“How have things been at the reservation?” I discarded my draw and looked up at her.

“Jacob might be the only person more overprotective than you.” She paired kings and smirked.

“Well, he’s got a good right to be. At least for the moment.” 

“Yeah, I guess so.” She considered her draw carefully.

“I’m sorry.” 

“For what?” She threw it away and sighed. 

“For getting you into all this. I know Jake likes to blame Edward and the Cullens but really it was my choice. I may not be responsible for James and Victoria but being in that field, being with Edward despite the danger, I was responsible for that.”

“Maybe, but you were just in love with someone. You don’t choose who you fall in love with. He’s not such a bad guy.” She drew an ace and clenched her fist in victory. 

“Not such a bad guy?” I raised an eyebrow and tried to conceal a laugh. 

“I mean, undead killer part aside… he’s like nice to you and stuff.” 

“Well, that’s very kind of you to admit.”

“I mean, I should’ve known you’d fall in love and marry the first guy you slept with.” She smiled a small glib smile to let me know she was teasing.

“You’re one to talk, Ms. Imprint.” I matched queens. “Besides we didn’t sleep together until after the wedding.” 

“Seriously?” She wrinkled her nose. “That’s somehow worse.”

“How is that worse?”

“Well it’s not better.” 

“You want to see the wedding?” 

“Really?” She looked up to me and I smiled as I showed her the day, no edits. Bella folded her hands together in front of her face.

“I wish I could’ve been there.”

“Me too. You should’ve been. I want to apologize for that too.” 

“I don’t think we were ready yet.” 

“What do you mean?”

“After you died we both started spinning out. I’ve been thinking about what you said, about how we keep hurting each other.” She paired her last set and we counted the score. 

“I shouldn’t have said that.” 

“Maybe, but you were right.” She shuffled the cards and reset the game. “I was mad at you, for not being able to come back. I don’t think I spent enough time being happy you were still here.” 

“Are you happy I’m still here, even like this?” 

“Yes. I can’t demand our relationship be exactly what I want it to be.” She paired sevens but didn’t seem happy about it. 

“Well I can’t either. I didn’t want to accept that we’re different people now.” I had two aces up. 

“No one stays the same forever.” She sighed, it was a melancholy confession.

“For what it’s worth I think you’re pretty kick ass.” She looked up from the cards and laughed at me. “I’m serious Bells, you hold your own. Confidence looks good on you.” 

“Okay weirdo.” She shook her head. We drew cards and built our sets in silence. I could hear Jasper in the yard giving directions, I started to look over but Bella spoke again. “You know what’s funny?” 

“What’s that?”

“When we moved to Forks all I wanted was for us to have a family. I know we ended up getting two different ones but….” She shrugged. “Still came true.” 

“It did.” I looked out at everyone in the lawn, sparring and laughing. “You know what I wished for when we moved here?” 

“What?” 

“I just wanted you to get what every other kid has, just a chance to be normal.” 

“Who wants what everyone else has? They already have it.” Bella smiled at me and looked over to Jacob. “I like what I got instead.” 

“You guys going to get hitched?” 

“Maybe, there’s no rush for us. We aren’t exactly taking a pact to not-”

“Ew, no!” 

“What?! You can tell me about your sex life but I can’t tell you about mine?”We both broke into laughter. 

“That’s exactly the rule.” 

“It should’ve been like this from the beginning.” She pointed between us.

“We’ll chalk it up to growing pains. Like when were we seven and I slept outside in a tent for two weeks because I didn’t want to share my room with a girl anymore.” 

“Oh my god, I totally forgot about that. We ended up sharing the tent instead because I found out how fun it was to go camping.” 

“Why don’t we camp tonight, here in the yard. I’ll even let you bring Jacob.” 

“That’s very considerate of you.”

“I think it is.” 

“About last time Beau…” She threw her cards in without taking a score. “What he said was hurtful, but I really hope you know it comes from a place of pain. For all of them phasing is overwhelming, it’s not easy and it’s not fun. Most of all it’s avoidable and it’s hard not to blame someone, especially when they are directly responsible. If the Cullens never came back then all of them could’ve had normal lives. They don’t hate the Cullens for who they are, just what they’ve brought with them.”

“Carlisle was telling me some of their legends, how they had been attacked by nomads.”

“It’s a loss that carries through time.”

“Do you really think I shouldn’t be alive?” I looked at her with heavy eyes, I needed to know her answer.

“What?” 

“Jacob said he wouldn’t apologize for trying to kill something that shouldn’t even be alive. Do you think I’m evil, do you think I should be dead?”

“Honestly Beau, I struggle to wrap my mind around how any of this is real. All I know is that I have everyone I love with me still. I’m thankful for that, happy you’re all here, anyway that you are.” It wasn’t the answer I was looking for, but like Bella had hinted at, I couldn’t control our relationship anymore. This would be the separation between us. I let it settle in and tried to find my peace with it. 

“But hey, if there was some kind of vampire werewolf super war I’m telling you right now I’ll probably stay with Jacob. It’s just he’s less likely to try to eat me, ya know.” She smiled and tried to break my concentration from my thoughts.

“If that happens how about we all agree to just go on vacation.”

“Now you’re talking.” I dealt out a new hand as she spoke. “Why don’t you train with them?” 

“I can’t.” 

“Why not?”

“On account of my rage.” 

“Which, if I may say, right now is out of control.” She did her best Chandler impression. 

“This is what I miss, they haven’t seen anything.” 

“Not even Friends?” She looked at me with disbelief.

“No. I’m telling you Edward watched Titanic for the first time the night before our wedding.” 

“You’re kidding me!” She slapped her hands on the table. “Who did you marry?” We laughed and continued to play as they trained into the afternoon. Soon the wolves were shifting and Edward announced that they would return after lunch. 

“Take me home for lunch?” Bella asked as she stood. 

“Home home?”

“Home home.” She nodded.

“What about Jacob?” 

“He’ll follow us.” I looked over to Jacob who was waiting patiently at the edge of the trees. I looked into his eyes and he barked a warning, but I ignored him. I grabbed Bella and swung her onto my back. She squealed as I took off into the trees. Jacob wasn’t far behind us but as we approached the house a few moments later he stopped suddenly. I sat Bella down in the grass and she laughed while trying to straighten herself. Jacob walked out a few moments later in cut off shorts and a shirt. 

“Don’t ever pull something like that again!”

“I gave you fair warning of what I was going to do. Besides, you’re fast enough to keep up.” 

“That’s not the point-”

“The point is I’m allowed to make my own decisions boys.” Bella rolled her eyes and went into the house. We followed behind her, Jacob taking the lead. The house was the same as it always was, the only difference being the fireplace which now held the painting I gave Bella along with all the old pictures. I remembered hating them, thinking they were embarrassing, when we first moved in. Now I understood why they were there. I thought of all the photos in the new Alaska house.

“What’s wrong?” Bella joined me in the living room.

“I don’t have any pictures of us, of Charlie.” I rested my hand on top of the thin layer of dust on the mantel. 

“Do you want some?” She sounded surprised.

“Why wouldn’t I?”

“You’ve never been into that kind of thing.” Bella shrugged and disappeared into Charlie’s room. 

“I have a new appreciation for memories.” I called after her. She returned a moment later carrying a couple of shoe boxes. Bella sat on the couch and patted the seat next to her. I sat and she opened the top box to reveal a bulging row of printed photos. I took a stack out and started flipping through them. Jacob joined us and handed Bella a sandwich of his plate of five. It was peanut butter and honey, her favorite. 

“What are these?” Jacob asked through a mouth full of peanut butter. 

“Dad used to get us a box of disposable cameras every time we visited him. He thought it would help keep us entertained.” Bella held up a blurry photo of Billy and they laughed. 

“I can’t believe he developed all of them.” I flipped through pictures of trees and First Beach. 

“It’s all he had when we left.” 

“Why do you think we never stayed with him? If he wanted us this bad?” 

“The courts wouldn’t let us. Mom got custody. I’m not sure she could’ve survived without the child support.” 

“How do you know all this?” I looked up from my photo pile. 

“After you died, Charlie and I went through a tough time.” Jacob wrapped an arm around her shoulders. “We fought a lot. I thought if he would have gotten us sooner that things could’ve ended differently. He was mad at me for letting you ride, mad at himself for not being home. We ended up going on a three day fishing trip and having it out. There was something about that lake, we were finally able to be honest.” 

“Water calms us.” 

“Yeah. I think so.” Bella looked at me with tears in her eyes. “I think it was the trips Charlie took us on as kids. We hated fishing but the water…. It's like we felt safe there.” 

“I never thought about it that way.” I took another stack of photos from the box. We shuffled them quietly as we ate. 

“Oh look at this one!” Bella held up a picture of her on Charlie’s shoulders while he looked out over the water at his line. 

“I like that one.” I smiled. 

“Take it.” 

“Bella, I don’t want-” 

“You should have it. You should have something.” 

“You think we can find one of me and…. Dad?” 

“I think so.” Bella smiled and dug into the second box. Half way through we found a picture of all of us at the beach. It must’ve been after Charlie started to visit us instead. He was wearing a t-shirt with the Washington state flag and board shorts. Bella was wearing his old hat backwards and laughing. I wondered who took it for us. I looked at myself in the photo, gangly and off to one side but still smiling. This was my center. 

Tires grinding over gravel in the drive broke my concentration. Without a word I vanished up the stairs and locked myself into my bedroom. I heard Charlie open the door. 

“Hey Bella.” 

“Hi dad.” 

“I’m just home for a little lunch. Good to see Jake is still eating our groceries.” They all laughed. I committed the sound to memory. 

“You want me to make you something?” 

“No, I'll just take one of these.” It sounded like he stole a sandwich from Jacob and took my seat on the couch. “What do we got?” 

“The old camera pictures.” 

“I love these.” His voice was heavier.

“I was thinking we should hang some up.” 

“That sounds nice.” I heard her shift and rest her head against Charlie’s shoulder as they flipped through pictures. I stopped paying attention to them and looked around the room. It hadn’t been touched. The bottom dresser drawer was still slightly open, the bed was unmade, and a pile of clean clothes sat on the chair waiting to be put away. Careful not to make a sound, I moved around the room cleaning up. As I made the bed a familiar pull rose from inside and I found myself laying down and rolling up in the blanket. The pillow still smelled faintly like Edward and me. I looked at the photos. 

“Thanks for lunch Jake, or maybe that should be the other way around.” They laughed again and this time I smiled. Bella’s wish did come true and that was reason enough to be happy. 

“I’m going to stay the night with Leah if that’s okay, since you’re working third shift.”

“Sounds good. You know I don’t like you being alone.”

“Be safe at work dad.” 

“You be safe.” I heard him put his gun belt back on. “Oh and Bella, go ahead and leave the boxes on the table. I want to look more when I’m home.” 

“Okay.” She got up and hugged him before he left. I knew he was gone but I didn’t move, eventually Bella came upstairs to find me. 

“You cleaned up?” 

“Yeah.” She walked in hesitantly and then jumped onto the bed backwards. “I haven’t been in here since before the funeral…” 

“This reminds me of the dance. You remember? You came in here to tell me about the wonder that was Jacob Black.” She giggled and hit at me. 

“Oh please, I said like two words about him.”

“Your eyes told more.” She blushed at me. 

“Hey wait, your bed….. Edward was here wasn’t he?” She looked at me with a wide face expression as if she had discovered something scandalous.

“What do you mean?”

“Your bed was freezing. And you guys are always freezing so…” She was eager for confirmation. 

“For pity’s sake Bella we’re married.” 

“Not back then.”

“And you’ve never snuck Jacob in?” 

“Well you see-”

“Ha!” I pushed her lightly. Jacob appeared in the doorway in an instant, obviously checking to see if she was okay.

“Unclench, I’m fine.” Bella rolled her eyes. 

“I’m just here to learn more about ‘the wonder that is Jacob Black’.” He tried to play off his protective check in and leaned against the door.

“Oh the stories I could tell you.” I teased.

“Don’t you dare!” Bella blushed beet red and tried to intimidate me. 

“I’ll trade you for them. You tell me about Bella crushing on me and I’ll tell you about the time she tried to learn fly fishing.” 

“You both suck!” She huffed and walked out of the room and slammed the bathroom door still red. All I could do was laugh at her. 

“Hey Jake.” He looked at me and I showed him my memories of her growing up. He smiled despite trying to keep a straight face. 

_ I just wanted you to know I loved her too. _

_ I know that. _

_ Promise me you’ll give her everything. The whole world. _

_ I promise.  _

I nodded, satisfied. 

_ Beau? _

_ Yeah? _

_ For what it’s worth I hate that you’re a vampire, I don’t actually hate you.  _

_ The thing is I can’t actually separate the two.  _

_ Yeah that’s the thing isn’t it.  _

_ I’d like to reach an agreement with you, for Bella. _

_ I promise not to try to kill you? _

_ That’s nice and all... but maybe also The Cullens?  _

_ Fine. But I’m not going to be happy about it.  _

_ I’m not exactly jumping up and down.  _

_ So this camp out tonight, you are going to let me come right? _

_ I told Bella I would. _

_ See, your word is it’s only like seventy percent good. _

_ I’m working on it.  _

Bella came back out of the bathroom and Jake grabbed her hand.

“Back to training?” 

“Yeah, let’s go.” I got out of bed and spread the quilt out, smoothing it until there were no wrinkles. I took one last look at my room and shut the door. 


	17. Campfire

The wolves stayed until nearly four. The days were getting shorter as winter closed in and the sun was already dipping behind the western treeline. I managed to start a fire with some help from Emmett. Alice set up a menagerie of tents in the lawn, insisting it would be rude to make Bella feel as if she would sleep alone. 

“Beau, grab the food from the kitchen.” Alice ordered. I went inside and found seven large paper bags on the counter and two in the fridge. Rosalie was stretched out on the couch with Pigeon, reading a book. I looked closer at the title  _ Zen and the Art of Maintaining a Motorcycle _ .

“Want to join us?” 

“Not even a little bit.” She didn’t look up and turned a page. 

“I’ll miss you.” 

“Yeah, well… tough.”

“Ro-”

“Listen Beau, this may surprise you but for once I get it.” She closed the book and stood with the cat cradled in the nook of her arm. “Not very many of us had the luxury of knowing when that last time would be the last time with someone. I want you to make that memory, I just don’t want to be a part of it, okay?”

“Okay.” She headed to the stairs and I returned to the kitchen to collect the food.

“Beau?” She had stopped on the bottom landing.

“Yeah?” 

“I love you.” 

“I love you too Ro.” She was up the stairs and out of sight as my sentence ended. I stood frozen in place looking after her. 

“She’s nervous.” Emmett had come in from the yard. I turned to face him.

“About the newborns?” 

“The newborns, this thing with Bella, the wolves, you.” He crossed his arms.

“Me?”

“Yeah, she worries the more time we spend here, we spend with your old family, the more you might start to not like ours.” 

“That’s crazy.” 

“It’s hard for her to make family, even harder to make friends. She just doesn’t want to lose you, despite what she may say.” He laughed lightly. 

“She won’t. Will you tell her?” 

“She knows, it’s just harder to know sometimes.” 

“Well tell her to believe it then.” 

“Huh?” 

“She’ll understand.” Emmett shrugged at me and went to find her. I grabbed the bags and headed back outside to the makeshift campsite. Jasper had moved several large branches and trunks around it providing seating. He was resting against one with his boot bottoms warming by the fire. I took a seat next to him and leaned back looking up at the sky.

“What do you think our chances are.” 

“‘You never count your money when you're sittin' at the table’.” He sighed. It was obviously a quote but I couldn’t place it. 

“I do have one question.” Jacob said as he placed four brats over the fire. “What are we doing with Bella?” 

“A very good question.” Edward sat down beside me. 

“Well, I think the best option would be for her to stay at the Res.” Jacob turned the roasting stick. 

“Bella what do you think?” She was caught off guard by my question and didn’t answer. “You said earlier that you could make your own decisions, I’m just trying to let you.” 

“I’m not sure what the right one is.” She said in a small voice. 

“Well Jake says you should stay on the Res, assumably with some protection.” Jacob nodded and I continued. “I think that is a good idea too.”

“Okay, let’s do that then.” Bella looked into the fire. Alice quickly distracted her with food choices.

“That was nice, letting her decide. I certainly wouldn’t have let you.” Edward whispered so only I could hear.

“Just trying to take Carlisle’s advice.” 

“There is no better.” He put his arm around me.

“Rosalie is freaking out.”

“I heard.” 

“Are you nervous? Like she is? That I’ll start to not like you?” Jasper shifted a log in the fire next to us and tiny sparks flew.

“No.” 

“Really?” 

“Really.” I snuggled my head into his chest and watched the fire as they cooked over it. After a while Esme and Carlisle crossed the lawn to us. They were dressed in long coats and scarves, as if they were headed out for a date.

“We’re going out for some dinner. Does anyone care to join us?” Carlisle delivered the line so casually. He adjusted his gloves between his fingers while he waited for a response.

“I’ll take that offer.” Jasper stood and stretched.

“Us too!” Rosalie called from somewhere in the house. Jacob frowned, a disgusted look plastered to his face. They walked towards the woods and Bella suddenly stood. 

“Esme?” Her voice broke slightly as she called out. Esme stopped and Bella went to where she stood. 

“What is it dear?” Esme’s brows pulled together and she looked on Bella with genuine concern. 

“I um… I wanted to say sorry.” 

“Whatever for?” 

“For not liking you. I um… I don’t know, Beau loves you so much and… I um… I know she wasn’t the best mom but she was our mom you know… better or worse it's hard not to feel some kind of way about her.” Bella was almost as articulate as I was. 

“Bella, I don’t want to make you feel like I’m going to replace her.” 

“No. No, I think you should replace her. I just feel guilty that I think that. Like I should defend her more, but I know she doesn’t really deserve it. So, I’m sorry.” I knew Bella thought she was having a private conversation but I couldn’t help but hear her.

“Bella?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m not going to replace you either.” 

“What?”

“I know that you and Beau were parents to each other in a way. I know you had to be that way despite being children because there weren’t very many other people willing to do so. You raised one another,” Esme paused and I looked over. She smiled softly as she continued. “And you both did a wonderful job.” 

“Thank you.” Bella whispered. 

“May I hug you?”

“Um, yeah. Okay.” I watched Esme carefully wrap her arms around Bella. It took a moment but Bella returned the embrace. 

“I promise, I’ll always take care of him.” Esme whispered.

“I know you will.” They let go of one another and Bella stood watching as she disappeared into the trees. A few minutes passed and I walked over to check on her. 

“Are you okay?” 

“She seems very nice.” Bella sniffled. 

“She is.” 

“They all really love you, huh?” 

“Yes. I’m very lucky... you must’ve wished really big for me.” 

“I did.” 

“Thank you.” I tapped the back of her hand with my finger. “Now we better get back, Alice has burnt your brat to charcoal.” She laughed and wiped a tear away. I grabbed her hand and we made our way across the yard. We sat down so that she was by Jacob and I was by Edward. 

Soon Bella was fast asleep against Jacob’s shoulder and the fire had burned down to embers. Despite the tensions we managed to enjoy the evening, telling stories and joking. Jacob picked Bella up and headed towards their tent. 

“Goodnight Beau.” She said sleepily before they disappeared inside. 

“Night Bells.” 

Edward stoked the fire and added some new wood. It started to revive itself as the others wandered back from their hunt. 

“Everyone asleep?” Emse whispered, taking a seat across the flames.

“Everyone who can.” 

“Don’t be smart.” She chided but smiled. Jasper and Carlisle took seats as well. Alice was quick to curl into Jasper’s lap. Rosalie surveyed the fire and listened carefully to Bella snoring before she committed to sitting down. There was tiny meow and Emmett took Pigeon out of his jacket pocket. 

“You took her hunting?!” Edward scolded as he reached for the cat.

“Relax Eddie Boy, she was fine.” Edward frowned and held her defensively. Pigeon stretched out, clawing Edward’s sweater and curled up on his stomach facing the warm fire. Before long she was purring softly and then fell fast asleep. 

“So… tomorrow...” Jasper exhaled.

“Yes, in the morning.” Alice confirmed.

“Tomorrow? I thought we had two days still.” 

“It’s half one now.” Carlisle said looking up. I didn’t realize it had gotten so late. There would only be one more sunset until they arrived. 

“What’s the plan for afterwards?” Rosalie looked around at everyone. Esme finally answered.

“Well, we’ve already established with the town that we moved. So, we move I suppose. What about you dear, going back to school?” 

“No. I withdrew, I wasn’t sure what the outcome would be here. We told everyone there was a family emergency.” 

“You didn’t tell me that.” She met my eyes with a soft expression. 

“I just decided yesterday.” Emmett took her hand and no one spoke for a moment. 

“In that case we can all go somewhere together, if you’d like.” Carlisle took off his gloves and held his hands out to the fire. It was intoxicating to do so, our fingertips almost warmed after a time. 

“We don’t have to decide now.” Alice said with authority and also with love. We all accepted that answer. 

“A heads up, I did have the boat shipped over to Saint Herman. I figured she’d be safe with you guys until we made a plan.” Emmett played with Rosalie’s hair while he spoke. 

“You shipped a boat to us?” Edward asked.

“Yeah, they’ll drive her to Seattle and then up the coast to Alaska. Don’t worry I legally sold her from my name to a shell corp and had it repainted. No trail.” 

“That wasn’t the concern.” Edward said dryly. 

“Ignore him Emmett. She’ll be safe with us.” I crossed my heart with my finger and he nodded.

“Thanks B.” 

“You should hunt before she wakes up.” Carlisle directed us. 

“Keep an eye on them Alice.” I said as I stood and followed Edward. 

“They’ll be fine.” Jasper leaned back and pulled his hat down over his eyes, his arms crossed. Alice nodded at me to confirm his suspicions. I smiled and ran into the woods after Edward. 

I didn’t stop at fifty miles but went further into the state park. I was intent on finding an elk, a bull elk at that. Edward followed me but seemed distracted. Eventually he found something enticing and broke off from me. I didn’t mind being alone with my thoughts. 

I didn’t have much time to think before I crossed a scent. I let the compulsion of hunting take over my body and mind. It was relaxing to go into autopilot, it was almost like riding my motorcycle. The elk was over quickly and I wondered where Edward was. I followed my scent back to where we split up and then followed his. 

It was hard to tell where he was going, the path looped over and over on itself. I tried to tell what he was tracking but all I could smell was Edward. He wound through Seven Lakes and then back down towards the Hoh. Where was he going, what was he after. Suddenly his scent stopped, I circled around and retraced my steps but it ended in the same spot again. 

My knees were suddenly in my throat, I leaned against a tree and tried to collect my thoughts. Alice must’ve been wrong about the timeline, you don’t just disappear unless……. unless…….

I heard a rustle in the branches above me. Someone jumped in front of me suddenly and I lunged. I crashed into them with as much force as possible and we flew backwards through the trees. A sound I never heard before ripped through my throat and into the stillness of the forest. I felt fingers dig into my shoulders and try to separate us. We slammed into the ground and I had my teeth at their throat in an instant. I took a sharp inhale as my lips met their skin, the familiar taste threw my concentration. I pushed up to see who was beneath me. 

“You know, when you mentioned getting rough this isn’t exactly what I thought you meant.”

“Your scent was gone.” 

“I jumped straight up into the tree.” 

“No you were gone.” My brain was having trouble switching out of defensive mode. I looked down into Edward’s eyes, my hand was still clasped firmly around his throat and I couldn’t let go.

“Beau, I’m right here.” He rested his hand on my arm but I stayed frozen. My head started to clear and I fell against his chest. 

“I thought… I….” I took a deep breath. Yes, Edward was here. There was no ‘unless’. He wrapped his arms around me, but I pushed up and slapped his chest. 

“Ow!” He rubbed the spot where I hit him.

“Don’t ‘Ow’ me! You scared the living shit out of me!” 

“Really? ‘Living shit’?” He arched an eyebrow. 

“Fine, unliving shit! You scared the unliving shit out of me!” I hit him again.

“Hey! I think we’re even Achilles, calm down.” I went to hit him again and he grabbed my wrists. His copper hair glinted in the little light from the moon as he roared with laughter. I gave up struggling and rolled off of him. We laid on our backs and watched the branches move in the soft wind. 

“Why Achilles?” 

“After the death of Patroclus, Achilles' rage became so unbound that it drove him back to battle. He killed Hector, stabbing him through the throat and dragging him behind his chariot.”

“Jeez.” 

“An appropriate sentiment.” Edward rolled his eyes. I turned my head and faced him, he was as beautiful as the day I first saw him.

“Do you think they were in love?”

“Who?”

“Achilles and Pratrocolus.”

“Patroclus.”

“Yes him, do you think they were in love?”

“Well scholars-”

“Not scholars, you.” He faced me with an unreadable expression. 

“Yes.” 

“Why?”

“He killed Hector, he knew if he did so, he would die.” Edward exhaled. “Achilles did it anyway, and die Achilles did. They buried them together.”

“You think they got to spend their forever together? Because they buried them together?” 

“Why not.” Edward shrugged. He turned and looked back up at the sky. 

“Edward?” 

“Hmm?” 

“There’s something I want you to know, in case something happens tomorrow.”

“Nothing is going to happen tomorrow.” His voice was hard. 

“But-”

“No.” His eyes burned into mine and I knew he said it because he was trying to believe it. 

“You didn’t strip me of my wings.” 

“What?” His expression changed in an instant, a sad shock crossed his face. 

“You didn’t strip me of my wings.” Edward stood up and kept his back to me. 

“I can’t believe he told you that.” 

“Edward-” 

“No, I just-” I rose to my feet and stood behind him. 

“EDWARD.” He turned at my harsh tone. “You did not strip me of my wings, you gave them to me.” 

“Beau-” 

“I was trapped. I was caged. And I’d done most of it to myself.” He turned away and I grabbed his hand and pulled him back to me. “You freed me.” 

“You don’t know what you’re saying.” He hung his head. 

“I do.” I ran my hands up and placed them on either side of his jaw, making him look at me. 

“You could’ve had everything.”

“I got you.” 

“Beau-” He twisted out of my hands. 

“‘ To love or have loved, that is enough. Ask nothing further. There is no other pearl to be found in the dark folds of life.’ .”

“What did you say?” He froze.

“You have seventeen different editions of that book. The original is so worn there is barely a spine left. I know it must be your favorite, even though I’ve never seen you read it. I wish you believed what you knew.” For the first time since our talk at the lighthouse I felt as if I finally understood what Rosalie had tried to tell me. I waited as Edward stood motionless, facing away from me. 

“‘There is scarcely anything else in the world but that: to love one another.’” He said at last. 

“Yes.” 

“Beau, how you amaze me.” Edward turned back towards me. I wasted no time closing the space between us and pulling him into a kiss.

“I think I lost myself,” I said as we parted. “I think I got all mixed around when I was trying to stretch into this new life, this new body. I thought it meant I could be anyone I wanted, but I think I realize now I just want to be me, you know? Just Beau.” 

“For what it is worth, I fell in love with  _ ‘just Beau’ _ .”

“It’s worth everything.” He leaned in and kissed me once more. 

  
  



	18. Twilight

I thought Alice was crazy for buying a mountain of groceries but by midday they were all consumed. I helped Jasper take down the tents as Carlisle entertained Bella with stories of Ernest Hemingway. 

“Beau.” Jasper looked at me with dark eyes. 

“What is it?” 

“Something has changed.” We both looked to Alice in an upstairs window who was waiting for our anxious eyes to find her. She waved us in and we dropped the canvas. Half a breath later we were by her side. 

“What is it?” Jasper took her hands. 

“They changed their minds.” She looked past us as she whispered.

“Changed how.” I felt my throat closing up.

“No, wait…” Alice wrinkled her forehead. “They didn’t change their mind.”

“Alice?” Her face went from fierce concentration to smooth as stone.

“I read it wrong.” She locked eyes with me in a panic. “Beau I’m sorry, It’s my fault, I-”

“Alice.” Jasper regained her attention. “What was wrong. Tell, me sweetheart.” 

“It wasn’t sunrise, it was sunset. I couldn’t tell because… because of….” 

“Twilight.” I hadn’t heard Edward enter the room behind us. My senses were numbed by my panic. I turned to face him. “She couldn’t tell because in winter the twilight at sunrise and sunset begins to look the same.” 

“So they’re coming tonight?” Jasper remained neutral toned. Alice nodded at him and then looked back at me.

“I’m sorry Beau.” She seemed shaken by her guilt. I tried to take Jasper’s approach and drew in a deep breath. 

“No, Alice. We still have time. We’ll get it over with sooner this way, right Jasper?” 

“Right. This works in our favor.” He leaned his head in and smiled at her. She relaxed slightly but I could see her hands still gripping Jasper’s tightly. 

“Alice, you are the only one who hasn’t hunted. Perhaps you should let Jasper take you now, so you’re not distracted.” Edward suggested. 

“A choice idea.” Jasper led her from the room and outside. Alice moved in a sort of haze. 

“Don’t worry,” Edward grabbed my hand and led me from the room. “She’ll have a clearer head when she’s had something to eat.” 

We headed downstairs and outside where Carlisle sat across from Bella and Jacob. They were all laughing, perfectly unaware of the change of events. 

“Carlisle.” Edward’s voice was firm. 

“What is it?” Carlisle stood and crossed the lawn. 

“Our visitors have had a change of course, they will be here tonight.”

“When?” Jacob was standing now too.

“Just as the sun sets.” 

“Where?” Carlisle leaned in. 

“They are making a path towards the house.” Edward relayed what he saw in Alice’s mind. “But they will cross the field first, I suggest we counter them there.” 

“What field?” Jacob was taking off his shoes and shirt. Edward explained it and I recognized that it was the same place we had played baseball. She was going to end her story where it began. Jacob ran into the trees and circled back in his wolf form. 

“He says the pack will be there. Until then they will make necessary preparations from the reservation.” Edward spoke for Jacob out loud. 

The whole conversation was happening on my periphery. The only thing I could do was look at Bella, who looked straight back at me. I studied her face. She had the same wide childlike eyes that she had when we flew to Forks all those months ago. She was rubbing her thumb nervously into her palm. I swallowed my emotions and crossed the yard to her as the others kept talking. 

“Hey, it’s going to be alright.” 

“You don’t know that.” I could hear her heart thumping wildly. 

“Sure I do.” I wrapped her in a gentle hug. 

“Beau, I changed my mind. I want to be there with you guys. I just… how I am supposed to watch you all go and stay behind.” 

“If you want to help us, you’ll stay back. I know it sounds like you’re doing nothing, but you’re not. If you stay away then we’ll all be able to focus because we know you’re safe.” 

“I feel useless.” 

“You’re not. We just can’t use your specific talents for this one thing.” 

“That’s such a cheesy answer.” She laughed and I let her out of the hug.

“Cheesy? I was going for comforting.”

“Missed the mark there kid.” 

“Kid?”

“I’m technically older than you now.” She smiled. I had always given her grief about being born second. 

“I guess so.” I smiled back and threw an arm around her shoulder. I carefully led her to Jacob’s side. 

“It is decided.” Carlisle nodded. Jacob knelt and Bella threw herself on his back. It was unsettling to see her sitting up there. I reached over and tapped the back of her hand before he bolted off into the trees. 

“Beau?” Edward was looking down at me with a guarded expression.

“What?” 

“I’m just waiting for your panic.” His eyes didn’t move from mine. 

“Yeah, me too.” I mumbled and turned away from him. 

“Where are you going?” He called after me as I opened the back door.

“I need to talk to Emmett.” 

I found him upstairs in his bedroom stretched out in a chair, whistling. In his hands was a small pocket knife and some piece of wood he was whittling at. He snapped the knife closed and looked up at me with a smile. 

“So, tonight huh?” 

“That’s what Alice says.” 

“Nice.” He set the wood down on a table next to him. I couldn’t fathom his excitement, or at least his lack of fear.

“Right... I wanted to run something by you.” 

“Me? Really? Not Carlisle or Edward?”

“No, I want you.”

“Why?” He looked suspicious. 

“Because they’re not as smart as you.”

“Well that I can believe.” He grinned.

“Alice went hunting with Jasper so she wouldn’t be distracted tonight, wouldn’t be hungry.” 

“Okay…” 

“So it got me thinking, about distractions… what if there was something we could to distract the newborns, make them lose focus, you know.”

“Well,” He rubbed his chin. “We already have the wolves, that gives us the element of surprise. Should be distracting.” He shrugged his shoulders as if that settled it. I took a seat in the wingback chair next to him and leaned forward. 

“But after they get over the shock won’t it just make them more defensive?” 

“It might.”

“So what if we had a distraction that was bigger than that, the ultimate distraction for newborns.” I looked at him with slightly raised eyebrows.

“You can’t be serious, they’d never make it out alive!”

“We don’t need an actual person, just a generous donation…” 

“Blood would send them into a frenzy, they would go into hyperdrive to compete for a kill.”

“But wouldn’t they also fight themselves? Alice says they keep losing numbers because they fight.” Emmett leaned back and exhaled.

“It’ll smell old if we spill it too soon. They might know it’s a trick.” 

“What if we waited until the exact right moment. Right before they entered the field.” 

“Whoever spills it wouldn’t have time to get out of the way. They’d probably kill them thinking they were the human.” 

“That’s where you come in.” 

“You want  _ me _ to die?” He half laughed. 

“No.” I shoved his leg. “What if there was a way to spill the blood while everyone stayed hidden. Then the newborns would start fighting each other before they even saw us.”

“If they were distracted in that kind of frenzy and we had the element of surprise along with the wolves, it would definitely tip the scales. But I don’t see how we could do it.” 

“You once told me you had an expert mark.” Emmett put the pieces of the plan together in his head and smiled.

“Oh, this is a plan I can get behind.” 

“So it’s not completely crazy?” I sighed.

“It’s absolutely crazy, buckwild even! But, that’s my kind of plan.” He laughed and stood. 

“Do you think it’ll work?”

“Well, we’ll ask Jasper and Al. And go from there.” Rosalie entered the room carrying Pigeon. Emmett kissed her quickly as he moved around her to leave.

“Wait, where are you off to?” 

“To get a gun!” He yelled down the hallway. 

“Do I want to know?” She looked to me and I shrugged. “Get out of my chair.” 

“Sorry.” I switched chairs quickly and she sat down. Pigeon clawed her way out of Rosalie’s arms and jumped to my lap. It was good to know she still favored me. 

“Edward said Alice read the vision wrong, that they’re coming tonight.” 

“Yeah.” I scratched Pigeons ears. 

“And then what?” Rosalie looked over at me and I caught her eyes with mine.

_ What do you mean? _

_ What’s next? If we survive all this? _

_ I don’t know. We never really decided. _

_ We? _

_ The family. _

_ Which one? _

_ Ro.  _

_ I’m just asking Beau. It’s a very warranted question.  _

_ Ours.  _

_ What if everyone votes to move to Mongolia, would you leave? _

_ Why Mongolia? _

_ It’s the first thing I thought of. That’s not an answer. _

_ I’ll go. I’ll go anywhere.  _

_ You mean it? You promise?  _

I grabbed Rosalie’s hand. 

“I swear.” 

“I don’t even know why I care so much.” She rolled her eyes.

“I do.” I smiled. She took her hand from mine and ran it through her perfect hair. 

“I need to get ready.” 

“Okay.” I gave up on continuing our heart to heart. I scooped up Pigeon and made my way downstairs. 

I could hear Carlisle and Edward in the office as I passed. They were talking in hushed voices, so I decided not to join them. The living room was quiet and for the first time since being back I realized how empty the house was. There was scarcely any furniture, absolutely no wall art, and even the sunlight seemed to be unable to fill the vacant spaces. I saw Esme on the back porch wrapped in a large knit sweater. I joined her, careful to not damage the broken door further. She was gripping an empty cup and looking over the yard.

“What are you doing?” I asked and set Pigeon down to explore.

“It’s instinct, to want to hold a tea cup when I’m worried.” She didn’t face me when she spoke but kept her eyes fixed on the trees ahead.

“I didn’t know anyone else had instincts like that. Edward said they were a newborn thing.” 

“Well, the urge to act on them certainly is.” Esme laughed but it sounded distant and hollow. “But we are more human than we’d like to believe.”

“What do you mean?” 

“It’s just easier, I suppose. To pretend that we are nothing like the people that surround us, makes it easier to separate ourselves, to be alone. But we were purely human once, and that humanity remains within us.” She seemed sad and I wished Edward were her to tell me what was really going on inside her head as she spoke. 

“You know Rosalie thinks we should move to Mongolia.” I said it casually, trying to hide my eagerness to distract her from her thoughts.

“What?” Esme blinked and looked at me confused. 

“Yeah, she thinks we should go be reindeer farmers.” 

“I did not say that!” Rosalie jumped from the window and landed on the porch.

“Actually you did.”

“It’s all I could think of!” She had changed into high waisted exercise leggings and a cropped hoodie. She looked perfectly curated like a Sports Illustrated spread.

Rosalie turned to Esme. “Will you braid my hair?” 

“Of course.” Esme was surprised at her request. Rosalie sat down at the bottom of the stairs and Esme sat behind her. She ran her hands softly through the billowing golden hair. 

“I don’t think I’ve ever braided your hair.” 

“You haven’t.” Rosalie confirmed quietly. Esme hummed quietly as she slowly weaved five strands together in a wide french braid. She finished and patted the braid gently. 

“Will you do it again?” Rosalie kept her head forward as she asked.

“Yes.” Esme carefully undid her work and restarted. This time she wove even slower, careful to drag her fingers through Rosalie’s hair and across her scalp. I grabbed Pigeon and went inside. I wanted to let them absorb their private moment. 

I sat Pigeon on the counter. Her tiny meows begged for a snack and I relented. I opened the fridge and poured her a small amount of cream. I set the saucer down beside her and she lapped at it greedily. I ran the back of my knuckles down her spine as she ate. 

“Well Pidge, it all comes down to tonight.” 


	19. An Ending pt 1

The woods were silent around us. Usually when we walked we worked hard to purposefully drown out the small noises of insects, the rustling of vegetation by wind or snakes, and breathing of small animals. All I could hear now was the occasional water droplet fall from a leaf. 

No one was breathing, no one was speaking. 

We moved through the hazy green canopy like observers making their way to a wake. I looked over at Edward. His bronze hair was damp and small beads of rain slid down the back of his neck. I don’t know why I was surprised that it rained on us. 

It always rained here. 

Alice held up a hand and we stopped. She looked into my eyes and told me that we would stop here and wait. I disseminated the message to the others. It was a strategic gift, Jasper said, that we would not have to make sound while communicating. I was happy to lend an advantage. I looked at Edward again and found him staring back. 

_ What’s wrong? _

_ I love you Beau. _

_ I know. _

_ Say it back. _

_ No. _

_ Beau, please. _

_ You already know it. I won’t let you think we’ve said our goodbyes.  _

_ It’s not like that. I promise. I just want some fuel.  _

_ My love is fuel? _

_ The strongest Excelerant.  _

I smiled and started Edward’s favorite home movie in my head: our story. I left nothing out as I went. His eyes lit up. I thought about the memories as I flipped through them. Each of them were beautiful to me, but each one of them had led to this moment. 

It was hard not to wonder, if I had just changed one…. If I had just stayed home from baseball…. Would things still have ended up with Edward and I being together? Could I have avoided all the heartache? Alice only saw a future with me as a Cullen, or dead. If I hadn’t gone into the field that afternoon would that vision have changed? 

It was too late to know now. 

I shook the intrusive thoughts away and focused on the summer. The trip to South America, the trip to Chicago and Canada. I didn’t know what could have been, but I knew what was. I lingered on Edward’s dazzling smiles, his sweet words, his elegant form while hunched over a book. 

I loved what was. 

Alice signaled for Edward to place the jars in the field. He was the fastest and lightest on his feet. He disappeared from view and I looked around at the rest of my family. Carlisle and Esme were holding hands, looking ahead into the trees. Rosalie stood defensively alone to Alice’s left. She wasn’t happy that Emmett had separated to set up for his shot. Jasper looked the most relaxed out of everyone. He might’ve been anywhere in the world, it might’ve been any day. 

I ran through the plan in my head and tried to relax. 

We would end this now. We would end it where it started. It was odd to me, that she would pick the field. It seemed like the most insignificant thing that happened. I hadn’t even really understood what had happened. My mind wandered back.

  
  


…………

**My hair ruffled with the light breeze, Edward stiffened, and the second male, James, suddenly whipped his head around, scrutinizing me, his nostrils flaring. A swift rigidity fell on all of them as James lurched one step forward into a crouch. Edward bared his teeth, crouching in defense, a feral snarl ripping from his throat. It was nothing like the playful sounds I'd heard from him this morning; it was the single most menacing thing I had ever heard, and chills ran from the crown of my head to the back of my heels.**

**"What's this?" Laurent exclaimed in open surprise. Neither James nor Edward relaxed their aggressive poses. James feinted slightly to the side, and Edward shifted in response.**

**"He’s with us." Carlisle's firm rebuff was directed toward James. Laurent seemed to catch my scent less powerfully than James, but awareness now dawned on his face.**

**"You brought a snack?" he asked, his expression incredulous as he took an involuntary step forward. Edward snarled even more ferociously, harshly, his lip curling high above his glistening, bared teeth. Laurent stepped back again.**

**"I said he’s with us," Carlisle corrected in a hard voice.**

**"But he’s human," Laurent protested. The words were not at all aggressive, merely astounded.**

**"Yes." Emmett was very much in evidence at Carlisle's side, his eyes on James. James slowly straightened out of his crouch, but his eyes never left me, his nostrils still wide. Edward stayed tensed like a lion in front of me.**

**When Laurent spoke, his tone was soothing — trying to defuse the sudden hostility. "It appears we have a lot to learn about each other."**

**"Indeed." Carlisle's voice was still cool.**

………..

  
  


A water droplet fell on my cheek and broke my concentration. I hadn’t even realized the danger I was in during the moment. I wanted to laugh at myself for being frightened by Edward’s snarl. I had made more aggressive sounds towards him since then. It was such a simple meeting. If this was the great end of her story, Victoria must not be a creative writer. There were a lot of moments that night far more pertinent to me. I let my thoughts go once more. 

………..

  
  


**Ten minutes .**

**My blood beat loud in my ears drowning out the engine. Alice ran beside me. I can do this, I can do this, I can do this. I pushed on and waited for Alice’s signal. My mind swam. Would Edward ever forgive me? Surely. But what if he didn’t? I would have to live with that. If he was safe, and Bella was safe, and the Cullens were safe. I could live with that, I would force myself too. The whole mess was my fault and I would fix it. And if Edward did forgive me, I would spend everyday making up for the pain I had caused him. If it were possible. And Esme, I wondered if she would still want me to be her son. Maybe this wasn’t the best plan…**

**“Beau!” I shook my head and fixed my resolve. I had to be certain. I gained more speed but then slowed down just a bit. What if....**

**“Do it Beau!” With Alice’s confirmation I hit the brakes and threw the bike sideways. It might be overkill but I wanted the plan to work, and we needed blood. I screamed as I felt the road rip through my pants and then my skin. My shoulder hit half a second later, I felt it crunch. The bike slid away from me. I didn’t even have the focus to chastise myself for such an idiotic idea. The pain ripped through my body. I finally stopped in the ditch. The cool grass did little to ease the burning.**

**“Keep screaming!” Alice commanded as if I was doing so voluntarily. She stood off from me, I could see her struggling. My eyes closed as I cried out. Please let this work. I heard a wild growl. I opened my eyes to see James lunging toward me. I closed them tightly. I thought of Edward.**

……….

That’s what I remembered most. Not being with Edward. I remembered praying that he would make it to me, that I would get to see him one last time. I didn’t want to die alone.

“Fuck.” All heads turned and looked at me with angry eyes. I had broken our silence. Without another word I bolted away from them. I heard Edward move behind me but stop. If I was right then Alice was having a vision, and he could see it. 

I ran past the wolves who were moving with purposeful slowness towards the field. It took great effort for their large forms to not make sound as they moved. I locked eyes with Jacob for a moment as we passed. 

_ WHERE ARE YOU GOING? _

_ WE’RE IN THE WRONG PLACE _

_ What? _

_ It’s Bella, it’s-  _

Jacob didn’t wait for more. He turned and followed me. We pushed as fast as we could towards the reservation. She had orchestrated every move. It wasn’t about the field at all. She was recreating The ending. It had always been about the ending. I hoped Bella would have the same ending as me. An ending where someone made it in time. 


	20. An Ending pt 2

There wasn’t much I could do. Wasn’t much I could think of. I wished I could’ve felt a burning in my muscles, that I could’ve known that I was doing all I could. I pushed my body faster. Everything was in perfect clarity around me. I saw each leaf, each insect, each raindrop. 

Saw everything except this coming. 

I wanted to scream. I could hear Jacob running close behind me. The reservation line came into view and I crossed it without stopping to ask permission. As I started to pick up Bella’s scent I heard a cracking in the distance. Jacob’s breath was uneven but he pushed harder. I could hear the snarling of other wolves. 

We got to the house and saw the front door had been broken in. We didn’t linger there, we could tell it was empty. We followed the sounds of fighting towards the beach. Jacob suddenly whimpered and I knew something bad had happened. A large hairy mass came into view and I jumped over it. The werewolf was alive for now, someone else would have to help him. Jacob paused for a second before following along, leaving his friend on the shoreline. 

Each second ticked by like an eternity. In perfect slow motion I saw her turn and look at me. Relief seemed to wash over her face. 

_ I’m here. _

We were half a mile apart on the pebbled beach but I knew I would be her side in an instant now. The other wolf that had been with Bella let out growl and I heard bones crunch. I didn’t turn to see what had happened, my eyes were locked on Bella. 

A blur of red blocked my view as I reached out to her. Victoria and I collided, our momentum knocking us into Bella. We rolled past her and into the water. I untangled myself and managed to stand.

“Hello Sweetie.” She smiled at me. Her face was completely relaxed, as if she was enjoying this. I snarled and sprung at her. We fell back into the water in a wave of Victoria’s laughter. I felt her nails pierce into my shoulders. I bit at her throat but she jerked away, tearing her nails down my chest. I screamed and gripped her tighter. 

Two seconds after our collision Jacob arrived. I watched as his teeth dug into her shoulder and pulled her from the ocean. She looked into my eyes as I once again went for her throat.

_ It’s over. _

_ It’s just beginning.  _

She let out another laugh before my teeth clamped down. I let my rage take over. It only took half a minute for her to be disassembled and shredded. I took a lighter from my pocket and dropped it on a pile of driftwood nearby. A memory flashed in my head. 

**"Have you ever seen a driftwood fire?"**

**"No,"**

**"You'll like this then — watch the colors."**

I threw the remains into flames and turned away. I didn’t care what color it made. 

“Bella!” Jacob had phased back and ran to her side. I joined him and looked down at her body in the rocks. There were already bruises forming on her arms and face. She was breathing but unconscious. One of her legs was bent up behind her at a painful angle and obviously broken. Jacob touched her side.

“Her ribs are broken. What do we do?” He was panicking and I understood why. Calling an ambulance out here would take an hour…. And an explanation. 

“Go get Carlisle.” 

“You go get him! I’m staying here.” He gently took her hand. 

“Jacob when you phase you can talk to the wolf pack. You can reach him faster.” I knelt beside her. Jacob stood and phased in front of me. After a moment he phased back and put his shorts back on. 

“He’s on his way.” I nodded and looked down at her, there had to be more we could do than just sit here.

“Where is she bleeding from?”

“She’s not.”

“I can smell blood.”

“You always smell blood.” He gripped her hand tighter. “It’s going to be okay BabyBell, I’m right here.” I ignored him and started checking her over, careful not to move her spine. I brushed her left leg with my fingers and felt it by her ankle. I raised my shaking hand to Jacob. 

“It’s probably just a cut.” He turned away from me and brushed hair off her face. 

“It’s not.” 

“Beau stop worrying about some cut on her leg!”

“JACOB!” He looked back at me. “It’s not a cut.”

“Well what is it then.” 

I rolled her leg gently sideways and showed him the two perfect half moon circles. 

“A bite.” Victoria’s words flashed in my mind “ _ It’s just beginning.”  _

“YOU BIT HER!” Jacob tackled me and I was careful to hold him gently away as we crashed into the sand. 

“I DIDN’T!”

“YOU ALWAYS WANTED HER TO CHOOSE YOU AND NOW SHE HAS TO!” He took a swing at me and I dodged. Tiny pebbles flew over my face. 

“IT WAS VICTORIA, JAKE!” I grabbed his wrists and he fought to free himself. He started crying and I spoke again but softly. “It wasn’t me Jake, it wasn’t me.” 

“Don’t take her from me.” He went limp and I pushed him off. I stood and started pacing the beach. In little circles around Bella. Her injuries were severe and I knew the venom could fix her. Without it I didn’t know her chances. She didn’t want this though, to be a vampire.. To be like me. It was my choice to choose a forever with Edward. I looked down at her face, my sister’s face. She had a different forever planned, and I would make it happen. I knelt by her leg and took a deep breath.

“What are you doing?” 

“I’m going to try to suck the venom out.”

“Like a snake bite?”

“Yeah…. It’s all I can think of… to keep her here.” 

“Will it work?” Jacob knelt next to me.

“I don’t know.” 

“Do it.” He sounded firm. 

“Jacob there's a chance I won't be able to stop…” I looked at him with scared eyes.

“I’d kill you first.”

“Promise?” He nodded and I brought her leg to my face. I was careful to use the same bite pattern Victoria left. The blood tasted bitter at first, I knew it must be the venom. The blood ran down my throat and I finally knew what having the fire quenched felt like. As I drank I tasted it becoming cleaner, less diluted. Jacob grabbed my shoulder and I shook him off. My mind went blank and I knew nothing but the sweet taste. 

My eardrums pounded and I closed my eyes. An instant later I felt a sharp rip into my back and I released Bella’s leg to scream. The wolf dragged me into the ocean. The salt water raced up over my face and for a moment I was relieved from the sensation of human blood. Bella’s blood, I reminded myself. 

I took in a mouthful of seawater and swallowed it. The saltiness scrubbed the taste from my mouth and throat. I swallowed more and more until I was full of it. I resurfaced from the water and looked to the shore. Jacob was bent over Bella and thankfully so was Carlisle.

I made my way to the shallows before I doubled over. Retching, I collapsed on my forearms and knees. My body fought and threw up all the seawater back into the ocean. It was muddled and dark from mixing with Bella’s blood. I finally finished and joined the others beside Bella. 

“Is she going to be okay?” 

“You need to go to the field.” Carlisle said without looking up. 

“Why? I won’t leave her.” I moved to kneel beside Bella.

“Beau!” Carlisle snapped angrily. “It’s Edward.” 

  
  



	21. Goodbyes

The field couldn’t come into view fast enough. I was tired. Not from running but from the crisscrossing of Washington State towards people I love. When this was over I was going to demand that Bella stay by Jacob’s side forever, and that Edward stay by mine. That was, if they both lived past today. 

I started smelling a sour smoke as I got closer, the same sour smoke from the beach. The light started to break through the trees and I knew I was close. I pushed through the last meters of trees and burst into the field. I stopped so abruptly to look around that I almost fell over. Edward appeared before I could blink.

“I’m fine.” He grabbed my shoulders.

“But Carlisle…” 

“There was going to be a lot of blood, Beau.”

“I don’t…” I shook my head.

“You had to leave, I told him to lie if he had to. You couldn’t stay with Bella and I was confident you would leave her if you thought I was in trouble.” 

“So you’re not?”

“I’m fine, Beau.” I looked Edward over. He was covered in mud and rain, but he wasn’t injured. My emotions spiraled out of my body and I slumped into him. I couldn’t cry so I just yelled.

“Shhh, Shhh, Shhh. I’m here Beau.” Edward stroked my hair. “I’ve got you.” 

“Don’t let me go.” I grab him back.

“Never.” He leaned over and kissed the top of my head. “Things here went well.” 

I sensed that he was trying to distract me for a moment, I let him. I pushed myself out of his chest just enough to look around the field. In the middle was the source of the sour smoke. 

“Where are the wolves?”

“They left to care for the others.” 

“Yes, on the beach.” 

“Will you show me what happened?” 

“What?” I looked up into Edward’s eyes. Did he want to critique me?

“I want to know what happened, through your eyes. I want to understand so this time I can help you. We seem to cause more trouble by not communicating than by having hard conversations.” 

“Okay.” I pushed his copper hair back out of his forehead. “But not now.” Edward nodded. I looked around the field again and took a tally of my family. Emmett and Jasper were tending the fire, both were dirty but safe. Alice was sitting quietly, deep in thought. She was, no doubt, searching the overlapping futures. 

“Is she seeing anything of concern?” 

“Not yet.” That calmed me for now. I looked around again, two faces were missing. 

“Where are Esme and Rosalie.” Edward stiffened slightly.

“They are attending to a matter.” I removed myself from his embrace. 

“Where are they?” I said firmly.

“They’re not hurt Beau. Alice just won’t let on what’s really happening.” He tried to pull me back into a hug but I broke free. Rosalie’s scent was easy enough to find. A quarter mile east of the field I found them beside a fallen tree. Esme grabbed me before I could ask any questions.

“Thank the lord, you’re alright.” Esme squeezed me tightly. Her hand ran over my torn shirt and shoulder. “You’ve been bitten again.” 

“He was supposed to kill me so I’ll consider myself lucky.” She frowned at my comment. Rosalie was bent over the fallen tree, whispering. I went to see what she was looking at. Rosalie snapped up and growled lowly, stopping me. 

“What’s going on?”

“You’re not going to hurt her, I won't let you.” She squared her shoulders to me and I held up my hands.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Rosalie looked at me confused and then leaned back over the tree.I looked at Esme.

_ What the hell? _

_ Language. _

_ What’s going on? _

_ After the fight Rosalie went out to sweep through the woods, just to be sure. She came across a girl hiding in a little dugout hole under the tree. The girl came with the others. _

_ So she came to hurt us.  _

I felt defensive. Rosalie was protecting part of the newborn army.

_ It’s not like that Darling. She is absolutely petrified with fear. The only thing she has done is beg us not to hurt her and curl down farther in that hole. _

_ Still _

_ Beau, if you could just see her… you would know. _

I looked back at Rosalie and took a hesitant step forward. She stood and blocked me again.

“I’m not going to hurt her, Ro. I promise, I just want to see her.” Rosalie looked at me, unmoving. “I promise, Ro.” I crossed my heart with my finger. 

“Okay.” She reached out a hand to me and I took it. We knelt beside the tree and I peered down into the hole. I saw her for the first time curled against the earth in a dirty coat. I understood instantly why Rosalie was protecting her. The girl was small and looked young with her big doe eyes. Whoever she was, I could tell she wasn’t a threat to us, a threat to anyone. She curled smaller when she saw me and seemed to whimper. Rosalie kept a firm grip on my hand. 

“This is my brother, Beau.” I blinked when Rosalie introduced me. My brother. The girl said nothing, just looked at me with scared eyes. 

_ What’s your name? _

She blinked rapidly and wrapped her arms around herself tighter.

_ Don’t be scared. Rosalie won't let anyone hurt you. _

She looked at Rosalie who had a soft loving look that I had never seen on her face before. The girl looked back at me.

_ Please tell me your name. Just say it to me in your head, I can hear you. _

_ Bree.  _

I smiled. 

_ Bree? _

_ Yes.  _

_ How old are you? _

_ Um… thirteen.  _

_ Is that what you said to sneak into R rated movies? _

I smiled again and she almost smiled back.

_ Is twelve closer?  _

_ Yes.  _

_ Bree, will you come out? _

She curled herself into the hole and shook her head.

_ We won’t hurt you.  _

_ You hurt everyone else. _

_ Well, they tried to hurt us first. Do you want to hurt us? _

_ No.  _

I couldn’t understand how she ended up in the army. She was so small, so scared.

_ Bree, why were you with the others? _

_ I woke up, I was scared… they told me…. They told me I had to do what they did. All they did was fight, they… _

She trailed off and showed me what had happened. It turned my stomach to see what she had lived through in her short second life.

_ We don’t do that. We live together, we’re a family.  _

_ A family? _

_ Yeah, we have houses and everything. We love each other.  _

_ You have a house? _

_ You want to see them? _

She nodded yes. I showed her the Cullen’s home, well the old home. She smiled at Pigeon and the time I took Jasper to see the horses. I showed her Rosalie’s old house in Antigonish and the new house in Alaska. 

_ You see, we aren’t like the others.  _

She looked hesitant. 

“Please come out sweetie.” Rosalie asked gently once more. I took the hand Rosalie had in mine and reached it out towards Bree before removing my own. Bree looked at me and I nodded. She grabbed Rosalie’s hand and slowly emerged from the tiny cavity. 

“This is Bree.” I smiled down at her. 

“Hello Bree.” Esme said with her voice full of devotion. Bree clung to Rosalie’s hand and shifted her body nervously. 

“Don’t be scared. That’s Esme, she’s my mother.” Esme beamed as Rosalie spoke, I wasn’t sure if Rosalie had ever called her that before. 

“Hi.” Bree’s voice was small and still shaky. Rosalie knelt in front of Bree and wiped the mud off her face. 

“Would you like to stay?” 

“With you?” 

“With me,” Rosalie smiled. “With all of us.” 

“In a house?” She asked. Rosalie looked up at me confused and I quickly showed her our previous conversation. She sighed and smiled.

“Yes, in a house.” Rosalie carefully tucked loose hair behind Bree’s hair. Bree thought a moment and nodded. 

“The wolves.” Alice appeared out of nowhere and all heads snapped in her direction. Bree quickly hid behind Rosalie. 

“What about them?” 

“They won’t allow it.” She pressed her eyes together. “They would view us as reneging our agreement.”

“What if they don’t know?” Rosalie sounded suddenly frightened and her arm reached back towards Bree. 

“We all have to agree to hide it,” Alice looked at me pointedly. “All of us, from everyone.” 

“I can do that.” 

“Beau-”

“Alice. I can do it.” I looked at Rosalie and Bree, both of them deserved it. “I can do it.” 

“How do we do it Alice?” Rosalie was intent. 

“The wolves are only half the problem, The Volturi won’t allow it either. She’s too young, and she was created by-”

“She didn’t ask for this!” 

“It’s too dangerous Rosalie.” 

“No.” Rosalie backed away and Bree moved behind her. “I won’t allow it.” Esme’s hands clasped on her face and Alice dropped her head. It wasn’t like Alice to be so cold. 

“Beau, please.” Rosalie looked at me. I remembered the promise I made to Rosalie, when the time came and she needed me I would be there. No questions asked.

“Six Zero Six One Zero.” 

“What?” I looked into Rosalie’s confused eyes. 

_ Take her. Take Emmett. Go to our house. Stay off all roads, go on foot, swim the strait. Don’t be seen. When you get to the house keep the rolledens closed. Don’t let anyone know you’re there. The alarm code on the garage is- _

_ 60610 _

“Thank you.” Rosalie kissed my cheek quickly before grabbing Bree in her arms and running. Esme took a step after her and Alice stopped her. 

“Yell for Edward.” Alice commanded quickly.

“Edward!” It was little more than a shout but I knew he could hear it. 

“Jasper!” Alice did the same thing and then turned to us and whispered. 

“We can tell no one of Rosalie’s real reason for departure or of Bree. It has to happen exactly this way in order to succeed.” We nodded quickly. Alice wasn’t trying to be cold with Rosalie afterall. She had seen that there was only one exact future for Bree. 

“What is it?” Edward arrived only a second before a worried Jasper. 

“Time to go home.” Alice spoke with Authority. They seemed to accept that.

“Where’s Rosalie?” Edward looked at me. 

“She decided to leave. Esme was trying to convince her to stay. Alice didn’t want you to worry me.” 

“Didn’t work,” Alice skipped forward. “You couldn’t hold on to him for three minutes longer?” 

“I didn’t know I was supposed to.” Edward frowned and took my hand. 

“It’s okay, I got to say goodbye.” I leaned my head on his shoulder.

We quietly made our way towards the house. I wanted to talk to Alice about what had happened but I knew Edward would be quick to pick up on our conversation. Esme walked expressionless. I left Edward and went to her, wrapping her arm in mine. She smiled up at me softly. 

In the center of my spinning mind sat Bella. Carlisle was the best doctor I knew, there would be no one more qualified to help her. Still the images of her on the beach haunted me. I wanted to go back but I heeded Edward’s caution about the blood. Despite the salt water and the upheaving I could still taste it. A very primal itch was clawing its way up my throat. 

We walked into the clearing of the backyard and found Carlisle waiting for us. I released Esme’s arm and ran to him. 

“Is she-”

“She will be fine.” He rested a hand on my shoulder. “In time.” 

“Did I hurt her?” 

“She needed several transfusions,” I looked away and he squeezed my shoulder. “But you got all the venom out. She’s going to be fine and she is going to be Bella.” 

“What do they think happened to her?”

“A hiking accident. We moved her to make it seem as if she slipped down a cliff.”

“I’m going to go see her.” I moved to go and Carlisle grabbed my arm. 

“You can’t Beau. She’s in the hospital and completely surrounded by everyone you know here.” 

“So I can’t see her?” 

“No.” He looked at me with a soft and mournful expression. He was waiting for me to gather the information together.

“And we have to leave….”

“I’m sorry Beau.” I stepped away from him and started pacing. This wasn’t how it was supposed to end. We should’ve gotten more time. 

“And the other wolves?” Edward asked Carlisle.

“They’re recovering at home.” I heard a rustle in the trees and snapped my head. Sam emerged from the tree line and I straightened out of the crouch. 

“Is something wrong?” Carlisle brow furrowed and he reached down for his medical bag. 

“No, everyone is fine.”

“He’s here to escort us out.” Edward said coldly.

“Already?” My voice hitched. 

“It was the agreement.” Sam was calm, he seemed to fear us less. I wondered what had happened on the field. 

“We understand. Will you please allow us time to gather our belongings?” 

“Of course.” I wanted to protest but Edward dragged me into the house. We made our way up the stairs and I slammed the bedroom door behind us. 

“How am I supposed to leave without seeing her?”

“You’ll see her again Beau, just not today.” He looked at me with sad eyes. “I’m so sorry love, I’m sorry it has to be this way.” 

“Why does it?”

“Because it does.” I pushed my face into his chest and let him hold me. He pushed me away and began packing up what little we brought with us. I scooped Pigeon up from the sofa and she meowed at the interruption to her nap. Edward threw me a hoodie and I slipped it on. 

“Where are we going?” 

“Carlisle thinks it will be best to return to our house in Alaska. We can keep it shuddered up and lay low for awhile.” 

“Okay.” I tried to control my register as I answered, keeping it even and uninterested. I was comforted to know we would be back with Rosalie soon. He slung the backpack over his shoulder and stretched out his hand. I took it and followed him back down the stairs. Alice and Jasper waited in the living room, we waited with them. I closed my eyes. 

_ Bella?  _

There was nothing but silence.

_ Bella, please. _

“She can’t hear you Beau.” I opened my eyes and looked at Alice. “She’s sedated.” 

Of course she was. I don’t know why I didn’t think of that. Alice touched my arm gently and looked at me with knowing eyes. The last time I left I decided not to tell Bella first, this time I didn’t have a choice. Esme and Carlisle joined us. 

“It was a good house.” Alice told Esme as we made our way to the car. We climbed into the six passenger SUV and I leaned my head against the window. As we drove down the drive I spotted our wolf escort following. 

We drove north on the highway and passed through Forks. I looked through the heavily tinted windows at the town. I remembered the first time we drove this way. Everything was green, dazzling green. I laughed at myself for thinking it was an alien planet. It was perfect to me now. We passed the turn off for the high school and I squeezed Edward’s hand. We passed the hospital next.

“Goodbye Bella. I love you.” I whispered. I hoped somehow my words would find their way to her. 

The car slipped out of town unnoticed and sped down the road at top speeds. It was no problem for our escort who kept his pace in the tree line. We passed through Port Angeles and I thought of that night Edward saved me in the alley. It was the night we finally overcame his silence, and I discovered the truth about his existence. It was our existence now. I never could have imagined it all back then. I closed my eyes and focused on the motion of the car.

“Stop.” Edward’s voice shook me from my meditation. Carlisle pulled off the road by an inlet and we got out and stretched. Sam arrived in human form. 

“I can go no further, it becomes too populated.” 

“We’d be happy to have you ride in the car if need be.” Carlisle spoke warmly and meant it. 

“No,” Sam smiled a small smile. “I’ve elected to trust you. I have no reason not to.” Carlisle stepped forward and shook Sam’s hand. Sam nodded to us and ran back into the trees. I took a moment to stare out over the water.

“It’s been a long day. A hard one. But I want you to know that you’re extraordinary, and I love you.”

I pulled Edward tight against me. “I can handle anything as long as you’re with me.” He wrapped his arms around my neck.

“Then here I will stay.”

“Forever?”

“Forever.” He agreed. I lifted my head and found his lips with mine. Despite everything, I knew forever would be amazing. 


	22. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed the work! I can't wait to read your comments. 
> 
> This as been an amazing journey for me and I'm happy I shared it with wonderful people like you <3

“That’ll never fit.”

“Yes it will, we measured.” I kissed Edward's cheek as I passed him.

“It wont fit.” 

“It is one and a half Emmetts high. It’s perfect.” Jasper argued and Emmett agreed.

We drug the tree into the house and set it upright in the stand. The top peak was nowhere near the ceiling. The round branches stuck out in every direction. 

“See, it fits.” I nudged Edward with my shoulder. 

“Just wait.” He smirked. 

“The branches are too big, it takes up too much space!” Alice entered the room and pouted.

“Don’t worry darlin’, we’ll trim her up a little and she’ll be perfect.” Jasper smiled and snapped off the overly long sections of branch. I helped him under Alice’s direction and suddenly the tree was perfect. 

“How lovely.” Esme walked in from the garage with Carlisle. They were carrying giant boxes overflowing with ribbons and ornaments. We decorated the tree carefully. If one of the antique glass ornaments broke there would be no replacement for it. Esme hung the stocking she knitted over the fireplace. She carefully moved the photos of Bella, Charlie, and me as she went. Alice busied herself wrapping the house in garland and holly. I closed my eyes.

_ Bella? _

_ Hey Beau. _

_ I want to show you something. _

I showed her the tree sparkling with ornaments and lights. I was careful not to show her anyone or anything else. 

_ Oh it’s beautiful Beau! _

_ Made me think of you.  _

_ I have some great news. _

_ What’s that? _

_ I get my medical clearance to fly on Friday. _

_ That’s like the last step towards being done with it all right? _

_ Yep _

_ I’m so happy Bella. _

_ Guess what else _

_ What? _

_ Jacob and I got a fishing trip for Christmas.  _

_ For Billy and Dad? _

_ For all of us. It’s in Colorado.  _

_ Didn’t know you had gotten that into fishing. _

_ Well there isn’t much else to do when you can’t move around, but you’re missing the point. _

_ Which is? _

_ It’s in Colorado… I thought maybe while we were there I might have visitors… _

_ I wouldn’t miss it. _

_ It’s in April, for spring break. _

_ I can't wait _

_ Got to go, some of us are in class. _

_ Bye Bells. _

I opened my eyes and smiled. The house had been entirely transformed during my brief conversation. It was a winter wonderland. Pigeon laid under the tree, mesmerized by the lights and reflections.

“They’re coming!” Emmett rushed into the house and we all gathered in front of the tree. The back door opened.

“Merry Christmas!” We shouted in chorus. Rosalie laughed and laid a hand on Bree’s shoulder. 

“We wanted to surprise you guys.” Emmett grinned. 

“I think it worked don’t you?” She looked down at Bree who nodded. Her eyes were glowing in the twinkling lights as she looked around the house. They were already losing their redness. 

“We saved the best job for you.” 

“You did?” She looked at me with a smile. I handed her the golden metal star. We all backed away and let Rosalie lift her onto Emmett’s shoulders. Bree leaned forward and set the star on top of the tree and we all clapped as Alice snapped pictures. Esme took my hand.

“You were right, It’s beautiful.” I looked over at her and she smiled. 

“I know Christmas is a couple weeks away still, but I wanted to give you all these tonight.” Alice handed us all boxes as she spoke. We tore into them eagerly to find matching Pajamas. Edward groaned and I slapped his stomach. 

“Go change! Go change! I want photos!” Alice squealed. Everyone shuffled off into their bedrooms. Edward closed the door behind us as we entered ours. As I pulled up the flannel pants I felt his arms wrap around me. I leaned back into his chest.

“My Beautiful Beau.” He murmured into my hair. I reached for the matching top and he sighed. 

“I can’t stay shirtless forever.” I laughed.

“Why not?” He smiled and put on his set. 

“Well, for one Alice would kill me for ruining her photo.” Edward laughed and I continued. “And two, Bree still gets scared by my and Jasper’s scars… not to mention you pout at them.” 

“I do not pout.” Edward frowned.

“You’re pouting right now.” His frown didn’t lighten so I wrapped my arms around him. “Don’t forget, every time I put on a shirt you get to take it off of me.” 

“That is true.” He smiled at last. “Come on, the others are waiting.” He grabbed my hand and we returned to the living room. 

Rosalie was sitting on the couch next to Emmett and braiding Bree’s hair. She looked so happy, so content in a way I had never seen her before. Someone had set up the Tv and A Wonderful Life waited to be played. The others joined us and we piled around one couch, some standing - some sitting. Alice set up the camera and jumped into Jasper’s lap. I looked around at my family.

Every person I loved was in this room and the ones who weren’t were in my heart and head. This was our first Christmas together, it would be one of many. We would have infinite trees, infinite photos, infinite everything. 

I looked at Edward who was staring down at me. 

_ I love you Beau _

_ I love you Edward _

Some people get to find the love of their lifetime. I got the love of a million lifetimes when I found Edward.

“Merry Christmas!” We shouted again. The shutter clicked. 

  
  



End file.
